AIBU no engagement ring

[throwaway1234566]

My partner and I have agreed to get married. We’ve been together ten years and we’re not exactly spring chickens so I’m perfectly fine with it being a conversation instead of a proposal. However, he hates jewellery so a ring is out of the question and it’s getting to me a bit and I don’t know why. AIBU? Be honest please. I need a kick up the bum!

You have said he has a hatred of jewellery. That’s a strong feeling. Why?

Awwww congrats on your engagement! Different strokes for different folks is my motto !! I got engaged at 21 after a conversation! We did go chose a ring together as I wanted one and now been together 31 years ! As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters !! I do see all the proposals online and sometimes wonder if I missed out but we have the best relationship so just do you !! biy a ting and have a chat if that’s what makes you happy ! Wishing you both lots of happiness Xxx

If you can't have a conversation about engagement rings with the man you are planning to marry, you probably shouldn't marry him. The outcome of the conversation is far less important than whether you can actually talk to your potential husband about what is important to you.

He wants you. You want him. And a ring. An engagement ring is a pretty normal thing to want.
so bring him ring shopping and choose a ring for him to purchase you.
He doesn’t have to go ring shopping himself. Is that what’s putting him off rings ?

@DisforDarkChocolate absolutely right!

Will he buy a wedding ring?
I think wedding bands look nicer on their own .

As the saying goes.. if he wanted to, he would

To you, and thatvis obviously OK for you. But op wants a ring. That is entirely different!

Ah, I think this is the problem. This is sweet, but totally normal. He is not an amazing son. Well, I am sure he is lovely, but his reaction is not special op, it is basic level consideration. Why don't you expect this from your future husband?

I had an ex boyfriend, who wanted to get engaged, to keep me, and keep me happy, he’d talked to his best friend about this apparently.

He didn’t buy me an engagement ring, but bought us both expensive wedding rings, which were lovely, but he kept them, I wasn’t even allowed to wear mine.

So I think he wanted something to make it official and keep me happy. But wasn’t actually prepared to give me the ring.

It was a lovely ring, and I never wore it, but we did actually buy them together.

I think I’m trying to say be wary, he may be getting engaged, because he thinks that’s what you want, but maybe making no effort in that direction ( no ring )

I don't think you should be hiding the fact that you are getting married just because you don't have an engagement ring. I don't think it's necessarily the "norm" any more. I have been married twice and didn't have an engagement ring either time.

The current Mr Create dislikes jewellery so doesn't wear a wedding ring, but I do.

If I were to get married again (which I don't plan to), I am not sure I would even bother with a wedding ring. Or I might just for the ceremony, then leave it off for ever afterwards.

But, the bigger issue is why are you having this conversation on here and not with him? You need to be able to discuss your feelings, needs and wants with your life partner, you are failing at the first hurdle.

Why do you want to marry him?

Do you have children together?

If you buy yourself a ring, will you be any less embarassed to tell people? People might ask if you went "with him" to pick it out, or comment on what a lovely ring "he" chose. Would you feel able to tell the truth?

Lots of men don't care for jewelry. But they know that (lots of) women like something sparkly on their finger. Men have done a lot more for less...
"All because the lady loves milk tray"

Just tell him you want him to buy you a ring. DH has never worn his wedding ring, nor the expensive Rolex I surprised him with for his 40th, but he still recognises that I like jewellery, hence I have a massive rock on my finger!

It’s not about what he likes, it’s about what you like, and you would like a ring!

Can you get a wedding ring with a diamond in it? I did it this way. Seems a happy compromise.

What sort of rings do you like? Show him and tell him you'll be going to get it and expect him to be with you. If he's as lovely as you think, he'll make the effort for you.

You can tell people you're getting married without a ring. The ring is irrelevant.
I'm married and haven't got an engagement ring because I didn't want one

Heh. I thought I might be the only one. Same here. Might be because there was no proposal, just a conversation and we were married within 4 weeks. Seems a lot of money to spend to be 'engaged' for 4 weeks. I do have a lovely wedding ring though. I think after living together for a decade an engagement ring has little real meaning. I don't judge anyone else for wanting one but I wouldn't see the point for myself.

I never wanted an engagement ring so have never had one dont see the point really

I haven't either.

I've never known anyone who already live together get an engagement ring.

Just buy a ring you love and tell him you've bought yourself an engagement/ wedding ring.

Girl

If you want an engagement ring, he needs to get you one. End of. Its important to you.

Xx

It doesn’t matter if he likes it or not- you do and he should want to make you happy.

Engagement rings are complete cringe to me. I don’t have one because if I wanted a ring I’d buy it myself. Why do you care so much about what other people think? Buy yourself a ring if you want one?

He is weird. I wouldn't buy myself a ring.

What does it matter if he doesn't like jewelry. he's not the one wearing the ring