AIBU to think my sister is overcautious about the new baby?

[ThatShyAnt]

My sister won’t let my kids (4 & 2) meet her new son (3 weeks old - her first child) because she is worried about illnesses.
Obviously I would not take my kids to meet him if they were showing any signs of cold etc. but they are perfectly healthy at the moment and unless showing symptoms are no more likely to pass on an illness than anyone else? They are very excited to meet their new cousin.
To me, it seems excessive caution but is she being reasonable? Or should I be worried that she is struggling or something?

It’s her baby, it is up to her.

She’s being a bit excessive imo but that’s her prerogative. Have you met the baby yourself?

You made your choices with your children. Let her make her choices with her children. Doing things differently to you is not unreasonable.

Of course it is, but is she being reasonable? I’m not going to force my kids on her until she is ready, but I am concerned she is being OTT and maybe she is struggling. I struggled with PND and I’m wondering if this could be a symptom?

Yes I have met the baby once, but I don’t get much time off without the kids so it’s difficult to go on my own to check in on her if I can’t take the kids!

it seems strange to be letting some people see the baby and others not. Adults and children can all carry illnesses !

I didnt have any nieces or nephews when my babies were newborns so I can’t really relate. Hence asking for others opinions.

No, she's fine, probably just new mum anxiety. Keep an eye on her though and check in lots when you don't have your children.
You remember what it was like when yours were babies, what's normal for some is ott for others.
First time my toddler nephew met my newborn daughter he hit her! Everyone was fine btw, just a bit of jealousy. I still wouldn't bar children from a newborn personally, but perhaps when kids have just started back at school and germs are spreading isn't the time.

Precious FTM but you have to allow it. It’s a first baby thing

Children are much germier than adults. They are less likely to be washing their hands after coughing or indeed covering their mouths at all!

Suggest meeting outdoors while the weather is nice. Reassure her that your DC won’t be kissing the baby or sticking their fingers in his mouth/eye/up his nose!
That will mitigate the risk.

He is so sensitive and toddlers are so germy just let him have his vaccines first

I think it's ridiciulous but surprisingly common. I'd give it a week or two and hopefully she'll calm down a bit.

It’s excessive. She’s not being reasonable. But this is classic PFB behaviour. When is she planning on allowing the cousins to meet?

It’s her baby to choose. It’s reasonable. Why not do a FaceTime if she’s willing then you go around separately. She’ll be all over the place anyway just now so don’t judge her too harshly. This won’t affect your kids at all.

Vaccines are for serious illnesses (which my children are fully vaccinated against so wouldn’t be carrying anyway), not coughs and colds etc - the vaccines won’t save him from those!

But OP’s children obviously don’t have any of the diseases that we vaccinate against. If they are vaccinated themselves, they aren’t going to give the baby measles or mumps, are they? Vaccines don’t prevent the common cold, which I suspect is what OP‘s sister is worried about!

like I said I’m not judging, just concerned she’s not ok. She doesn’t want to do FaceTime because she’s too tired in the evenings (when we are available) - kinda get that tbf, I do remember how exhausting newborns are!

Her world has been turned upside. She may well be just trying to get through the day at the moment without anything extra to even contemplate. What are the risks for her and the baby meeting your children? Illness complications worst case scenario death.

What are the risks for your children waiting a few weeks?

I imagine that when you were a first time mother you made decisions that were irrational to others.

I was similar until six week jabs. Kids are far worse than adults with germs.

Which diseases that the first vaccines protect against were you worried about? Those are so rare, I never understand this mindset

Do they go to school or nursery? If yes then I think she is being cautious but not unreasonable- it's incorrect to say they're not any more likely to pass illnesses on than anyone else - kids are super spreaders, can't communicate if they're coming down with things, don't wash their hands properly, pick their nose all the time and don't cover their mouth when they cough. My second baby had to go to hospital after a cold caught from an older sibling at a couple of weeks old. When they are that tiny they can't cough or breathe of feed properly with a illnesses that are minor in others (like colds).

If she is still like this after 10 weeks then I'd say she is being OTT

I feel quite strongly about this. I think it’s completely unfair of her. Assumedly she expects you to love this child and for her cousins to love it. That doesn’t happen if you don’t spend time with them. I don’t care what anyone says, love is cultivated. And then they expect you to be instantly in love with the baby and then later on look after it. But you’re not allowed to say that because it’s her choice. I didn’t want to see anyone after all my babies were born. I just sucked it up and I’m still glad I did. It’s an hour of your life for goodness sake.

Even if mum was vaccinated they could catch rsv from one of your children, especially as most people are infectious before they show symptoms.

But that doesn’t change after the vaccines? AFAIK RSV is not vaccinated against (in babies)