Could my friend have munchausens?

[Anonnymouse124]

I have a friend with two children and they have both been diagnosed with autism. A mutual friend is convinced she’s manipulating the system to get attention and benefits as she had paid for private doctor appointments. I thought this was the most disgusting accusation so am trying to work out what I am missing. Is it even possible for this to happen?

Oh dear.

Well you’re not missing anything are you - you have a nasty friend and are entertaining her BS when you should be ignoring it and supporting your friend whose kids have just had a major diagnosis. Sounds like you are looking for drama too.

There is no mutual friend. She is no friend to the mum of the autistic children even if she is your friend.

A doctor whether paid private or not is not going to diagnose autism unless it is present.

Munchausen is when you fake your own illness, Munchausen by Proxy is when you fake it for someone else. Neither of them are about trying to manipulate benefits, and are both mental health illnesses, with the latter being a form of abuse.

Stop talking about your ‘friend’ behind her back and online, and start trying to understand how difficult her life might be with two autistic children. Do better.

People do seek diagnosis for money and play the system but there are also genuine cases. Best to just not get involved in gossiping and concentrate on your own family.

But those people don’t have Munchausen or Munchausen by proxy

How are these people being diagnosed by medical professionals if the condition is not present?

I was in a similar situation. No longer friends it’s frightening. People don’t want to believe this exists but it does.

She would try to get diagnose after diagnosis and had been like that since we were teenagers. Everything she has she had gone private or there was no clear test to show it etc she has played the system since we were teens and even tried to show me how to do it. These people don’t change and tend to go from friendship group to friendship group as after while people can see it for what it is.

I had to cut her out when she was sending her child to school in nappies as was trying to get her a diagnose and wanted the schools backing.

Well this is my question really. I’m not gossiping and I don’t think I’m being a shit friend, I think I’m actually a good friend to her and I was quite sad when she said it but it’s not makin sense to me that you could even get a diagnosis if there isn’t one so I don’t really get what she’s saying.

I feel like you get what I’m saying. I don’t want to give it any thought but it’s bothering me

Just to clarify I’m not saying your friend is. But sadly there is a very small minority of parents that do this but if it’s based on just two autism diagnosis alone then I doubt it. This usually is people who started out trying to get attention as young adults and kept going and then used their children as an extension of that. If you have known your friend for a long time you will have seen a pattern or just a sense of it feeling unsettling.

It sounds shocking but it’s not impossible. I personally know someone whose spent years paying quacks to acquire fabricated diagnosis’s for their child. Look up “fictitious or induced disorders”. Dunno if the parent has Munchausen by proxy or not but I do know that they’ve used it to gain social housing, benefits, and are trying to get the LA to pay the alt education funds directly to them and not the education providers. All while keeping the child out of school and controlling who the child is allowed to be friends with or talk to. Its very concerning and very unusual but again not impossible

I do feel unsettle! But then am I being stuoid? My other friend is sure and it does seem there is a pattern of things

So do you or “mutual friend’ have any evidence to back up this hurtful accusation or is it simply that she went private??

I think you need to tell the mutual ‘friend’ that she should butt out of it. She is commenting on something she cannot judge, and the autism has been diagnosed by a doctor so 🤷‍♀️

Does your friend know how long the NHS waiting list can be for autism assessments?

Munchausens is an insane jump just because someone has 2 autistic kids. I'd steer clear.

Two private diagnoses isn’t enough. The waiting lists are long so that makes sense to go that route for many parents.

if you have known her a long time has she used health as a way to get validation or praise?

one of the main things I saw over 15 years was that her ‘ illnesses ‘ never once got in the way of anything she wanted to do. But any gathering or event that was solely about her, they did so say it was a friends birthday party she would announce she is now using a wheelchair be pushed around then you would never see or hear about a wheelchair for years after lol. An then she be climbing a mountain or pole dancing you couldn’t make this up. Or when her benefits got cut she would start filming herself falling over or breaking things but then as soon as it was reinstated, all those symptoms would go away. Knowing someone for a few years you wouldn’t spot it.

I think if I hadn’t had witnessed this I would think factious disorder would be something that’s just on tv shows.

A large amount (possibly the majority) of diagnoses are made by private sector as it's a lot quicker than waiting for one from the NHS sadly.
Your friend did what she thought was right for her children as presumably clinicians and school staff had highlighted her children could be ND
You don't just rock up at a clinic, bung them a tenner and a dodgy psychiatrist hands over a certificate that you can fill the name out on. There's a lengthy assessment process involving gathering the child's and their family's history

Your other friend is full of shite

Anyone diagnosing autism via a private assessment is bound by the same guidelines, ethics and professional accountable as anyone diagnosing it for the NHS. In fact, usually they're the same people, doing a mixture of private and NHS practice.

Munchausens by proxy is fairly discredited (at least in the UK) as a condition. It's seen as a fancy label that hides that when parents fabricate an illness, it's child abuse. It isn't a mental illness or something special, it's abuse.

I have two autistic kids - one diagnosed via NHS and one privately and through NHS (long story!). One of them also has a heart condition which led to emergency surgery as a baby. One has a rare genetic condition. I had breast cancer when my DC3 was tiny.
You could totally think I had factitious disorder as munchausens is now known, I think, but in truth we’ve just been desperately unlucky.
If it’s only 2 ASD diagnoses, I know plenty of people who have had that!

Diagnosis - Singular. Confirmation of one instance of a condition.

Diagnoses - Plural. Confirmation of two or more conditions in one or more people.

Diagnose - Verb. What a qualified person does to confirm conditions.

Diagnosed - Verb (past tense).
To have confirmed or having been confirmed with one or more condition/s.

How on earth would you know @Boreded ? I know a doctor that will diagnose for money, he’s well known for this and he’s hardly the only doctor in the world

Why don't you keep your beak out.
You came on here to gossip about your two friends.
You're not a friendship type from what I can see.

Diagnosis - pedant

Then you should report them because they should not have a license. I don’t believe you do know a doctor who would openly admit to malpractice though 🙄

People go private because there is no option other than to do so. We couldn't even get DD2 on the waiting list for CAMHS.