AIBU to allow teen DD to swear at home?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

My mother is appalled by this. It came about when DD4 (15) came home in a mood about something at school, I was on the phone with my mother and sister. She said "Mr X said we cant use Y room at lunch any more for health and safety, which is bullshit, he just can't be arsed being in there".

I made sympathetic noises, she went up to her room.

Mother is disgusted that I "allow" this. DD has no younger siblings, and all her older siblings were allowed the same as long as they didnt do it in front of their not-at-senior-school younger sibs.

I just think that they are all swearing like dockers at school so what is the point in pretending they dont? I swear a lot, especially when driving, so it would be very hypocritical of me to censor her. Obviously, she knows where and when it s appropriate and never swears in front of her Grandma.

I really don't get the angst over swearing. They're just words. They're in the dictionary, right there beside all the other words. Not in a section at the back entitled "Do Not Use". The more they're used, the less people will get in a stooshie about it.

Her friends at school do swear, she doesn’t

As far as you know.

My teenagers have been raised in older childhood to filter when swearing is appropriate/ tolerable and when it is off-limits.

DS recently bellowed a swear word which was entirely appropriate, and I was too busy braking and swerving from the car inches away from T-boning towards him to berate him. I was too busy reacting to have the verbal energy to swear.

They don't swear in the classroom. If they do on the playground is their own concern. I don't mind some degree of expressive swearing. Swearing at people or being aggressive is not acceptable.

I was more relaxed about swearing from y6. From personal experience, turning up at a secondary school in y7 being prissy about swear words causes a hell of a lot more bother than it saves. I quickly learned to upgrade my vocabulary for a more peaceful life.

@PissTakePeg Is “stooshie” in the dictionary, or did you make that word up on the spot?

Its been offensive for at least two decades

Well that was an obvious response, but I do know.

We’re a swearing household. DH family, it’s like the Gallagher brothers, especially his mother!

If you let swearing go, then what about stealing, if he feels that you are lax, he will think nothing of armed robbery. Then migrate to drug dealing, murder and then devolve to acts of genocide.

spare the rod and spoil the child.

Really how society has devolved so that parents do not have a modicum of decorum and shirk their basic parental duties.

you must have a really charming child. I think young Pol Pot was a product of laxidasical parenting.

You have made me laugh.

We're one of the families relaxed about swearing but this was a conscious decision based upon the reverse psychology theory. My parents were very strict about it which meant my brother and I were quite excited to start swearing around friends and thought it made us cool. Obviously we were actually ridiculous but we live and we learn.

Our daughters have been brought up to understand that there's a time and a place and you need to judge your audience. As it's not verboten they don't feel the need to rebel and in fact my eldest often complains about a friend of hers who swears ALL THE TIME. This teenager is strictly NOT allowed to swear at home and as a result as soon as she's out of her parents' hearing every other word is 'fuck'. It's the same with make up and certain clothes which she's not allowed to wear, so she goes out of her house and as soon as she's around the corner pulls it all out of her bag, loads on the slap and puts on the ridiculous and inappropriate clothes. Do people honestly still think that telling older kids/teenagers not to do something means they won't do it?

I'm not saying I get everything right as a parent but I know the authoritarian attitude was not only ineffective but indeed counterproductive with me and some of my friends so my husband and I have made a point of being more relaxed and trying to communicate and explain rather than dictate and we're getting much better results.

Did you never swear at her age? I do remember not saying swear words in front of my parents until I was doing A' Levels, not sure bullshit was counted as a swear word by me then though! I did say "bloody" a bloody lot... I mentally ranked them in order of shock factor, sht was least rude, fck was prob worst. I don't think I have ever used the C word that seems so popular now. Teen dd prided herself on that she didn't swear, until she got to 13 and really hormonal and she screamed FCCCKK ! when she dropped something and stubbed her toe at the same time. I actually laughed because it was so odd to hear!
Your mum needs to get out a bit more. She might have something if the kid is constantly swearing in every sentence but not for , essentially, dramatic effect.

But it's describing BEHAVIOUR. What's wrong with that

Doesn't answer why?

But I don’t swear although I learned swear
words at school. Just because others around you do it doesn’t mean you have to. As I tell my young ones don’t be sheep.

It is also what they hear from adults around them and the culture they grow up in.

That’s not to single out a certain demographic, people from all walks of life swear or don’t.

Nobody is handing you a medal.

I'm not saying I get everything right as a parent but I know the authoritarian attitude was not only ineffective but indeed counterproductive with me and some of my friends so my husband and I have made a point of being more relaxed and trying to communicate and explain rather than dictate and we're getting much better results.

I agree with this. My mother was the same, she was very worried about appearances and "what will the neighbours think?". Clothes, hair, language, she controlled every little thing, often with violence. As a result my sister and I are both affected by it. It turned my sister into a chronic people pleaser out of fear of rejection and me into an oppositional defensive person who swears too much, dyes her hair mad colours and wear deeply age inappropriate clothing (according to her anyway, 50+ women shouldnt wear skinny jeans, band shirts and converse ). We have both done extensive work on ourselves to try and fix these things, but its hard.

LMGTFY

Why is chav considered offensive - Google Search

Lol at stigmatizing working class people. There are heaps of working class people who don't behave in the way to be considered chavvy. There are also rich people who do.

I'm a working class person who doesn't do / wear all the other stuff.

Is that all you’ve got?

I meant you!

@CandiedPrincess Did my post offend you to the point that you were incensed enough to send such an inane response.

I therefore will respond in kind - Up your game.

Now you have every reason to swear at me.

Well it might make you LOL but it is now considered offensive. But if you are happy to come across as rude and ignorant with a refusal to be educated about the issue, you go for it. You will judged far more than I will when DD drops the odd F-bomb.

To those saying bullshit and arsed are not proper swears, I would agree. But to my mother, they are and therefore totally inappropriate for a 15 yr old GIRL!!! Somehow she holds her grandsons to a lower standard (surprise surprise). Actually eldest DS swears a lot, uses it like punctuation but never worse than bloody. I find that far worse. "I went to the bloody fridge and realised I needed bloody milk, so I had to bloody walk to the bloody shop". No need for more than one "bloody" in that sentence!

We all swear but I hate it, it’s unnecessary when you think of it. When I give out the kids say do you want us to say oh fiddlesticks, or oh fudge, but I just say why can’t you say ‘he or she was horrible, or say ow when you drop something on your foot or something. I think it goes along with the descent now into scumbagginess - people using the f word everywhere, I hear the c word 5/6 times a day - she was such a c for example- I think if we let everybody curse it’ll just get to the stage where everyone’s angry and cursing about people