AIBU to think my sister is overcautious about the new baby?

[ThatShyAnt]

My sister won’t let my kids (4 & 2) meet her new son (3 weeks old - her first child) because she is worried about illnesses.
Obviously I would not take my kids to meet him if they were showing any signs of cold etc. but they are perfectly healthy at the moment and unless showing symptoms are no more likely to pass on an illness than anyone else? They are very excited to meet their new cousin.
To me, it seems excessive caution but is she being reasonable? Or should I be worried that she is struggling or something?

I think she’s being fine. There’s a lot of anxiety around a first baby and she’s putting up her boundaries, good for her. Friends of mine insisted on bringing their toddler in the latter stages of HFM to meet my newborn and I felt pressured to agree as they made it clear they thought I was being precious. But it was caused me a lot of stress for several days - don’t do that to your sister.

I don’t get this argument. Just because some risks can’t be avoided doesn’t mean people can’t be cautious about others.

You may have forgotten how tough the first days, weeks, months are with a newborn.

A newborns immune system is very immature and relies on the antibodies passed from its mum in the first few weeks. Babies don't have their first vaccination until 8 weeks as their immune system needs to develop and strengthen. Your sister probably has some post natal anxiety. I definitely did but I think it's sensible to be cautious during the newborn stage when the baby is vulnerable. I know most people don't have this luxury with siblings etc but I don't think your sister is unreasonable not wanting close contact with your kids especially as 2 and 4 year olds are constantly getting bugs, chicken pox, hand, foot and mouth etc. Plenty of new mums are full of anxiety in the first few months.

Do your kids go to a school/nursery? I think then they are more likely to be carrying something. While the likelihood may increase as we get into the colder months, so will babies immune system.

I didn’t mean judge in the harsh way. More view her differently as it’s so hard being at that stage. Easy to forget once past it. Not olnul do older kids look fairly disgusting and germy vs sterile new born. They also look massive.

Not saying that’s your kids (germy!) but if they are back in nurseries or something for September chances of them brewing something is high !
They will have plenty of years ahead to play all together 😊

Oh my God, 14 whole days. I think you'll all cope!

I bet she's the type who will banish her husband to another part of the house if he gets a cold in the next year!

Total PFB behaviour (and there are lots of them on MN)

Hopefully she will get over it soon. But this kind of idiocy gets indulged these days.

Previous first born but I was similar! Then with subsequent kids I realised this sort of thing is only possible with one or your oldest baby. If they have siblings school germs are pretty much unavoidable.

Leave her be, I think it takes some of us longer to realise babies aren't made of glass.

I read a funny anecdote when I was an over cautious first time mum “ New Mum , Dummy falls on the floor she disinfects it straight away and pops it back in baby’s mouth , fast forward baby number two , she pops the dummy in her own mouth to clean , by the time baby number 3 arrives she gives it to the dog to lick !! You get the gist !! 😂

Can you ask your sister to have a show and tell of baby over facetime for your children for now so they don't feel left out?

No, she's being cautious about your young children aka germ factories passing on things her infant has no immunity to.

Stop bugging her.

Also why does it matter so much for a 4 and 2 year old to meet a baby that won’t be living in their house.

Are you expecting her to let them sit holding the baby or just look at it because really it makes no difference to any of the three children if they meet today or in 2 months time tbh apart from letting the baby build up a better immune system.

Respect her wishes. My second had RSV at 7 weeks old and was hospitalised for 2 weeks and nearly died.

He likely caught it off his older sister but if it’s your first why mitigate the risk when babies are pretty boring to children.

A bit over cautious but not unreasonable given the ages of your children and the fact she has a newborn.

As PP have said, toddlers and preschoolers are huge super spreaders, have poor hand hygiene (still learning to wash hands properly, don't wash as often as they should, will cough on/ wipe noses with their hands, tend to be huge lovers of picking things up off the floor - stones/ sticks/ mud/ leaves), not always great at covering mouths when coughing and sneezing, if they are at nursery or school in contact with lots of other people who also have poor hand hygiene. They are not always the best with personal space and impulse control and can move at the speed of light, they will touch/ kiss/ poke even if told not to, not because they are naughty but curious. They can also be quite robust in the showing of illnesses - they can be incubating something but be absolutely fine, then suddenly 2 hours later be poorly, then poorly for a few hours and bounce back like nothing has happened.

My own baby DD was quite poorly last winter (born last September) because eldest school age DD brought everything home. Poorly newborns are miserable, don't feed as well, and can be worrying to look after if they develop a temperature.

In a few weeks they will be a bit more robust. Definitely check in with sister but maybe wait a little before bringing the kids round.

Yabvu. My 10 day old baby was in the high dependency unit after catching RSV from her siblings aged 2+4. It was terrifying and we didn’t know if she would make it.

It’s just not worth the risk. Your DC will not be negatively affected by waiting a couple of weeks.

Your feelings can be as strong as you like, that doesn't make them any less ridiculous. My son likes a 90m drive from his cousins, didn't meet them til 5m old because they kept being unwell and the youngest has autism and struggled. Only sees them once a quarter.

He bloody adores them, and it's mutual. Kids don't have weird rules like adults and don't fret about being ghosted.

Exactly this.
She's being ridiculous, although there's loads of mums doing things like this now, and then wondering where their "village" has gone.

A "village" of people who will abandon you because you disagree with them about how to raise YOUR OWN children is worthless.

Leave her at it, it's her first. Did none of us have any preferences about our own first borns when they arrived?

He won’t adore them when he gets older. It’s almost impossible to love and adore someone you barely see. You can sugar coat it all you want. He’ll pretend for your sake for a while.

Haha most Mums would leave their kids with Satan himself after 4 years of no sleep 😂

Its quite common for first time parents to be more cautious.

I was scared to death with my firstborn and much more relaxed with my youngest.

No i figured if I wanted a village i was to be part of the village myself being neurotic was not something I wanted to be so wasn't