AIBU not inviting my prankster brother to protect my fiancée's wedding day

[OneSereneBiscuit]

I am marrying the love of my life "Amanda" in a few months . We have a beautiful two year old son and a great life together. unfortunately she suffers from an anxiety disorder. She does see a therapist, but it is still something she has to manage on a daily basis, and wedding planning has been very hard for her emotionally.
I have an older brother "Jason" who is pretty famous for playing pranks that most people would consider over the line. For a few examples...

• tying a friend up and giving him a horrible spray tan
• setting his best friend up on a fake date and smashing pie all over her face as she waited thinking she got stood up
• filling a kids pool up with ice water inside the house and rolling his wife off the couch while she was sleeping

I'm just giving some context that his pranks are always over the top and would be a dealbreaker for most people. However he only does them to people he likes. We aren't very close and he has hardly interacted with Amanda at all. I really don't think he would pull a prank at the wedding, but she told me it is something she is extremely anxious about. Here is the thing, she has to manage her anxiety every day of her life and I want her wedding day to be perfect and as stress free as I can make it, so I decided not to invite Jason. This has really upset my parents. I've never seen them so furious. They are calling me a bad son, bad brother, saying I'm not a man. They feel we are "tearing apart the family" As for Jason I don't know if he even cares. He hasn't said anything one way or the other, but apparently his wife was telling people I'm just jealous of his money and his looks and don't want to be "shown up" She then made a nasty comment about Amanda's looks which solidified for me I made the right decision

I think I'm with Amanda on this one. Your brother can hardly complain in the circumstances even if he is good looking with pots of money. His wife sounds pretty vile but who told you what she said? I am wondering if somebody is stirring this up. I don't have daily anxiety and I'd be concerned with somebody like your brother at my wedding about what might happen - the mind boggles. Do be sure to check the soles of your shoes before kneeling at the altar is my advice - you don't want to find out he has written "help me" on the soles. I wouldn't be too keen on the shrew of a sister in law either but her temperament might have been soured by the impromptu ice bath - hey at least he was good looking with pots of money when he was rolling her in and she's prettier than Amanda.

He clearly IS a complete tool though.

He’s fucked other people around. Now he’s going to find out. No invitation.

Definitely wouldn't want Jason's wife there.

They prank him back so they consent to the dynamic if not the original prank.

I believe he wouldn't prank us but I also believe he'd come to blows before letting his wife apologize to anyone (not that she would) so yeah she really cemented it for me

She said it directly to me. She is always telling Jason we are all jealous of him, and implying she is the perfect wife and everyone else's relationship is lacking

Not that I know of. He was engaged for a long time before his wife but wouldn't marry the first fiancee because she didn't like his humor. I mean there is some anger in the moment and he gets smacked sometimes, but they get him back and everyone seems cool with it

I believe 100% he wouldn't prank us. He is very quiet and reserved around the family. I know her anxiety is hers to manage, but I feel her wedding day is the one day she should be able to give in and avoid any stressors.

Jason's wife said it to my face. Jason just shrugged and said he was ok with not being invited. His wife got mad and said why don't I just tell the truth that I am jealous of him. Then she said he doesn't just have more money than me, he has a wife who actually contributes something to his life and doesn't need to be coddled like a little girl. Then she said "oh yeah and my skin doesn't look like that"

I wouldn't be inviting them. They sound a bit deranged - the pair of them. What does she contribute to his life - apart from being willing to be rolled unaware into an ice bath and alienating his relatives?

According to her she is the perfect mother and no one else in the world has ever loved their child before (her seven year old is carried everywhere and sleeps in their bed half the time) and she makes money. She's never going to let us forget that part.

Sometimes you have to put your fiancé / wife before your parents and siblings. Your wedding day is one of those times.

At the risk of minimising your fiancé’s anxiety, I think even the least anxious amongst us would be on edge with someone like Jason coming to the wedding. I really don’t think skipping him off the invite list is particularly shocking. He sounds like a tolerated bully who gets kicks out of humiliating people.

I don't believe he would do anything and he said he wouldn't,

What he says and what he does can be 2 very different things with his history of pranking, how much can you trust him...

It sounds like he had a rough time growing up, so now he is taking that anger out on others and calling it "all in fun". He wants others to feel as he has for much of his life.

It isn't. Don't invite him and if your parents get angry at you, tell them to think about why he acts as he does.

@OneSereneBiscuit I also think that if Jason is invited he would do something, even if not to Amanda directly, but something to put the attention on him during the wedding or the reception.

It will be like a compulsion for him. JMHO

As for his wife, what an ugly souled person. Her looks will fail but her ugly behavior will grow old along with her.

@OneSereneBiscuit You don't actually have to think about this. Your Sil's comment about your wife burned all potential bridges that might have been. No coming back from that so they are not invited.

I was Amanda. I would have preferred a wedding with just dh, our dc and a witness where dh wanted a big party. Compromise: family and a few close friends, marriage and then a nice restaurant for lunch.

Yes this.

I remember being filled with dread when my husband chose his best man and said he was going to do an amazing speech. This person had a reputation for pranks/being incredibly inappropriate, which I had experienced first hand, and I was worried about what he was going to do or say. I also have an anxiety disorder but I accepted I had to trust my husband as it was his day as well and that friend was like family to him.

He was an amazing best man. Super helpful, really lovely to everyone and gave a really sentimental speech with none of the bad stuff I was expecting. Totally proved me wrong.

I think if you genuinely believe he won’t prank, it’s a bit harsh to exclude him.

A joke is only funny if both people are laughing. Was the friend who was stood up on a date and had a pie rubbed in their face laughing? Really?

It doesnt sound like pranks, it sounds like he's nasty and immature.

Not someone I'd want to spend time with, especially on my wedding day!

On the off chance this is real, his so-called pranks, are assaults and he is lucky he has never had to face up to any serious consequences. Immersing a sleeping person in ice is a good way to induce a heart attack.

As for Jason I don't know if he even cares. He hasn't said anything one way or the other, but apparently his wife was telling people I'm just jealous of his money and his looks and don't want to be "shown up".

I had my doubts whether this whole pranking scenario was even true. It sounds a bit far fetched. Then by page 3 you are detailing the whole supposed face-to-face conversation you had with Jason and his wife, which completely contradicts this paragraph in your OP. At least try to stay consistent. I'm definitely on the side of this being complete 🐂💩.

I mean there is some anger in the moment and he gets smacked sometimes, but they get him back and everyone seems cool with it

That doesn't sound to me like people 'enjoying the fun and playing along'; it sounds like they're furious at him and are hitting back in anger as a result of how much he has upset them with his selfishness, to try to get him to see how horrible it is to be on the receiving end.

I think it’s pretty disgusting that you left your brother out of your wedding on the hypothetical possibility that he might play a prank, even though you are sure he won’t, just because your fiancé is let’s face it being irrational about it. Maybe you need to keep your wedding very very simple. And small because everything‘s gonna tip her over the edge ahead of the day.

I would like to hear your brother's view of his family and upbringing.

Can't you have a strong word with him and tell him that he must not do this on your wedding day?

What an odd, odd post - definitely real 😒