Should we still be paying for adult DSS?

[toottootbeepbeeep]

DSS is nearly 19, he got accepted into a great uni on a great course that was his decision. He hasn’t settled. Spent his first year pausing units, dropping courses and basically doing nothing productive. He’s now not sure if uni is for him. DH and I still contribute towards his costs at home whilst he is living with his mum. He currently doesn’t work and his mum works part time. DH and I both work FT.
AIBU to think this should stop now?
I’d like the extra 1k to go towards our future not supporting their lifestyle.

Right
But its still not up to her ex husband to subsidise her.

I never suggested it was. But a struggling young person - assuming that's what he is - shouldn't be the sole problem of the mother.

And my objection was the tone of the post I quoted - use of the words choice and self indulgent. Those are assumptions - might be factual - but we don't know that.

It's not about whether this woman is 'wrong'. It"s about the unpleasant tone and assumptions made without other information. There is more than one side. She might be a lazy so and so. She might be struggling. I am not sure we should make assumptions about someone who can't defend themselves. It is useful to have multiple perspectives

If he moves in with you then his DM can pay monthly maintenance.

Why would you not begrudge continuing to pay £1000 a month to your adult DSS’s mother just because she is choosing to work part time where she will also be claiming benefits I imagine. If they stopped paying, maybe she would then work full time to get that extra £1000 herself. OP and her husband can still continue to financially support DSS without basically paying for his mother to continue to not work as much as she needs to. Unless there’s some health reason she can’t work full time that I’m not aware of. I’m still not sure that’s her ex’s issue though. You need to separate her from the responsibility they have to the child

⬆️

Do you know that the £1,000 is paid based on her work mode, and not his income/their prior arrangement? The OP's husband isn't trying to change the arrangement either, so this seems to be the OP's issue.

When the maintenance comes to a natural end, I'm sure the mother will continue to survive.