AIBU to refuse moving house if it means changing school catchment?

[Holly11111]

So we’re considering moving house. We are waiting to find out about a promotion at my husbands work which we need to know about for budget etc.
We currently live in a v desirable area with v good schools. We had originally got plans to do work on our house but the promotion is large and would mean we could afford to move.
the problem is, I want to stay in thr catchment for our sedondary which is full. My husband is happy to look slightly further (about 10-15 mins) but this would mean we’d be in a new catchment and there’s no chance of placing requests at current school.

I really dont see the calue in moving 10 mins and the upheaval of school and leaving friends. My husband is adamant that he wants more space outside and can only get this by moving further out.

We have had a lot of heated arguments about this and he feels I’m not listening to what he wants at all as he grew up in the countryside.. and thinks the change of school for secondary isn’t a big deal and I’m over thinking it.

Do others think this move would be worth the change and upheaval when they are in a good school with lovely friends and I enjoy where we live. My husband is v angry that I won’t compromise, but u actually can’t think of one moving catchment is really the only thing he wants me to change but I feel quite strongly about that. Would appreciate experience and words of wisdom.

How old are your kids? Couldn’t a compromise be getting them in to the school and moving once they’re in? Or even just getting the first in if sibling trumps catchment for that school?

How long is it until your child is in secondary school? I know nothing about the Scottish school system so if it's not long could you wait then move once they are in the school and the commute for your child / a school run is doable? Alternatively, if your child is still in early years of primary, a lot could change with the secondary school in that time.

Yes, I came here to suggest this. Get them into the school and then move.

Get them into school and move after

Yes this was my thought too.

Are they already in the secondary school? If so, yanbu because they're already settled. How many more years do they have and can he wait that long, to move when they leave school? If they're not in the secondary yet then yes yabu - there will be good schools in country areas too, and the kids will settle there and make new friends regardless of which school they go to.

Edited to add - I'm in Scotland too

All this totally depends on the ages of the kids (please explain the Scottish system too. How old are they when they move to secondary)?

What would the school be like in the new catchment area? Generally the more expensive the area the better the catchment school

What's the difference in school results / reviews between catchments? If it's similar I would consider, if both schools get similar feedback from parents. If you'd be moving to a shit school or one that has a bullying problem or something then absolutely not

You are mentally spending the money before the promotion has even been achieved. Regardless of catchment, I think you should wait and see what your finances actually look like in reality after the promotion before committing to a big move.

Siblings do not trump catchment either..it’s entirely based on location.

i suggested doing the work and moving later but he thinks im just putting it off so that we don’t move more rural as he knows i like walking to friends’ etc.

School is our biggest factor in home selection. I would only agree to a move if it means an equal or better quality school

In Scotland if you live in catchment when applying for S1 you are guaranteed a place. Thereafter you will get a place if there is space. You can make ‘placing requests’ to out of catchment schools and will be given a space if there is one but busy schools can reserve extra spaces only for people moving into catchment. In such schools there is no such thing as sibling priority.

Moving ten minutes out will probably be a more rural catchment and therefore more mixed even if pockets of wealth.

Most people move to get into good school catchments. It seems utterly bonkers to move out of one deliberately. You can move to DH’s fantasy home once the youngest has got his place at the desired school, surely. Kids needs come first.

i also live in a “desirable” Scottish catchment with 2 kids at primary school. I wouldn’t even think about moving outwith our catchment until they’re BOTH in high school. I’ve known other families to do this over the years and they always grant a “right to remain” once they’re in the school. But getting them in is key.

Are the other schools really that bad?

It sounds as though it isn’t even just about schools - you value walking distance to friends, he values a bigger house/garden. I think you need to talk this through more and investigate a compromise - eg would a local house with a bigger garden but still not as countryside-ish come up locally at some point?

Agree with PP. You stay where you are until both are at high school. You’ve got many decades of your lives left to spend in a new house, another five years where you are will pass quickly.

And even then I’d only move as long as my kids would still be able to get to their old school on their own steam and get to their friends houses etc. otherwise you’ll spend their teens taxi’ing them around

youd be daft to move right now if you want the kids into the preferred high school

im guessing you’re either in ED or ER and placing requests are like unicorn tears

This is basically a choice between your kids and your husband.

FWIW I voted YABU on the basis that I think refusing will harm your marriage and that he's always going to resent your refusal.
But having said that, keeping your kids with their friends, and staying in catchment for a good school is also priceless.
Only you can decide. But he may fester this resentment for years if you stay put.

Yes, you’re right. In one of those. Tbf one of the other catchment schools is still very good but I just think the change seems a bit unnecessary when it isn’t far away anyway.. I’d rather they stayed with friends and am fully aware that we will not get a placing request at all.
He just thinks that the other school is good too, which is true, but the change of school and of home seems disproportionate to what we have currently and I can’t see the value. He disagrees though..

Yes, he said as much tbh. But I also don’t want to make a change that doesn’t go well and resent him.
I like where we live but he wants me to prioritise where he wants to live more than the catchment and area that we’re in. But he is definitely upset about it all and thinks I am not thinking of him.

I didn't vote. Are the schools in the other catchment terrible or just not as good? I do wonder if you are hanging your disagreement on the kids' school rather than being honest? I also wonder if your husband's is being a little unrealistic about wanting his childhood back? Was he happy to stay where you are before he got the promotion? I do wonder if the problem is not actually the real problem?