AIBU to allow teen DD to swear at home?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

My mother is appalled by this. It came about when DD4 (15) came home in a mood about something at school, I was on the phone with my mother and sister. She said "Mr X said we cant use Y room at lunch any more for health and safety, which is bullshit, he just can't be arsed being in there".

I made sympathetic noises, she went up to her room.

Mother is disgusted that I "allow" this. DD has no younger siblings, and all her older siblings were allowed the same as long as they didnt do it in front of their not-at-senior-school younger sibs.

I just think that they are all swearing like dockers at school so what is the point in pretending they dont? I swear a lot, especially when driving, so it would be very hypocritical of me to censor her. Obviously, she knows where and when it s appropriate and never swears in front of her Grandma.

Oh for goodness' sake - it is none of your Mum's business.

My 14 year old GS just said something much worse - but it was appropriate to what he was saying and was in a family setting - he knows when and where it is OK. He is a sensible young adult.

If she thinks what your DD said is awful then she is off beam.

Fuck no.

(Only kidding, we are all swearers too.)

Irony being that Mother swears a lot when she feels like it!

Personally I think kids of any age swearing in front of their parents and especially grandparents is very disrespectful and chavtastic.

Swearing at me would be an issue, but in front of me whatever.

Once the youngest DC was old enough, we lifted the ban on swearing. But, like you, not around grandparents or kids and not AT another family member - ie not used aggressively. I think it's a generational thing with GPs objecting.

It's a relief to me, as well, to be able to say "fucksake" once in awhile when things go wrong!

This is how we view it too. If it’s an occasional swear word in context, in the same way we would use it, we let it slide. Swearing at people or gratuitous swearing for the sake of it, not on.

I don’t mind this. I would if DD told me to fuck off but if she stubs her toe, I don’t “
mind a “shit that was painful!”. I don’t really swear at home but in the car I’m a potty mouth.

Shakespeare was awash with swear words. Long may it continue

My eldest was fond of swearing as a teen. We had a rule of no swearing in front of Grandma or her young cousins.

If she felt the need she could swear as much as she liked in from of her uncles, who could probably teach her a few more words . My brothers however never swore in front of my mum.

Swearing at people is not ok, but swearing in a general sense is fine.

The important thing is that she understands when it is appropriate to swear and when not, and only you can teach her this.
That’s one of the differences between being well brought up and badly brought up.

She doesn’t know this yet or she wouldn’t have sworn in front of your mother.

We take an indulgent view of some swearing (not the harder stuff, but a word like bullshit we wouldn’t mind) but we are very clear that while it’s ok with friends, we don’t want to hear s, f or c and any swearing is definitely inappropriate in front of other adults and Grandma & Granddad. That’s a hard line for us as my parents would be really disturbed by it.

Even younger people judge. I was really taken aback (though I laughed) when one of my daughter’s friends aged about 12 told me she “can’t be arsed” to do something. It’s not the language I’d expect from a child in my dining room and I thought what a shame her parents had never taught her any better.

I'm a fan of swearing and dont want my dd to be scandaliséd by swear words tbh

She doesn’t know this yet or she wouldn’t have sworn in front of your mother.

She didnt swear in front of my mother, she came in from school while I was on a call. I said "Ok sweetie?" and then she said what she said. She didnt know my mother could hear her.

As long as she's swearing in frustration, rather than at other peoples expense I think it's fine.

On the flip side to lots of PP I have to remind my own mother to watch her language in front of my five year old. Can we swap?

😂😂

Oh dear. Hey ho - you wouldn't like me or my kids.

I find swearing really vulgar. It's used as an aggressive way to communicate which is often not necessary. Each to their own though.

I think if they’re particularly annoyed and letting it out then I’d let it slide.

Generally though I like to be quite strict and have quite ridiculous rules. My reasoning is I went to a strict school where you’d get bollocked for a top button undone, hair down etc. All the senseless uniform policing. It meant that as teens our way of rebelling was to roll up our skirts. If the rules were more relaxed then we would’ve found other worse ways to rebel.

I couldn't give a shiny shit.

I used to tell my young kids that I was allowed to swear because I had a Swearing Licence and they could apply for theirs when they were older.

Ha, I like that!
I know my teenagers swear but they know I don't like to hear it so they moderate around me. Which means sometimes something slips out and they are mortified 😂

Watching Friday Night Dinner with the DC was the end of no swearing in our house. Very infectious.

Swearing is something I just can't get worked up about. I swear too so it's a bit silly of me to get upset with them. I'm fine with teens swearing as long as it's not at me.

Its a question of how its used. Massive difference between incidental swearing for emphasis and swearing at an individual in aggression. The type of swear also makes a difference.

What your daughter said in this context I couldn’t care less about.

If my DD called me or DP a “fucking cunt” there would be a big problem.

I spend a lot of time reminding my students about inappropriate language in the classroom in the first few weeks of the year.

A lot of them don't realise they're doing it as they're allowed to swear at home. The problem is we're then trying to send them in to the work place where employers / customers / clients won't accept ot and the young people can't moderate themselves.

I'd let the odd one slip but honestly.- she needs to know it's not appropriate

You think it's 'chavtastic' for an adult to use the word 'shit' in earshot of their parents?