AIBU to expect my husband to complain about hair in food?

[ForVividPombear]

I’ll try to keep it short I’m so upset about this. Me and DH are out at a restaurant, it takes ages for us to seated, we’re half way through our meals when DH pulls a bit of hair out of his food and drops it on the floor. I check what it was and he says it was a hair and he doesn’t mind the continue eating. DH has always been a bit of a pushover so I call the waiter over, keep in mind this isn’t McDonald’s it was a very high end place.

Waiter comes over, I start to explain the situation, DH interrupts, says there is no problem and asks the waiter to leave. I then ask him why he isn’t getting it redone and he asks me why I’m being such a bitch. I was shocked, walked out for a bit, came back, he apologised and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the meal. When the waiter comes back at the end DH says everything was great and tips £50. At this point I was just done and walked out to wait in the car.

I just want him to stand up for himself a bit more and he just won’t. I’ve brought it up a few times and he mentions he’s the one who paid and it was his food like that is in any way relevant. Then he tries to make me out as the baddie. AIBU?

Well its a bit gross, l would probably have wanted the meal replaced. But if he was happy l wouldnt have created an argument about it.

he mentions he’s the one who paid and it was his food like that is in any way relevant.

It is relevant though? It's his choice. His food. Him paying. You didn't eat it. You didn't pay for it. It does not impact you in any way.

It might be slightly irritating, but he is a grown man and if he wants to complain he can.

To be honest, if he called you a bitch (albeit apologised afterwards) it sounds like he does pick his battles and has no issue standing up to you, which I suppose is rather telling in its own way.

It’s completely up to him, he doesn’t need to have a different personality type to the one he has just because you don’t like it, he’s fine being who he is. If you don’t like it that’s your problem, don’t try and control how he reacts to things in his own life, it’s controlling and unnecessary. You were rude.

Meh, his food, his problem. If he doesn't want to complain about it, surely that's up to him?

I would have done exactly what your DH did (well possibly left the hair on the table rather than on the floor). I genuinely wouldn’t be that bothered about a single hair and IMO it would spoil the meal far more to complain, wait for a replacement, cause an atmosphere, than to just pick it out and enjoy my food.

Sounds like you managed to cause an atmosphere anyway even though he wanted to let it go.

I really hate people thinking they need to speak for me. I’m an adult and if I feel I need to say something, I will. Often I don’t. Maybe your DH feels the same. If he wasn’t bothered, why would it bother you? It wasn’t your food.

If you want him to feel more confident, perhaps stop trying to push him around? It's up to him if he wants to complain about his meal. You were completely out of order to overrule him and call the waiter over.

He shouldn't have spoken to you like that, but you're wrong to try to bully him into standing up for himself! I wouldn't have complained either. It's a minor thing and I would have wanted to wait around while they remade a meal. It was completely his choice to complain or not, it didn't affect you in any way, so you shouldn't have made a scene.

His food and his choice.

Stop trying to control a grown adult.

He should have called you a bitch but I understand his frustation at being controlled.

This is up to your DH. It's fine for you to point out that you would have made a different decision but it's not fine for you to tell him what to do. He shouldn't have called you a bitch though.

It is entirely his choice if he complains about this or not op. Not yours. He shouldn’t have called you that, that word is never acceptable, but it was never up to you.

I wouldn't have apologised to you if I were him.

He was correct and also it had absolutely nothing to do with you.

You say you want him to stand up for himself more and I think he should start with standing up to you.

You dictate, you go against your husband's wishes, you undermine, you walk out, you sulk, you walk out again and you still think your husband was wrong?
Controlling behaviour from you!

Yes, I'm beginning to wonder if it's one of those silly reverse threads.

This

op is being controlling and horrible. He needs to stand up to her and she needs to let him decide how he acts and butt out

People always lose me at pushover-it’s always the complainers that keep arguments going, push everyone around, make everything uncomfortable. It was his food not yours. If he had complained yes they needed to hear it, he didn’t and rightly he shouldn’t have called you a bitch, but you acting like he’s a wuss/ weak is the exact same.

I would find that gross and I would have suggested he complain, but I wouldn't have done it for him, it was his meal and his call. Yabu

You ruined the evening out in an expensive restaurant that he was paying for and embarrassed him by making a fuss about something that only affected him and that he was not bothered about. I'm with him you were being a pain.

I think you were being domineering and you undermined him. If the hair didn’t bother him, that’s his call.

I just want him to stand up for himself a bit more and he just won’t.
The only person he need to stand up to is you. What in the world makes you think you get to dictate to him about HIS meal? He was happy to continue eating it, he was happy to pag for it, so let him. It didn't affect you at all.

I’ve brought it up a few times and he mentions he’s the one who paid and it was his food like that is in any way relevant.
Pretty much that's all that's relevant... it had absolutely nothing to do with you?

Then he tries to make me out as the baddie. AIBU?
You tried to dictate to him about his meal, you tried to do something he wasn't comfortable with at the restaurant by complaining, you walked out, and when he (unfortunately) apologised (he shouldn't have, he was correct) you didn't speak to him. Of course you are the baddie... you treated him like absolute dirt.

It was really none of your business

Entirely up to him. I’d have been annoyed with you too.

The hair didn’t spoil his meal OP, YOU did. And he complained at you for spoiling his meal so he’s done exactly what you wanted him to.

He's a grown adult. If he didn't want to complain that up won him. Stop dictating how you believe he should act.

I wouldn't say this was none of your business. Nobody wants their husband to be served a sub-par meal particularly if it's expensive and a rare treat. So yes, I would've certainly suggested he complained but if he really didn't want to, I wouldn't push it that far. But he wouldn't be calling me a bitch again in a hurry and I'd be pretty stunned at the £50 tip. In my experience men rarely like complaining about such things. They don't like to lose face in front of other people (especially other men and especially in social settings).