AIBU no engagement ring

[throwaway1234566]

My partner and I have agreed to get married. We’ve been together ten years and we’re not exactly spring chickens so I’m perfectly fine with it being a conversation instead of a proposal. However, he hates jewellery so a ring is out of the question and it’s getting to me a bit and I don’t know why. AIBU? Be honest please. I need a kick up the bum!

Remind DF that you love jewellery and that he is engaged to YOU not a female version of himself.
Ask him what time he will be available to come with you to select the engagement ring. Straight talk. Tell him it would be more than sad if you bought one for yourself.
Does he wear a watch?

Whether he hates jewellery or not, he should buy you an engagement ring because you want one! If he's not willing to budge on something that is frankly a bizarre dislike to make you happy, I don't think I'd be marrying him!

Just tell him you'd like to get an engagement ring because it's traditional and would mean a lot to you.

My first marriage was a conversation and not a proposal and because we where skint I didnt have a ring. I did buy myself a ring a couple of years in and I loved it but it never felt like an engagement ring l, just a ring I bought. My second husband proposed with a ring and it was really special and although I know he couldnt give 2 hoots about my ring or any other jewellery I wear, it is special to me because he went to the shop and chose it and pinched one of my rings to get the right size etc. So, your fiance should make the effort because he loves you, in another analogy, I support Liverpool but I go to watch Man United with my husband because I love him 😆

I hate whiskey (and am a recovering alcoholic, but even before that, I hated it), but Dh loves it. I still sometimes buy him a nice bottle of whiskey for a special occasion. I can’t even be in the same room because the smell is so off putting, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve something he loves.

If he has weird sensory issues with jewellery, okay, fine. But if a ring matters to you, you should buy a ring you love together.

If it’s important to you and he can afford it, then he should buy you a ring. DH doesn’t understand my need for nice jewellery and bags, I don’t get his love and need for expensive cars and am happy to drive a 15 year old one but we both want the other to be happy. If he won’t give way on this which is a small thing how will be over the big issues in life?

Yes. It would be sad that you're marrying a selfish man who cares so little about you that he won't buy you an engagement ring because 'he doesn't like jewellery'

He doesn't have to wear the jewellery! Mean bugger.

You don't specify if he hates to wear a ring, or if you mean he hates jewellery so won't get you one. The first one is reasonable, he doesn't have to wear a ring if he doesn't like it. The latter is a red flag.

If you want an engagement ring you should have one. Tell him you want one. Tell him you understand that he doesn't like jewellery but this has particular meaning for you and you want to wear one. If he can't be flexible over something that's important to you then you have a problem.
I don't wear mine. But that's me. Nobody needs a ring to be married/engaged. But you do need one if it's meaningful and important to you.

I never had an engagement ring - we just set a date. TBH I’d have quite liked one, but at the time (aeons ago!) dh thought ‘getting engaged’ was desperately uncool.

However he bought me a lovely emerald and diamond ring* right after the birth of dd2, which TBH meant a lot more to me.

*At the time we were living abroad among a largely non-Brit community - a female neighbour came to see the baby, and commented on my ring - ‘You got that for a GIRL??’

Op, can I ask if you talked about a wedding band at all?

Are you sure he wants to marry you @throwaway1234566 ?

No. But it's massively sad that yet another man thinks that only his opinion matters. If he really cared for you, he would want to make you happy above all - he's not being asked to wear the ring, is he?

Maybe you're so used to him behaving like this that you don't see how selfish and self-centred he is.

I wouldn't want a man like that.

He doesn’t have to wear it! Get a nice ring. Congratulations.

^ This 100%

This is very odd. You shouldn't buy presents on the basis of what you like, you should buy what the recipient likes.