AIBU not inviting my prankster brother to protect my fiancée's wedding day

[OneSereneBiscuit]

I am marrying the love of my life "Amanda" in a few months . We have a beautiful two year old son and a great life together. unfortunately she suffers from an anxiety disorder. She does see a therapist, but it is still something she has to manage on a daily basis, and wedding planning has been very hard for her emotionally.
I have an older brother "Jason" who is pretty famous for playing pranks that most people would consider over the line. For a few examples...

• tying a friend up and giving him a horrible spray tan
• setting his best friend up on a fake date and smashing pie all over her face as she waited thinking she got stood up
• filling a kids pool up with ice water inside the house and rolling his wife off the couch while she was sleeping

I'm just giving some context that his pranks are always over the top and would be a dealbreaker for most people. However he only does them to people he likes. We aren't very close and he has hardly interacted with Amanda at all. I really don't think he would pull a prank at the wedding, but she told me it is something she is extremely anxious about. Here is the thing, she has to manage her anxiety every day of her life and I want her wedding day to be perfect and as stress free as I can make it, so I decided not to invite Jason. This has really upset my parents. I've never seen them so furious. They are calling me a bad son, bad brother, saying I'm not a man. They feel we are "tearing apart the family" As for Jason I don't know if he even cares. He hasn't said anything one way or the other, but apparently his wife was telling people I'm just jealous of his money and his looks and don't want to be "shown up" She then made a nasty comment about Amanda's looks which solidified for me I made the right decision

Put your fiance first and don't invite your juvenile brother. Maybe he will realise pranks cause distress to people and the consequences are that nobody wants to invite him anymore.

She says your soon to be wife is "coddled like a little girl" and yet she treats her 7 yr old like a baby! The hypocrisy....

Amanda is your family now. By not inviting Jason you are, quite rightly, prioritising her needs and protecting her from harm (anxiety and stress rather than an actual prank, which seems unlikely from what you have said). Anyone who doesn't like that shouldn't be at your wedding. Congratulations, sounds like Amanda has found herself a great guy and I wish you both a wonderful wedding and a very happy marriage.

He filled a paddling pool with ice water next to his wife and she didn't wake up?

He's made his bed and now he's lying in it. The whole idea of 'pranks' is that people aren't expecting them and you take them by surprise - if you asked your intended victim for permission and pre-arranged what you were going to do to them in advance, there wouldn't really be any point to it (not that there's much point to them in the first place, but anyway...).

Jason has proven that he can't be trusted, so now he has to accept the consequences of that behaviour choice; not to mention the nasty way his wife has treated OP and his fiancee.

Invite Jason.
Ask his parents to watch him like a hawk.
Also ask two strong cousins to support your PIL as back up. You carry on non fussed.
It is terrible not to invite him to your wedding.

I would uninvite all of them lol but then again I really hate pranksters such as your brother.

Invite him, have him barred on the day and then say the invite was a prank, see how he likes it.

Well, I'm over here with the legions of people who are glad Jason isn't their friend.

Yeah, and cut and pasted from Reddit.

I agree with you keep them away especially after Insulting your fiance.. I think that would finish it for me.. as for your parents you're both adults this is your lives not theirs do what is best for you two.. have the best day x

I would invite Jason to the wedding and, as a 'prank' have him kidnapped when he arrives and released into the middle of some dark woods some distance away without his car keys and phone to find his way home.

As he loves pranks so much, I'm sure he'll find it hilarious.

Jason sounds like an arsehole
I wouldn’t be inviting him to anything ever

Has the wedding venue and date been set?

I would make it awkward for the brother and your parents to attend.

Have it abroad or on a cruise ship or somewhere far enough to involve an overnight stay even, and on a date when they have other commitments.

Though there’s the other guests to consider.

Agree.

Maybe I'm completely joyless, but a prank to me is pretending to get something out of my bag then showing the middle finger. Or something similarly stupid.
Actually 'smashing' pies into faces or rolling someone into ice water or tying them up treads a thin line between 'bants' and assault, no?
You could always say if he actually touches anyone, the police will be called.

Edited to add, I've deliberately given a serious grown up consequence for what I assume is a bullshit story, just to give you some perspective on how credible this kind of behaviour would be in the real world.

Isnt it just.

@OneSereneBiscuit

Oh I like this idea. And/or the assigned person handcuffed! 😂

Is your brother stuck in boarding school mode?

I think it’s lovely that you want your fiancée to be comfortable on the big day, however, technically you are enabling her avoidance with her anxiety too.

Also, let’s not forget, everyone bangs on about your wedding, your guest list. How do you feel about excluding him? Would you if it were not for your fiancée’s anxiety?

It’s good to not over inflate the wedding day sometimes too. It’s the marriage that matters.

Of course it is legally assault. That is why he only does it to people who would roll their eyes at calling it that and who would never call the police. They all do it to each other and no one gets their feelings overly hurt

I trust him in the sense he only does this to people he loves and he doesn't love either of us. He is very quiet and reserved around the family. I do believe him, but I also don't think it is worth making Amanda anxious

Yes, but you can choose to call the police if he touches a member of your wedding party.

I mean they all do similar things to each other. Not my dynamic, but honestly they seem perfectly happy with it.

And I would but I just can't see that happening. He has never once done it to someone he isn't close with. He's very quiet and reserved around family. I'm not inviting him because it isnt worth hurting Amanda, but I'd bet anything if he came, he would sit in a corner and only talk to his wife

Surely if you did invite him you wouldn’t still invite his wife after what she said??

If this is real-it's not just her day, it's yours too!
And you say he only does pranks on people he knows well. Speak to him, with your parents, and be really clear that you're not ok with it, and can he respect that-if not, then this will be the end of any positive relationship between you.