Was anyone else not ferried around as a child to various clubs?

[Imgonnaleaveyou58]

I have one sibling and we were driven to a trampolining club one evening a week by our parents, which we appreciated. These days kids seem to have eye-wateringly expensive hobbies on 4 or 5 evenings a week which they're driven all over the place for? It's important to partake in hobbies and sporting activities but I think the kids are spoilt tbh.

No kid needs to be taken to clubs every single night of the week, they're allowed to be bored/at home/entertain themselves sometimes and parents are allowed to spend money on themselves and do things for them.
I just think it's all gone mad.

I'm in my 50s, and my parents were very much of the opinion that they worked all day and their evenings and weekends were for them to recover, and they were not ferrying us anywhere! I used to cycle places from the age of 12 so I could get myself around, and when I was 15 they bought me a motorbike which was brilliant as I was able to get myself to art classes and life drawing classes which I loved.

I don't hold it against them - they were doing their best. And friends I know now spend hours ferrying their kids around which I think is quite mad - you need a life outside of work!

I do think it is a shame that activities for children aren't spontaneous anymore. Just popping round to see some friends. Why don't children play out anymore? I live in a lovely area, loads of fields to muck about in but never see the local kids out and about. I'm pretty sure there isn't more danger - apart from more cars. It is such a shame as I loved having that sort of childhood. With some (maybe a couple a week) organised activities like Brownies, sports & dance classes.

Neither of my parents drove so I wasn't ferried about but still did plenty of things.

Swimming lessons, riding lessons (went with friends so had a lift every week), guitar lessons (my dad used to take me on the bus and then go to the pub for the hour that I was at my lesson), girls brigade, church and youth club. It sounds loads but I still remember hours and hours of being out playing with my friends.

What's sad is that I can see the resentment in some posts about their parents not being able to afford a plethora of clubs for them when they were children- what were they supposed to do?

My children do have an extracurricular almost every day but it's only things they asked to do themselves and only one really goes into the evening for my older daughter (well it finishes at 6).

The school day is quite short where we live and they're out by 2 pm. Then they usually have an hour of sports or music in the afternoon. It's almost all in the town we live in so they just walk themselves. Most of their mates are in the same sports club and they play together afterwards or before.

DD 11 also does a sport in the next town and she gets the bus. I would not have signed her up for this but she was desperate to try it and loved it so I felt it would be mean to stop her.

Personally I wouldn't mind at all if their sports teams had fewer practices per week and the expense definitely adds up, but they do have a lot of fun and I'm confident they still have plenty of free play time. 2 pm to dinner time is a long time to fill.

It's not just about money, though. If you're talking about my posts, they could have allowed singing and dancing and drawing at home rather than telling us we were wasting our lives. It was a whole mindset about anything that wasn't studying.

I very rarely see kids 'playing out' either, not well-behaved ones anyway, there are lots of parks, they could take out a football or a badminton set when the weather's nice, it just doesn't seem to happen.

My girls had sports when they were younger but only one at a time. They quickly dropped them, sadly to us, when they started secondary.

My sons in second year and whilst he does one sport it can be four or five nights/days of trainings and games all over the country each week. I'm more than happy to do it. Yes it costs a fortune but he now plays nationally and loves it.

It's built his confidence, self esteem, physical fitness. He's learned how to work as a team and use his initiative and is good for your mental health and he's not bouncing round the streets being a pest like lots of kids. If that makes him spoilt, I'm all for it.

My mum couldn’t drive so was never taken to any club - I do feel like I missed out and was bullied horribly at school which was my whole world. I git my kids into clubs so that if they didn’t get on like me they would have friends elsewhere. I have one daughter who is now on the pathway to play rugby for England and one who plays football in the premier league. I don’t begrudge driving then when they have done so well and have more opportunity then I ever had. I also believe that team sports teaches valuable , transferable life skills. I would rather a child was out at a hobby then at home on the internet any day.

I was out all the time at church related things (more of a cult really, looking at you Salvation Army) but that’s it. My oldest did rugby once a week and that’s it so far. All have done the usual swim lesson once a week until they were competent.

I actually had a conversation with my teenager where they said - I want you to help me, but not at your own expense.

I think basically they got to the stage of feeling responsible for my lack of time/energy/money - which I now feel guilty about?!

It's quite difficult not to give this stuff at this point as they're doing higher education in the area of what was previously their hobby with a view to doing it as a career. It's stipulated in their course they need to pursue ongoing private tuition to continue to improve, so there's not much choice.

They do still ask for lifts and money, it's just now we both feel guilty about it. Bloody no-win.

I think it's an interesting question about whether the kids we put ourselves out to help so much then end up feeling over-responsible in a way? I guess it's around whether you're sacrificing to enable them to do it. And does that mean that only the children of very well off parents should be able to pursue certain hobbies past a recreational point.

In summary: I feel it's a complicated question in today's context.

After school clubs is a recent thing. Back in the 60s and 70s my friends and I did Brownies and Guides, and apart from piano lessons, that was it.
DSis stayed after school for hockey once a week.

I did brownies and then guides for a bit. I did gymnastics once a week because it was run by my school, but that stopped when I started secondary school. After that I didn’t do anything and I’m quite sad about it. I wish I’d been encouraged to play an instrument or carry on gymnastics but I wasn’t. My brother was allowed though.

In a European country and our town is full of kids out and about. Mine play out every day or round each other's houses or bring a pack of children back to our house. Just because you have a piano lesson at 3 doesn't mean you can't play before and after so I really don't think that's the issue.

I'm sure it still happens some areas of the UK though when I'm in England I do hardly ever see kids out without an adult - it is a shame but you don't see them out on the weekend either, it's not just after school.

It's not being out at an expensive hobby or sitting at home online, there are so many activities at home kids can do like crafts, baking, puzzles.

Im 40. I did swimming, athletics, music (lessons and orchestra). Did drama and ballet when little.

My parents couldnt drive but did an amazing job helping me (and my brother) accessing everything by public transport.

Do kids need to do something "everyday"? No. But most of these clubs are extremely beneficial to them. And far better than gaming, tv, social media etc.

Perhaps, but there might be other things to take in to account. Some things may have been provided free or for very little charge generations ago which now cost £££. True to a certain extent if I compare my childhood with my DDs.

I am in my 60s. I did Brownies, which was in the next village so parents from our village took it in turns to give lifts. I also did dancing for a while which was in the village hall so I could walk to it. Probably about 50p a week, maybe 75p, can't remember exactly. There was also a Youth Club in the village hall.

In addition, in secondary school I learnt an instrument and played in the school band but, this being the 1970s, it didn't cost my parents a penny as the school provided the loan of the instrument and lessons for free. The band was organised by a very dedicated teacher as an after school activity and there was free transport to get me home afterwards. I think the only expense to my parents was entry fee for music exams, although they did eventually buy me my own instrument after about three years as school were able to get a very discounted price.

My DD ( now an adult) did quite similar activities really. She went through Rainbows, Brownies and Guides and it did require a lift but, as with my childhood, we took it in turns with other parents. She did at least two years of Stagecoach which was tremendously expensive ( and not worth the money IMO but she enjoyed it). She also learned an instrument and played in various musical groups. Unlike my childhood we had to provide the instrument, pay for lessons and largely look at places other than her state school for opportunities to play with others. Worth it though as she enjoyed it and still plays for fun as an adult.

Completely agree OP. My friend's daughters did various activities (Rainbows, football, netball, dance, swimming, and piano), most week nights and at the weekend. Even she has admitted that although the kids enjoyed going, they weren't even remotely grateful for it.
My parents were pretty skint when I was a kid, so I didn't do any activities until I was about 11, when I started going to gymnastics on a Saturday morning. I had to get myself there on the bus though.
My DD has done swimming lessons (because swimming is an important life skill), and now does a gymnastics after school club. I'm currently looking into her doing kickboxing, as she's shown an interest and I think women and girls should be able to defend themselves if needed. But that will likely be her lot, unless she shows interest in doing anything musical.

If your kids enjoy that then great, my younger kids did but my teenagers have no interest in either - they would rather be playing sport.

YANBU. We refuse to engage with it now. Both have swimming lessons (non-negotiable for safety) and 1 chosen activity each a week. 3/4 all on Saturday mornings, only 1 on a weekday twilight. We do not want to spend every evening driving them around, and want 1 day at the weekend completely free and flexible from all external demands. They also need downtime after a tiring, heavily structured day at school. They need time to play freely, go to the park, see family and have playdates, again to play in a more unstructured way.

I wasn't ferried all over the place my parents wouldn't take me too far, I had flute lessons and swimming lessons locally, when young I did dance lessons. When we moved they all stopped and all clubs were through school or local choirs and am dram that I could make my own way to on foot. I really wanted to do Brownies but my local group had a waiting list and when I suggested different one, that my friend went to cos i went to school in a different village, my Mum said no My husband said that his parents refused to take him anywhere, he had to make his own way for the first few sessions until he made friends whose parents would offer him a lift.

Nope I’m 64, it was brownies and guides for me and I walked there myself from being 7 . Went to various dancing and swimming places from around 9 and caught the bus

I'm coming up 55, and first there was a twenty minute walk to the paddock, then an hours hack to the pony club meet. For pony club camp it was a three hour hack - I literally rode at dawn, LOL. That was one way, obviously, so double it for the round trip. Star and I didn't mind, it was generally more fun than what we were going to, and it meant that while everybody else's horses were going off their pony nuts freshly unloaded, we were nicely warmed up and calm.

Basically from secondary age (11+) I got myself everywhere. Public transport, walked or bunked the train.

I look back and feel sad that my parents weren't very present in my teen years, other than to scold when I misbehaved (which I think was likely to try and get attention!)

But yes I do think some parents now have their kids doing far too many clubs.

I have always been wary of overexpecting children to do organised extracurricular activities but as a counterpoint the reality is that many would probably just end up sitting at home on their phones or tablets otherwise, so perhaps the activities are no bad thing overall.

I do wonder sometimes how such families fit in quality family time with parents working all day and kids out all evening and often a big chunk of the weekend too.