To think if your kid can't behave in restaurants you don't go

[hardshoulderr]

Unless you really need to eat.
so obviously lots of sympathy to kids who are Neurodiverse.
But went out to lunch this afternoon, quite an expensive place ordered the food and wine and a family sat down kids on iPads, no problem, the volume really low.
voices are starting to be raised, the parents shush ,then I look over and so don't worry it's no problem.

This then escalate from raised voices and slight frustration to the kid spitting across the table shouting and swearing. I literally can't focus on what my friend is saying because of the shouting and the swearing from kids who like primary School age next to me.

I work with kids - you know what I've loads of sympathy, but I don't spend my weekends wanting to have kids spitting next to me.
I go to the restaurant and calmly ask the wait staff if we could move around this corner out of vision of the Family.
By then, the dad has gone home with one, the mother and other kids stay to continue the meal.
I have kids who are not Neurodiverse, but even though were a pain in the arse when we went out to restaurants, therefore would avoid eating out , certainly not to place at lunchtime. It would be like pizza early doors.

Is this unreasonable?

It’s not even about kids behaving in this scenario the child was distressed why put a child through that.

I bet they would. I have worked in hospitality and also have children. My kids have eaten out from babies unless there is a need, there is no need for tech at tables especially in restuarants. We took plenty and engaged with our kids as we had bought them out !!! Some parents used to turn up before ordering pads and headphones on, no interaction with their kids. We never had lots of time out on our own either as we little childcare.

Its just another issue with parents and boundaries.

My autistic son used to refuse to sit and eat with us so in a restaurant once literally stood by the table and wouldn't eat. He only learned to stop doing that when we went on holiday and had to eat in restaurants a lot

Or maybe as a parent of children who are prone to 'fun screams' you exercise some judgement, stop being so entitled and choose a venue that is better suited to catering for excitable noisy kids. If you honestly cant read the room or recognise that some restaurants are geared towards creating a more relaxed, adult atmosphere that that would be massively disrupted by 'fun screams' , screens and toys then that speaks volumes about you.

So I wouldn't be allowed to read on my phone whilst eating alone? But a book would be OK?
Why?

I disagree that they need training. Those of us from the 70s never went to restaurants!! Remember my first swishy one when I was 19

Yes!! Me too:)

As a child I went to restaurants on holiday and on special occasions. There wasn't the widespread eating out that there is now.

I don’t think kids need to be taken out to restaurants, to teach them how not to swear and spit at restaurants….

Of course you teach your children table manners at home but you’ve also got to take them to restaurants etc to teach them social skills. Don’t even get me started on the use of iPads etc in restaurants.

We took our sons out from being toddlers. They weren’t angels but they were taught to sit and wait for their food without the need for iPads etc. IMO having children sat playing on tech is not teaching them social skills and is lazy parenting.

Same here.

No they haven’t. Children were taught to behave. Parents actually interacted with their children.

No matter how “low” the noise of an IPad is it would still give me the rage.

We took our DC out for meals from being babies. Luckily they always enjoyed their food so they looked forward to that. Whilst waiting we would do eye spy, noughts and crosses on bits of paper, chat or they would very happily either look at a picture book or when a bit older, read. No tech. They learned that part of going out for a meal was behaving nicely.

And before anyone asks, one has adhd. He would complain, but did it quietly.

Children sat around a table staring at a screen really doesn’t teach them anything about good manners. If you’re going to stare at something then look at/read a book, it seems less rude when you’re in company.

Ha ha no they’ve always been parents using distractions

My kids are in mid twenties. I agree that colouring books, books or small toys were taken to restaurants. It’s not a new thing.

Exactly!!

Exactly! I expect parents 6000 years ago were frowned upon for letting their children play with spinning tops, when some deemed inappropriate!

Definitely! I’m sick of meals being ruined by adults FaceTiming or watching TikTok.

I understand they need to learn. Teach them at home first. If they are yelling and spitting that is completely unacceptable. Honestly I'd have complained to the manager.

I’ve always taken our DC out to eat since babies. First to cafes for short periods of time and then working up. They are 4 and 7 now and would never run about a restaurant or misbehave in that kind of environment as we simply wouldn’t allow it, they would be instantly taken out by one parent to go and sit in the car for the rest of the mealtime. Or we would just all go home.

I wouldn’t give them an iPad either. I understand they have their place for some ND children but I don’t want my children sitting at a social occasion like a meal out disengaged with headphones in and staring at a screen. It’s just unnecessary IMO, and we go out for a meal to spend time together. They eat, chat, sometimes they will do a bit of colouring/drawing or I’ll have a sticker book or something, and that’s always been ample for the kind of time you tend to spend when out as a family.

I can categorically say that was not the case when my sons were growing up. OK I am going back 30 years but tbh I can’t see why parents today can’t teach their children to behave in restaurants etc without using distractions.

Why not Miller and Carter? It's a Harvester. Not posh. Heated up shit food. Suspiciously massive menu.

The one near us cooks steak very well.

I can categorically say that this was the case when I was growing up and my children were growing up. I’m going back 50 years.