AIBU no engagement ring

[throwaway1234566]

My partner and I have agreed to get married. We’ve been together ten years and we’re not exactly spring chickens so I’m perfectly fine with it being a conversation instead of a proposal. However, he hates jewellery so a ring is out of the question and it’s getting to me a bit and I don’t know why. AIBU? Be honest please. I need a kick up the bum!

Does he hate you wearing jewellery? What would he think if you bought yourself a ring? Will you have wedding rings?

Maybe he hates jewellery but you don’t!!
get a ring
and congratulations

Would it be massively sad if I bought my own?

He doesn’t love it but it doesn’t stop me. I have a ring that I wear on my right hand that Iove. He’s a good man, don’t get me wrong, he’s just weird about this one thing and I’ve actually told nobody I’m engaged because we know what the first question is, right?

In all honesty he should be getting you one because its what you want and itll make you happy. It doesnt need to be £££££ but his actions are taking the shine off moving into this new chapter isnt it?

Presumably he doesn't hate you though?
My DH has plenty of things I don't like... I have things he doesn't like. He has even bought me clothing etc that he thinks are ugly.

I'd have no issue with the no proposal just a conversation and joint discussion but if YOU want a ring, then either he or you both (whatever way your finances work) shiuld be getting a ring. For goodness sake it needn't cost thousands. Just has to be something YOU love

He sounds a bit of a misery. Can’t he understand that it matters to his future wife?

Have you talked to him about this? If you can't express a desire for an engagement ring (hardly an 'out there' wish) without fearing a negative reaction, I'd question whether he's the right man to be marrying.

What's his objection - I mean, what is it about jewellery that he hates? An engagement ring doesn't have to cost a fortune. You could find a vintage diamond (if that's your taste) for under £200, even less if you're not fussed about a traditional diamond.

And you're quite sure you definitely want to marry this old grinch?

100%. I don’t need an expensive one. Zirconium instead of a diamond absolutely fine. It’s just not having one at all I’m struggling with

No! More women should buy their own jewllerey
im saving up for one of Susanna Kings pieces

Just because he hates jewelry doesn't mean he can't buy you a ring. I am not a massive jewelry person, but I still bought my wife an engagement ring, and a wedding ring, and I took delight in doing so because it was important to her. We also had a conversation about getting married as opposed to a proper proposal (i.e. she decided and told me), and we were also not spring chickens.

Against jewellery. What kind of weirdo are you getting hitched to here. Buy your own ring.

I did talk to him but we’d both had some wines and I honestly don’t know if he’d forgotten the next day or chosen to if that makes sense.

I'd look at a vintage diamond or a lab diamond rather than a zircon, just because a zircon will dull over time and you want your engagement ring to sparkle for years to come!

My husband hates jewellery and really isn't into stuff like that. He's not a 'romantic' etc (although he is a thoroughly decent man)

Been together 14 years
8 years ago we decided to get married and I frog marched him to a jewelry shop and we picked my ring together.

It was important to me. So I figured it should be to him. Make it happen OP.

Similarly on anniversaries and things I love flowers he thinks they are stupid presents but he buys me them yearly now and sometimes even on the odd random occasion as he recognises what is important to me x

Don't marry him, he's selfish.

After 10 years, you're going straight to the "main event" so I hope the way you feel isn't because of all the performative engagement crap on social media 🤗

I hate Apple Watches. I don't like how they look and I don't like that they vibrate and that they make people want to look at their messages all of the time. But my husband likes them. He asked for one for his birthday so I got him one. I'm not wearing it.

Raise it again. Say something along the lines of, 'I know you're not a jewellery person, but I enjoy wearing jewellery and I'm really happy that we're engaged, so I'd like a ring to symbolise that. It doesn't have to be expensive but it would mean a lot to me if we could choose one together.'

He doesn't hate jewellery love, he just doesn't want to spend his money buying any for you.

And yes, it would be said if you were to buy your own.

He's refusing to buy you an engagement ring and you're apologetically asking MN if it would be acceptable to by yourself a cheap ring instead? Obviously there's nothing wrong with a woman buying herself a cheap, a middling, or a hugely expensive ring. But that isn't the issue here, OP.