AIBU to expect my husband to complain about hair in food?

[ForVividPombear]

I’ll try to keep it short I’m so upset about this. Me and DH are out at a restaurant, it takes ages for us to seated, we’re half way through our meals when DH pulls a bit of hair out of his food and drops it on the floor. I check what it was and he says it was a hair and he doesn’t mind the continue eating. DH has always been a bit of a pushover so I call the waiter over, keep in mind this isn’t McDonald’s it was a very high end place.

Waiter comes over, I start to explain the situation, DH interrupts, says there is no problem and asks the waiter to leave. I then ask him why he isn’t getting it redone and he asks me why I’m being such a bitch. I was shocked, walked out for a bit, came back, he apologised and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the meal. When the waiter comes back at the end DH says everything was great and tips £50. At this point I was just done and walked out to wait in the car.

I just want him to stand up for himself a bit more and he just won’t. I’ve brought it up a few times and he mentions he’s the one who paid and it was his food like that is in any way relevant. Then he tries to make me out as the baddie. AIBU?

A hair in my food wouldn’t bother me either, anyone expecting the entire meal to be be replaced is insane.

Of course it's none of her business.

It was his food and he was fine with it.

Whether the OP likes it or not, it was actually none of her business.

You sound really difficult, OP. It’s his food, his feelings and his choice whether he wants to complain or not. Nothing to do with you. Not sharing your feelings doesn’t mean he’s a weakling. I’d have been really irritated if my husband tried to do this to me during a meal out.

He did stand up for himself, against you.

Pretty sure he feels like you treated him like a child, overrode his wishes and opinions and embarrassed him in public.

Further punishing him and embarrassing him by marching out to the car.

He’s an adult, it was his choice to complain or not.

You sound quite controlling - if DH wasn't bothered by a hair then I don't see why you took it upon yourself to call the waiter over and complain on his behalf. He made it clear he didn't want to, and you embarrassed him, what a lot of unnecessary fuss!

Really? None of her business to say anything at all? I think most women would make some kind of comment if their husband pulled a hair out of a meal in a restaurant. I can't imagine many people just totally ignoring it. If you personally never comment on such things with your DH, or kids or whatever then fair and each to their own. But I believe that would be quite unusual.

You can comment on something without it being your business. Saying oh why don’t you complain, is fine, doing what OP did and making it her business is the issue

I agree with PPs that it wasn't really your complaint to make.

But I disagree that it wasn't your business - you were eating in the same restaurant, eating food prepared in the same sub-standard kitchen. Even if it was someone at another table that'd pulled a hair from their food, it'd be your business. Absolutely revolting.

But I agree with you - your DH sounds like a right limp lettuce. That'd absolutely do my head in, can't stand people like that.

£50 tip! How much was the bill? That's a huge tip for two meals.

Really? I mean that genuinely. It really wouldn't bother you to find a random person's hair in a meal cooked in a professional kitchen?

For me, hair-free food is the most basic of standards I expect when I eat at a restaurant.

If he had complained about the hair to you after the meal, then I would have told him he should have done something about it at the time. But, otherwise it is his choice to complain or not. You are being very condescending.

I am my kid's carer so of course I'd say something if it was their food.

I am NOT my husband's carer and he said he was fine with it.

He's a grown man who makes his own decisions.

Are you normally this controlling? I’m trying to imagine the replies when a man throws a wobbly and causes a big scene because his wife refuses to complain about a strand of hair in her food and just wants to eat it, then storming off because she didn’t do what he told her to do.

A hair in food wouldn’t bother me at all, my husband wouldn’t be able to eat it. If he found one he’d speak to staff, if I found one he wouldn’t dream of telling me I needed to have a problem with it.

Why turn this into a big drama by interfering? Your husband wasn’t bothered so why should you be bothered on his behalf?

The deeper issue sems to be that he is a bit of a drip. Who tips £50 for an inadequate or faulty experience? That's nuts! I agree you should not have taken over, but have sympathy for you OP in your frustration on this occasion.

A 'fuss'? You don't think maybe an expensive restaurant (or any restaurant, for that matter) shouldn't serve food with hair in it??

How much was the meal if it was a £50 tip, were there a few of you or just you and him ? I'm a northener so imagining about 15 😅

Sounds like Raj's girlfriend in Big Bang! He says she needs to complain about her "funky" food, she says leave it, he complains, and she says he needs to mind his own and stop bullying her. Then leaves.
Think it's unreasonable you think food hygiene matters more in fancy restaurants than Maccys.

Exactly this. I couldn't spend my life with a man like this <boak>

Is that actually true?

That finding a hair in your food at a restaurant wouldn't bother you at all?

Honestly?

I can't imagine having such low standards in life.

Yes. You calling the waiter over would have pissed me off so much. Mind your own (food).

He stood up for himself. Just not to the person and in the way you would have liked.

Maybe your DH is like me?

If I am dealing with something how I, as an adult see fit, and another adult tries to dictate my reaction - I’ll deliberately be more exaggerated in my attitude of it being fine to prove a point.

Eg I can make my own decisions and speak for myself!

I would have mentioned the hair myself when I felt appropriate but would have responded how your DH didn’t another adult called a waiter over and decided to speak on my behalf. It’s belittling.

Sounds like you ruined the meal OP, not the hair. Way to make a nice occasion tense and difficult. Your poor DH. I hope when he does choose to stand up for himself it is to stop you being critical and controlling.

Ugh, YANBU.

I couldn’t be with a pathetic wimp of a man who’s too scared of authority to stand up for what’s right.

The fact he called you a bitch for trying to take a stand says a lot about him and it’s all negative!