AIBU to think my sister is overcautious about the new baby?

[ThatShyAnt]

My sister won’t let my kids (4 & 2) meet her new son (3 weeks old - her first child) because she is worried about illnesses.
Obviously I would not take my kids to meet him if they were showing any signs of cold etc. but they are perfectly healthy at the moment and unless showing symptoms are no more likely to pass on an illness than anyone else? They are very excited to meet their new cousin.
To me, it seems excessive caution but is she being reasonable? Or should I be worried that she is struggling or something?

Never heard of RSV? It's a illness thats most found in children and babies it is very contagious for newborns and can kill them and yes vaccines are available

I remember my friend wanting to take baby to hospital for a little cold she was convinced it was something horrible but of course the nurse told her she was fine 😊

Of course I’ve heard of it. RSV is vaccinated in pregnancy not at 8 weeks!

At the end of the day 50% agree with me and 50% do not so I’ve got my answer!

Of course, you should never kiss other people’s newborns, or babies in general!

All your responses are about what YOU want. Maybe she just doesn’t want to meet up yet, leave her alone! When I had my first I had zero desire to wander round a park surrounded by screaming children, maybe she just wants to enjoy the first few snuggly weeks without having to parade about, or have people in her home.

You are in no position to judge how well her body is recovering and what she can and can’t ‘manage’.

I could, but for various reasons choosing not to - I cba to list and it’s a bit off topic anyway. If I felt she were struggling and really needed help I would obviously do that (one of the reasons I asked for opinions) but otherwise I am needed more at home. We’re not exactly having an easy time ourselves with the full time work/2 kids juggle.

Well it depends on many other factors, but not wanting potentially germy small children around your new baby seems quite reasonable, and her prerogative

Hardly fair. I’ve given her lots of options but I haven’t pushed it. I have ‘left her alone’, seeking opinions here instead.

At the end of the day I don’t really care, yes - I would like to see the baby again and I think it important my kids meet him sooner rather than later but I’m happy to wait if she wants and we are waiting…

Why is that important? They’ll meet eventually. It’s clearly important to you but not to your sister.

I think if people want a village they need to let the village in. We’ve become so individual in society and then moan we are overwhelmed with it all being on us. You’ll have to respect her wishes but it’s sad imo.

I think there’s a difference between not allowing anyone over for 3 months vs not wanting toddlers around your 21 day old baby.

If someone doesn’t want to help support a new mum just because she didn’t want a 2 year old around their new baby in the first few weeks then they were probably going to be rubbish support anyway

Why is it important that it happens 'sooner rather than later'? Genuine question.

DS2 didn't meet two of his cousins till he was nearly 1 because of shifting Covid restrictions where they lived vs where we lived. It didn't irreparably damage their relationship.

2 year olds in particular are walking petri dishes. I think at 3 weeks old it's ok to be cautious with your first child. If sister is still doing it at 3 months it might be time to start worrying about her.

I think they’ll be less likely to feel jealous with grandparents if they see him regularly and feel included. They’ve always had grandparents full attention when we’ve been together and I think they will find it hard to share them, especially if they don’t know the baby who is taking their attention away.

I think you’re the one that’s being OTT now. They haven’t met the baby in a whole 3 weeks of its life, not 3 months or 3 years. It’ll come OP. Calm down

this time of year is terrible for germs, if your kids are in nursery they are likely mingling with kids whose siblings are 2 weeks into a new term at school and sharing all sorts of germs. If she can shield her newborn from those things for a bit then why shouldn't she?!
your kids are going to be excited to meet the baby and will want to touch them, and quite probably accidentally sneeze directly into their face. Colds and things are miserable for a tiny baby and if they're unwell they might not be able to have their vaccinations on schedule which is super annoying.

Her choice which should be respected.

She's being unreasonable BUT hormones male you anxious to the point of ridiculous and she may genuinely be struggling to rationalisenso be kind and support and guide rather than judge and be frustrated

I see both sides.

My DD picked up RSV at 5 weeks old - she was 6 weeks prem. She nearly died. She got it from the toddler of a friend.

If I had my time again. No visitors for 6 weeks.

You don’t really care. Sure. That’s good though, you won’t mind letting her come to you when she’s ready, all is well.

idk if this was sarcastic or not but that’s exactly how I’ve left it with her, yes!

I think you should use this time to assess your need to have your sister behave how you want regarding her own baby. This time is not about you, or your children.

Now you’re just being provocative! 🙄

How is it provocative to say you’re making this all about you? I think you need to hear it, as you’ve gone to all this trouble to get people to agree with you that your sister should allow to and your children to see her baby when she’s said no.

I think I see your point a bit now, but...

I suppose she would love to see you/get your help, but you have a very limited availability on your own. The thing is - it isn't her limitation as being overly precious. It is your limitation, having two children in a risky age. And she just accepts that. Anyway, how much help could you realistically provide with 2 and 4 yo with you? I'd expect they would turn it from help to visit - and the risks aren't worth it now.

As for the risk, it is very different when you have an older child in the same household and just have to accept the related germs vs when simply postponing introducing the very young baby to cousins means removing one potential risk vector.

The grandparent aspect can wait - your children won't notice sharing them with a new baby untill they met all together.

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The "village thing" - village happens over the time, over many interactions. Skipping one meeting shouldn't mean anything.