AIBU not inviting my prankster brother to protect my fiancée's wedding day

[OneSereneBiscuit]

I am marrying the love of my life "Amanda" in a few months . We have a beautiful two year old son and a great life together. unfortunately she suffers from an anxiety disorder. She does see a therapist, but it is still something she has to manage on a daily basis, and wedding planning has been very hard for her emotionally.
I have an older brother "Jason" who is pretty famous for playing pranks that most people would consider over the line. For a few examples...

• tying a friend up and giving him a horrible spray tan
• setting his best friend up on a fake date and smashing pie all over her face as she waited thinking she got stood up
• filling a kids pool up with ice water inside the house and rolling his wife off the couch while she was sleeping

I'm just giving some context that his pranks are always over the top and would be a dealbreaker for most people. However he only does them to people he likes. We aren't very close and he has hardly interacted with Amanda at all. I really don't think he would pull a prank at the wedding, but she told me it is something she is extremely anxious about. Here is the thing, she has to manage her anxiety every day of her life and I want her wedding day to be perfect and as stress free as I can make it, so I decided not to invite Jason. This has really upset my parents. I've never seen them so furious. They are calling me a bad son, bad brother, saying I'm not a man. They feel we are "tearing apart the family" As for Jason I don't know if he even cares. He hasn't said anything one way or the other, but apparently his wife was telling people I'm just jealous of his money and his looks and don't want to be "shown up" She then made a nasty comment about Amanda's looks which solidified for me I made the right decision

This sounds like a reverse. Hello Amanda?

Why does Jason imagine that people he likes will find it endearing being thrown into ice water or forcibly spray tanned? I mean, what hurt him in early life to make him think this is how you express affection?

He claims he isn't doing anything wrong because no one has to be his friend/marry him and he is a good sport when it is done back to him. Before his wife he was engaged for a loooong time and would never set a date because "she wasn't fun" Our parents hurt him pretty badly tbh. They only like him now because of the money

This is 100% a shit Reddit post

Id tell him outright that the wedding is a no prank zone, ideally while an appropriate adult like his mum or partner is there. Set out the repercussions of a prank- eg you'll be evicted from the wedding and not welcome at our house again.

Surely he would agree to this?

It reads a bit like those Bored Panda things on FB.

He says he would. I honestly don't believe he would prank us as he isn't close to us at all. he hardly knows Amanda and we talk a few times a year at family events, but it still stresses her out

oh fgs choose a stress free day, dont invite the prankster. Dont justify your choice, that indicates its up for discussion.

Anyone disagrees, tell them its your wedding, your choice. If they dont like it, they dont have to go to the wedding either, its an invite, not a summons.

Can’t you just have a word with your brother and get his word that he’ll behave just for one day - or the few days either side of the big day?

If he’s not a complete tool then he should be grand with that. Not like he’s Dennis The Menace or something.

I don't believe he would do anything and he said he wouldn't, but she still feels anxious and I don't want her to have to go through that

Suggest to Amanda you elope.
Consider not having your parents either, they sound awful.

If that’s the case then your decision is clear and nothing else to discuss. You have to make your brother aware that his presence would cause too much anxiety so he’s not invited. Hopefully he’ll understand.

Having met a few “Jason’s” are you not concerned he will prank the wedding anyway whether he attends or not.

I think you are right to respect your fiancée's feelings and not invite your brother. It would ruin my day, for sure

If he is smart this might be just the lesson he needs to learn that money and looks are not everything

Your brother is now reaping what he sows.

Actions have consequences. Your wife to be's feelings should come first.

not really. He only does it to people he is close to. He's always been quiet and distant with the family

If her anxiety is that severe maybe you should just have a simple ceremony with just the 2 of you.

For me, in your place, Jason's listening to my concerns and agreeing not to prank would be enough, provided I trusted him to keep his word (and believed he and I had a shared understanding of what would be considered a prank in this case - but I believe we could talk that through and come to an agreement). So, your decision not to invite Jason even after he has said he will not prank is essentially saying you do not trust his word. That admission has the potential to damage your relationship with him and possibly with other members of the family. But ultimately, it's up to you and Amanda alone who attends your wedding.

This is it
You’re doing the right thing

So....

Mum and Dad - Jason is a dickhead
Jason is a Dickhead
Jason is a Dickhead

Jason - I am rich!!

Mum and Dad - We love you, you were always our favourite!

Yeah?

I would reconsider the invite but have a serious conversation that there are to be no pranks whatsoever and make it perfectly clear if he can't guarantee that he won't be welcome, but don't invite his wife, she sounds vile. Tbh I'm surprised he still has a wife and any friends left.

YANBU. He sounds like a moron, and frankly your whole family sound pretty odd.

I would plan on making it a v small wedding which would presumably be much better for someone like Amanda and her anxiety to cope with. Also that way your parents don’t need to be too cross at Jason’s exclusion.

If this is true Jason is a bully. He gets his kicks making people feel uncomfortable and humiliated.

Give Amanda a stress free wedding and don't invite your annoying, very unfunny, tool of a brother. He is a boring inadequate man.

Personally, bearing in mind that your wife to be is so severely anxious, I would recommend a destination wedding instead of the usual type do. Having both already been married and divorced, we decided we'd done the traditional thing once for our parents and family's, and second time around was for us. So we booked a 3 week holiday abroad, and arranged to get married during the second week. We spent the first week relaxing and working on our tans, and asked a couple that we'd got talking to by the pool, if they would be witnesses for us. It was all incredibly relaxing, with none of the usual stresses of a wedding at home.