Could my friend have munchausens?

[Anonnymouse124]

I have a friend with two children and they have both been diagnosed with autism. A mutual friend is convinced she’s manipulating the system to get attention and benefits as she had paid for private doctor appointments. I thought this was the most disgusting accusation so am trying to work out what I am missing. Is it even possible for this to happen?

Rest assured you cannot buy a diagnosis of autism.

That claim is just part of the campaign at the moment to target disabled people and get the public behind removing financial support for disabled people.

Absolutely this!

My DSIS did this. She paid privately until she got the ‘diagnosis’ she pushed for. Her DS4 is now ‘autistic’. She even gloated sending me a voice note in a celebratory voices saying ‘Timmy’s got the tis’… I don’t know why she has done this, her DS does not have any autistic traits at all.

All I can say is my DSIS is the biggest attention seeker on the planet.. I feel for her son because he will always carry this label and secondly I feel sorry for all of the autistic kids that may lose out on much needed support because my DSIS will make damn sure her DS gets ALL of the support.

I have witnessed similar things
Hereforadviceee

Were a parent gained validation for her own and her childs illness.
Its like she identified with illness and they changed over time. Its hard to explain when you witness it as some people who do this are very convincing amd their energy seems to focuss on the idea of illness - indeed I have had a worse diagnosis - dont talk about it , hut they ‘ cant ‘ do anything as they are ‘ill’
.
I absolutely do not mean a person who is genuinely ill - I mean in the situation I am
close to , its used for attention and also the dc is encouraged to be ill or anxous.
It was used in an very educated way for many years, until they forgot what they had actually said they had.
to me it smacks of perhaps a personality disorder. The dc now also believes they are ill amd incapable .
I wouldn't make assumptions, op, but over time , patterns may emerge.
Munchausans by proxy is potentially a form child abuse in my mind.
Proffessionally , have seen children on the wards due to inflicted harm or attempts to convince medics that a child is ill and needs medical attention and it is a serious illness .

Unless he needs support he won’t get a thing, The vast majority who need it don’t get it and support is almost completely reactionary.

I know somebody who is very clever and has every single thing you could ever want paid for.

Still haven’t said how.

A diagnosis means nothing in terms of what support is offered .Support is individul so unless your nephew has very significant needs hes unlikely to be offerred much if any support

You're posting with good intentions about your actions and experience of those around you.

Other people see other things. There are some people who over exaggerate their needs, exploiting money from the system, 'support' from schools and demand the world. Until you've experienced people like it, it's easy to think everyone is genuine.

No I’m simply not pushing an agenda. I work in schools and don’t see anybody exploiting support. Professionals know what they’re doing and deserve credit in that they absolutely can identify who needs it. They do this daily. However sadly there is very little support available or money, the vast majority don’t get the support they need and what little there is is spread very thinly. That’s the reality not the ridiculous accusations you’re making.

I have no doubt people over exaggerate
But schools can only act on what they witness
For example its a known fact some females mask
And their behaviour at home maybe very different to school
But school can only report what they see
They can also say somthing like mum reports XYand Z happens at home but thats not evidence from school.

I work in schools too and see people exploiting diagnoses for support (especially financial). I get emails asking for evidence of certain behaviours or things that I've never seen so won't list.

There are plenty of genuine people out there in need of support too. But the chancers are a growing population. Paid for diagnoses to excuse poor parenting and behaviour choices.

But this is really much more like the sorts of 'making allowances' that we do for everyone.

@AlteFrau yes allowances you give to everyone ….
That is until you live with them, you’re their partner, that guy becomes a father and then suddenly that quirkiness isn’t just a little if allowance you give anyway but a real scaffolding .

Autism, regardiess of tge kevel, high functioning or not is a disability. Thetes a reason for that. It affects all areas of your life and impact your daily life.
You wouldn’t say to someone with let’s say MS ‘it’s just a little bit of tiredness. We all get tired’ (or I hope you eouldnt!). Don’t say that that ‘high functioning’ autism is just bring a bit quirky as if it had little impact in the oerson or those around them

Don’t be ridiculous. If you see this and don’t have evidence you don’t provide it. One wonders re your expertise as a cynic might think maybe you’re not as good at your job as you think you are. Maybe there is evidence and you’re a tad ignorant in the area. You certainly seem to have an agenda .

How is it ridiculous?

I get parental emails asking me to fill in forms and saying the sort of things I should write. I write what I see, not what the parent wants me to write.

I get emails asking for evidence to fill in DLA forms too.

This is what I mean. You aren't experiencing it, but it is happening out there in some places. Don't dismiss something just because it's different from what you see.

As for being good at my job, I get plenty of emails from thankful parents every year, along with good results for my classes, especially SEN children, so I'm pretty sure I'm good at my job.

Parents asking you to give evidence is part of the job!

Where did I say I won't provide evidence?

What I won't provide is made up evidence parroted from a parents email.

The DLA requests are ridiculous. "can you say X has trouble with Y". No I can't because I've never seen that.

You seem to be affronted that people
ask and it’s indicative of abuse.

Is it that people are trying to get financial advantages for things that don’t happen
OR
is that you don’t see the behaviour at school?

eg because the chikd masks.
Or because the teacher doesn’t look? Usually because when the child isn’t causing them problems, theyre very easily forgotten.

No one is asking to say you’re seeing things you don’t see.
But then automatically saying the parents are just benefit scroungers is shit tbh.
And shows your ignorance around SN too.

Not at all affronted.

I'm only affronted when parents ask and then send me the answers I should write. That's not OK.

No one is asking to say you’re seeing things you don’t see.

Some literally are. That's what I'm saying.

But some professionals don’t witness what paremts witness at home .

And....

That doesn't mean that me (as a teacher) should be listing stuff I dint see. My evidence is what I see, not words put into my mouth.

All parents aren’t aware how it works and sadly many teachers are shockingly ignorant as regards autism.

How come no one ever reports these dodgy drs that diagnose anyone despite being 110% certain they're dodgy?