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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not let me join padel?

113 replies

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 21:44

ok, I’m willing to accept I abu, if I am.
I have a disability, it slightly affects my day to day life but I don’t linger on it and am able to manage 90% of things. My DH started to play Padel and has said I’d really enjoy it, he’s gone with mates. He’s raved about it, telling me and the kids we should go. (You need 4 to play like doubles tennis).He’s won 4/22 games so he’s not amazing. He finally asked me and the kids to go and I did really enjoy it, it’s one type of game I can actually do. We had a lot of fun. So I’ve been asking to join him since but he said no because I’ll bring his rating down and none of his friends will play non-competitive (which won’t affect his ratings). I know his friends, I also know that he’d allow new players to join his games, as he has done so. His excuses range from it’s “a man thing” (competitive-ness) to “he’s protecting me” (they’d aim balls at me) to “you’ve only played 45mins” (he had also only played 45 mins at one point yet everyone let him play). “ It’s a male-female thing”, (the game is mixed sex and low level).
I may not be amazing to start, I probably would affect his rankings to start but that has never stopped him being partnered to newbies before. I mean, he’s won 4/22 games. He thinks I am being totally unreasonable to be hurt but am I? Do Padel standings really count that much? He’s now very angry and is not talking to me.

OP posts:
malloryknox123 · 01/09/2026 21:46

Can you explain what padel is? Is it computer based, a sport with racquets? I could google but lazy

Itsthewoluff · 01/09/2026 21:47

Tbh it’s his thing, he’s got a new outside interest with friends he’s made on his terms. You will change the dynamics.

Let this be his thing. You play with him separately if you want to. It’s good to have separate things in a healthy relationship.

doodleygirl · 01/09/2026 21:49

Are you on playtomic and the WhatsApp groups, you can probably pick up games with other beginners which should increase your level.

holiday22 · 01/09/2026 21:49

Just go and play padel! Why do you need your DHs permission?

its similar to tennis, played on a smaller and enclosed court. For PP who asked

GoodkneeBadKnee · 01/09/2026 21:51

malloryknox123 · 01/09/2026 21:46

Can you explain what padel is? Is it computer based, a sport with racquets? I could google but lazy

🙄

Arlanymor · 01/09/2026 21:51

If you like it then play it, it doesn’t have to be with him does it?

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 21:56

It just that he has always told me how much I would enjoy it, but now won’t let me go with him. I don’t have anyone else to go with. He has other hobbies that I’m not involved in, darts, squash, fishing. He told me today, that a guy from work wants to start so he’s invited him. We don’t do anything together other than the odd date night. Maybe I’ll ask around in work. I just wanted to join a few games with him to learn all about it.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 01/09/2026 21:57

I think people should be able to have their own individual hobbies away from their families. Some things are nice to do as a family, some things are nice kept separate and be an individual, not parent and spouse.

Raindropskeepfallingon · 01/09/2026 22:00

JLou08 · 01/09/2026 21:57

I think people should be able to have their own individual hobbies away from their families. Some things are nice to do as a family, some things are nice kept separate and be an individual, not parent and spouse.

Except he’s raved about it and told her that her and the kids should go.

I would be hurt OP, but I wouldn’t bother turning it into a big fight - I’d go find some women to play with (presumably there’s facebook groups or beginner groups or some way “in”) and then I’d beat his 4/22…

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 22:00

JLou08 · 01/09/2026 21:57

I think people should be able to have their own individual hobbies away from their families. Some things are nice to do as a family, some things are nice kept separate and be an individual, not parent and spouse.

Oh we do, he has a plethora of hobbies that I’m quite happy not to be involved in. I’ve even turned them down.

OP posts:
WerewolfOfLoudon · 01/09/2026 22:01

How often do you get to go out to hobbies compared to his multiple hobbies @Treebaubles ?
Join and go on a different night, leave him home with the kids. You don't need someone to go with you.

AmyByTheTrain · 01/09/2026 22:01

Raindropskeepfallingon · 01/09/2026 22:00

Except he’s raved about it and told her that her and the kids should go.

I would be hurt OP, but I wouldn’t bother turning it into a big fight - I’d go find some women to play with (presumably there’s facebook groups or beginner groups or some way “in”) and then I’d beat his 4/22…

Yes, exactly this.

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 22:02

Raindropskeepfallingon · 01/09/2026 22:00

Except he’s raved about it and told her that her and the kids should go.

I would be hurt OP, but I wouldn’t bother turning it into a big fight - I’d go find some women to play with (presumably there’s facebook groups or beginner groups or some way “in”) and then I’d beat his 4/22…

I am hurt, and now his anger at me being hurt is making me angry. I definitely need to channel it 😂

OP posts:
Contain4 · 01/09/2026 22:03

I voted YABU just because I don’t think I’d want to share my hobby with my partner.

It wouldn’t be anything personal towards them.

sunshine244 · 01/09/2026 22:05

Is it a childcare issue if you both go together?

RumPidgeon · 01/09/2026 22:06

How weird to tell you you should try it - BUT not with him.
Definitely ask around at work or get yourself a couple of 1:1s with a coach and beat him at his measly scores.

SueKeeper · 01/09/2026 22:06

Oh you have to go, but separately from him and get a higher rating than him, he's asking for it!!

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 22:07

He has a load of hobbies, and different groups of friends for each of his hobbies. I have one hobby which I do from home. I going to have a little look at Facebook to see if there are any padel groups in my area. I think I feel let down, because I’d allow him in my group.

OP posts:
mummymummymummummum · 01/09/2026 22:07

He’s clearly clocked that you’re better at it than he is and doesn’t want that ‘shame’

lanthanum · 01/09/2026 22:08

See if you can find someone else to go with, and in the meantime, perhaps he would be willing to go more than once a week, so that he can go with his mate and go with you to help you get started.

Hellohelga · 01/09/2026 22:09

I assume he wants to play competitive with his mates but just for fun with you and the DC. If he’s happy to play with/teach you and DC in addition to playing with his mates I’d find that ok.

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 22:09

sunshine244 · 01/09/2026 22:05

Is it a childcare issue if you both go together?

No, children are 15 & 18.

OP posts:
Itsthewoluff · 01/09/2026 22:10

You’d be happy for him to be in your group. Not everyone would, so Yanbu to be hurt but yabu to take it personally.

PollyBell · 01/09/2026 22:12

mummymummymummummum · 01/09/2026 22:07

He’s clearly clocked that you’re better at it than he is and doesn’t want that ‘shame’

How do you work that out maybe he wants to a something with other people couples are allowed to do things with out their partner

Why do people on here need to make up back stories?

Bufftailed · 01/09/2026 22:13

On the app you can join games with others. He wants to play with others, that is ok