AIBU to expect my husband to complain about hair in food?

[ForVividPombear]

I’ll try to keep it short I’m so upset about this. Me and DH are out at a restaurant, it takes ages for us to seated, we’re half way through our meals when DH pulls a bit of hair out of his food and drops it on the floor. I check what it was and he says it was a hair and he doesn’t mind the continue eating. DH has always been a bit of a pushover so I call the waiter over, keep in mind this isn’t McDonald’s it was a very high end place.

Waiter comes over, I start to explain the situation, DH interrupts, says there is no problem and asks the waiter to leave. I then ask him why he isn’t getting it redone and he asks me why I’m being such a bitch. I was shocked, walked out for a bit, came back, he apologised and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the meal. When the waiter comes back at the end DH says everything was great and tips £50. At this point I was just done and walked out to wait in the car.

I just want him to stand up for himself a bit more and he just won’t. I’ve brought it up a few times and he mentions he’s the one who paid and it was his food like that is in any way relevant. Then he tries to make me out as the baddie. AIBU?

Sounds like he needs to stand up to you?!

His plate, his food, his choice. You were being so unreasonable calling the waiter on his behalf 😅

It being none of her business is in relation to the choice of sending it back or not.

Course she could say “yuck, don’t you want to send it back”

Then he says no and that’s that. None of her business whether he eats it or not

It wasn’t her meal. She did comment on it to him which most of us would do but it wasn’t her business to be calling the waiter over when her husband said it was ok.
I can only imagine how stupid OP looked up and down sulking

From what youve said, it’s very clear that you ARE the baddie and you ruined the evening out by interfering and walking out twice. Im not sure I would bother to call a waiter over if I found a single hair in my food, and I certainly wouldn’t want my meal to be replaced. If I had decided that I didn’t want to complain about MY food, I would be livid if someone else then decided to complain on my behalf. As your husband has said, he paid for his food and it’s not your business to complain on his behalf. No wonder he’s pissed off with you!

Really. I don’t think my standards are low, in fact I read many things on here that I wouldn’t put up with. However, a hair in food is not something that would bother me. If that concerns or offends you then so be it, I can’t care about it just because you think I should.

I can’t understand why you made this into such a big deal! If he’s not bothered why should you be? You belittled him by speaking for him to the waiter (like he was a child) and he likely reacted out of embarrassment. If my DP did what you did I’d be furious.

Doesn't offend me at all. Obviously.

I just physically can't understand that anyone would be OK with eating food prepared by a professional kitchen that had a hair in it.

Your life, your standards of course. For me, not having hair in food that's been prepared by professionals and that I'm paying for is an absolute minimum expectation.

I think once youve called the waiter over, it was his responsibility as your man to stand by you, not send the waiter away and tip £50

He shouldn't have called you a bitch

The fact that you walked out for a bit and then came back makes me think you two gave the waiters a bit of a scene, and that your marriage isnt a happy one.

But you were in the wrong for forcing him to say something, even if he seems wet.

I think you should leave. It sounds like you dont like eachother anymore. X

Here we go

a man choosing not to complain is now a pathetic wimp! You’re right he should have been a “real man” and told that waiter what for. Maybe insulted him too. How manly

He doesn’t seem “wet” (seeing as that’s code for not being manly enough) and it’s not his responsibility to stand by you.

I think he does tbh, theres a bloody hair in your food, eww

And the point of being a partnership is to have eachothers back. The op was wrong but you dont embarrass your wife fgs

There'll be more to this anyway

you make it sound like he's ignoring some great moral issues. it didn't bother him, it wasn't intentional, so he doesn't feel the need to have his meal taken away / someone be berated for their service. how does that make him a pathetic wimp?

he shouldn't have called her a bitch.

but why does he have to stand by his woman (🙄) when she did something expressly against his wishes about something that didn't affect her.

and she was embarrassing him by calling the waiter over.

I'm not saying that she was right, she was 100% wrong for not respecting his wishes

But once youre in front of others, you have eachothers back imo - she didnt initially embarras him in front of the waiter

100% this.

All these people accusing OP of making a 'scene' and a 'fuss' - would you really just meekly go on eating if something was wrong with your meal? More fool you if so. Calmly pointing out a problem with one's meal isn't making a 'scene'. If anything, the husband turned it into more of a scene than it needed to be by dismissing the waiter. If he's normally this much of a wuss I'm not surprised OP sometimes feels like she has to step in.

It's no wonder so many people complain they get walked all over in life if they're too scared to do a simple thing like point out a hair in their food.

but we don't know that he wasn't embarrassed by her calling him over. him sending him away and over tipping would suggest he was. so if we accept he may well have been embarrassed by op, saying he should then comply and do whatever she insists is bullying.

where does it say he was meekly eating his food? next you'll have him sat there with tears full to brimming as he choked down mouthful after mouthful, retching with each swallow as his stomach convulses in disgust.

where does it say he was too scared? was he trembling as he lifted the fork to his mouth, pushing in another biteful as he beseeched his wife with pleading eyes to not make his speak to the waiter?

no. he just didn't care and didn't want to have to wait ages for a replacement meal.

Him being personally embarrassed is one thing, but to undercut your partner in front of others is bad form imo

Still the op was wrong initially

Some people are not that bothered by it. I had a friend who would pull out the hair and keep eating. She was a really clean and put together person.

If your husband wasn’t bothered by it, you shouldn’t have made a fuss. And he shouldn’t call you a bitch.

Don't put words in my mouth, please. I think it is overly meek not to point out a hair in one's food, and tbh if he didn't care that he had a hair in his food at an expensive restaurant then he sounds lacking in self-respect as well.

Nothing to do with any of the other word salad you posted. What a strange response.

I would never complain about a single hair in food. It’s an unwelcome addition but no one did it deliberately, it won’t harm you, it doesn’t mean the restaurant or the chefs at dirty, unclean or unhygienic. All it means is a single rogue hair appeared accidentally where you didn’t expect. I would expect anyone this happened to to behave exactly like your DH. You are being unreasonable and OTT about a very normal situation.

Stop micro managing his feelings about it. He's a grown up and chose not to make a fuss. Respect that.

It would have really put me off my meal s