To think if your kid can't behave in restaurants you don't go

[hardshoulderr]

Unless you really need to eat.
so obviously lots of sympathy to kids who are Neurodiverse.
But went out to lunch this afternoon, quite an expensive place ordered the food and wine and a family sat down kids on iPads, no problem, the volume really low.
voices are starting to be raised, the parents shush ,then I look over and so don't worry it's no problem.

This then escalate from raised voices and slight frustration to the kid spitting across the table shouting and swearing. I literally can't focus on what my friend is saying because of the shouting and the swearing from kids who like primary School age next to me.

I work with kids - you know what I've loads of sympathy, but I don't spend my weekends wanting to have kids spitting next to me.
I go to the restaurant and calmly ask the wait staff if we could move around this corner out of vision of the Family.
By then, the dad has gone home with one, the mother and other kids stay to continue the meal.
I have kids who are not Neurodiverse, but even though were a pain in the arse when we went out to restaurants, therefore would avoid eating out , certainly not to place at lunchtime. It would be like pizza early doors.

Is this unreasonable?

Read the post I replied to.

What kind of places are you frequenting where the kids are better behaved than the adults?!

I’m sure she did, mate. Did you actually read hers or the post she was replying to?

Normalising poor manners impacts everyone in the long term, not least your child who is being raised to think this is acceptable behaviour.

Good parenting though.

Yeah the French are busy hitting their kids to make them behave though 😁

I come across more disturbing adults than kids! Large noisy groups laughing their heads off, or frequently just very loud individuals who think their anecdotes are so fascinating the entire restaurant needs to hear them.

You see a snapshot of parenting, sone might not allow tech occasionally in restaurants but be shite in lots of other ways..

You know, what goes on behind closed doors! Sone shocking parenting goes on there!

I agree mostly, but there are times that restaurants are the only option for food. So then what? If people are out for the day or on holiday and aren’t checked into hotels, or just simply passing through, what can they do? I think given they seemed to try to manage the situation then I think that’s fair. It’s the people who are loud and antisocial who are an issue, and these are kids and adults alike I would say.

Sometimes kids don't behave as expected, although that does sound awful.

We go out to eat a lot. It's a nice treat. We were in a nice cocktail bar early this afternoon (toddler was sleeping for the first 30 minutes). Had some lovely cocktails, food, toddler woke up and had some chips, perfectly behaved.

Place was almost empty (cocktail bar at 2.30pm, you can imagine) bar a group of women in their 30s who gave us the most horrible stares when they came in. Honestly, I didn't give a shit. I don't care what anyone thinks. I don't care that Mumsnet thinks I should be locked up in the house for 18 years.

I have a 2 year old, I work all week, and after a Saturday morning running around a park, it's nice to have a treat. We don't have a nanny or grandparents so if I don't take my kid with me, I won't step in a bar or restaurant for another 15 years.

What's the point of taking her out then?

And when is she going to learn it's rude to go out for a meal and use any device at a table, while ignoring the company she's in?

Interesting one. I understand being excited by all the people around them and looking/spinning in the high chair, etc.
I wouldn't expect an otherwise well-behaved child to start spitting/screeching/sprinting or otherwise, just because they are in a restaurant.

In our local pub last night.....4 Mum's come in ( this was around 8.30 ), 11 kids between them. The Mum's sat on one table....and put all the kids, ranging from around 5 to about 10, on a big round table on their own. 2 of the Mum's couldn't see the kids because of where they were sitting.
The children threw food, spilt drinks, left food across the floor, along with lots of shredded serviettes, stood on the table, wrestled on the floor....all whilst the Mum's just sat there, chatting....
Various people complained......the Mum's had a word with the children......and after 5 minutes it all happened again. Management eventually threatened to ask them to leave, and got a mouthful for it......

My kids are adults but were taught how to behave at home so behaved like it when we were out. I'm a stickler for manners- I hate bad table manners!

I would have asked to move as soon as the tablets came out without accompanying headphones. Who but entitled arseholes does that.

@Amsylou this was not a kids or family place

How do you expect kids to get better if they can’t go to the Michelin starred restaurants?

That has to be a contender for the most Mumsnet sentence ever!

This doesn't change the fact that it's good parenting from the PP 🤷‍♂️

Unless children are used to sitting at a table (or in a high chair) and eating with others as a regular part of their day, they're going to be a problem in restaurants. In some households, this nolonger happens. As a parent, you need to have the enjoyment of those around you in mind. If your child is being a nuisance, it's your job to remove them.

@hardshoulderr a child should be able to have dinner in a restaurant without needing a screen to shut them up.

ND children were eating nicely in restaurants long before tablets and phones were invented...

If your child cannot sit in a restaurant for 90 minutes for a meal then don't take them! It's clearly not their idea of fun so take them to somewhere they will enjoy.

I like eating out so have "trained" my kids to behave in restaurants. They also like eating out. Including my autistic son.

I would welcome more restaurants banning screens at the table.

If the venue is geared towards catering for kids (childs menu, colouring books, play area in garden etc) then great. I would be completely unreasonable if I went there and started moaning about kids being a bit excited or whatever. But if I want some adult time in a venue that is quite clearly set up for adults and I will be dropping a few hundred quid then please dont bring your kids. Its not a training exercise.

I just didn’t eat out with my kids till they were able to sit and behave decently. Too stressful and unenjoyable till then.

I guess if you just don’t give a shit about everyone around you then it doesn’t stress you no matter how your kids behave though!

iPads are just today’s colouring-in books or Walkmans or gameboys

parents have always used things to try to stop their kids being bored in restaurants

Was at a cafe this morning having coffee- there was a child (about 4) there with his grandparents. He had toys with him but he was sitting on the floor where servers with trays of hot drinks were going by - looked very dangerous. The grandmother asked him to get up he shouted no, the grandfather didn’t look up from scrolling on his phone but said -you’ll get burnt. This was a totally appropriate place for a child to be but the adults with them do need to engage with them properly and put boundaries in place

That aspect of her parenting may be good (in your opinion), however please don’t be fooled into thinking it means an overall good parent!

Jan Leeming's views earlier this year were correct, she can't stand children misbehaving. We used to go out to eat often in the past now it is a just a few times a year. Terrible behaviour at the restaurant you went to but I wouldn't comment these days as parents often say the child is autistic . We usually go out in the evening and not many children are taken out by parents then.