AIBU to expect my husband to complain about hair in food?

[ForVividPombear]

I’ll try to keep it short I’m so upset about this. Me and DH are out at a restaurant, it takes ages for us to seated, we’re half way through our meals when DH pulls a bit of hair out of his food and drops it on the floor. I check what it was and he says it was a hair and he doesn’t mind the continue eating. DH has always been a bit of a pushover so I call the waiter over, keep in mind this isn’t McDonald’s it was a very high end place.

Waiter comes over, I start to explain the situation, DH interrupts, says there is no problem and asks the waiter to leave. I then ask him why he isn’t getting it redone and he asks me why I’m being such a bitch. I was shocked, walked out for a bit, came back, he apologised and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the meal. When the waiter comes back at the end DH says everything was great and tips £50. At this point I was just done and walked out to wait in the car.

I just want him to stand up for himself a bit more and he just won’t. I’ve brought it up a few times and he mentions he’s the one who paid and it was his food like that is in any way relevant. Then he tries to make me out as the baddie. AIBU?

I'm not squeamish about many things but a hair in my food makes me gag!

I wouldn't be able to finish the dinner, probably wouldn't be able to finish whatever replacement they brought out either!

I wonder if this is yet another thread where the op doesn't come back because it didn't go the way she wanted.

I don't know, there's plenty of women calling her DH pathetic, a wimp, wet. enough of axpile on to make her feel better about herself I'm sure

see I agree re the sentiment of the hair being there, but are you genuinely happy to just keep eating it or would it stop you from finishing your meal so you'd pay full price and go home hungry? if the former, like the DH, then it's reasonable to say nothing. if it means you don't finish your meal then you can speak to the waiter and have the meal replaced in a way that doesn't cause a scene doesn't blame and shame etc.

well you're the one making up a scenario. we have no idea whether he's generally unwilling to challenge anytime or just doesn't care and is hungry.

people have different standards. there's a huge difference between "oh gosh, I could never tell the waiter, I don't even deserve a decent meal" and "meh, the heat would have got rid of the germs, gosh this meal is tasty!"

so she can undercut him in private, but once it's public he must toe the party line?

so if you and your DP disagree on something, all he has to do to force your compliance is voice his opinion loudly cos once he's told other people, you have to agree.

interesting dynamics

Okay well thats what i think - theres more to this situation, but in a happy relationship, one wouldn't publically embarrass the other

He calls you a bitch yet tips the waiter £50 after finding a hair in his meal? Weird.

My wife called a waiter over once as my food was a tad cold. It annoyed me she did that as it wasn't the end of the world, only an observation.

Don't annoy people for no reason, they're childish enough to tip just to piss off their wife like I did

Him calling you a bitch is the problem here, I wouldn't stand for that from DH for any reason.

But yes I'd be annoyed if I was fine with the hair in my food and someone was trying to speak for me.

Very unreasonable of you to complain on his behalf - he is not a child. He probably tipped them 50 quid to piss you off. I assume this isn't the first time you have behaved like this?

ETA - he absolutely shouldn't have called you a bitch. That's awful.

but presumably you also don't treat your DH like a child, deciding whether his meal is ok or not and complaining when he doesn't want to. if you both respect each other, then your theory holds. op doesn't respect her husband's autonomy, that's the problem

So in that case the OP shouldn't have tried to publicly embarass her husband...

There's also a principle involved here. I imagine most decent corner cafes wouldn't consider it OK to send out food with a hair in it, never mind a high-end restaurant.

A single rogue hair in my food wouldn't bother me. It's not the dream but it wouldn't cross my mind to complain about it or demand a new meal. I don't consider myself a pushover - I'd have no issue complaining about, for example, undercooked meat - something I consider actually matters to my enjoyment of the meal.

Complaining about a hair, and demanding then waiting for a replacement plate, would affect my enjoyment of the meal far more than just pulling it out and moving on.

OP behaved abominably at every turn. Calling the waiter over despite her husband already saying he didn't want to complain, proceeding to complain despite him saying it was OK and then the dramatic sulking/storming out/silent treatment rigmarole. She obviously has contempt for what she perceives to be "pushover" behaviour by her husband but he was able to stand up to her in the face of all that, so he can't be too much of a pushover.

Tipping the waiter makes total sense. The quality of the waiter's service had nothing to do with the hair in the food - that's not the waiter's job. The husband probably tipped extra because the waiter had to deal with the unwanted complaint.

No one is saying it's OK. If I found a hair in my food at a restaurant I probably wouldn't go back in a hurry. But this is not an important enough "principle" to complain and disrupt my own meal for.

It's up to him to decide what he's willing to tolerate. I wouldn't personally send a plate back for finding a hair, and I would be more than annoyed if someone tried to force me to complain.

He should not have called you a bitch, though maybe he was fed up with a recurring pattern of behaviour. Are you generally a positive person?

£50? Well OTT!

It's his food and he's not bothered, so you don't get to decide how he reacts. Not wanting to complain doesn't make him a "pushover", it just means his priorities and triggers are different from yours.

FWIW I probably wouldn't have complained. A hair in food isn't ideal but it's not an automatic food hazard.

Him calling you a bitch was out of order but you were being controlling and melodramatic. I don't think you would have been wrong to complain if it were your food, but you seem to have difficulty understanding that you and he are different people and I think you need to work on that.

Agree £50 is OTT. I’m guessing he was trying to compensate for OP’s behaviour.

If I found a hair in my food, I would not continue the meal ,and I certainly would not be leaving a ridiculously huge tip! I would be leaving a poor review though!

See, if I was enjoying the food, I’d pull out the hair and carry on enjoying my meal - and would prefer my companion to do the same rather than ruining the evening by making a big drama. I’m much more concerned about the taste of the food, the service and the ambience than a hair. Obviously prefer not to have the hair but it’s not the end of the world.

I’d leave a poor review if the food was bad or if the service was really bad, or if I got sick from the food.

I’m not that offended by a hair in food. It’s not the ideal but I don’t think hair would make me ill. A fingernail or undercooked food a bit different! I think when you’ve worked in hospitality or retail you choose complaints carefully too.

He's standing up to you isnt he?

And you dont like it

None of your business if he wants or doesnt want to send his meal back.

Yeah but you aren't the OPs husband