AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not let me join padel?

[Treebaubles]

ok, I’m willing to accept I abu, if I am.
I have a disability, it slightly affects my day to day life but I don’t linger on it and am able to manage 90% of things. My DH started to play Padel and has said I’d really enjoy it, he’s gone with mates. He’s raved about it, telling me and the kids we should go. (You need 4 to play like doubles tennis).He’s won 4/22 games so he’s not amazing. He finally asked me and the kids to go and I did really enjoy it, it’s one type of game I can actually do. We had a lot of fun. So I’ve been asking to join him since but he said no because I’ll bring his rating down and none of his friends will play non-competitive (which won’t affect his ratings). I know his friends, I also know that he’d allow new players to join his games, as he has done so. His excuses range from it’s “a man thing” (competitive-ness) to “he’s protecting me” (they’d aim balls at me) to “you’ve only played 45mins” (he had also only played 45 mins at one point yet everyone let him play). “ It’s a male-female thing”, (the game is mixed sex and low level).
I may not be amazing to start, I probably would affect his rankings to start but that has never stopped him being partnered to newbies before. I mean, he’s won 4/22 games. He thinks I am being totally unreasonable to be hurt but am I? Do Padel standings really count that much? He’s now very angry and is not talking to me.

I agree with most of the comments, that someone saying "you should try this new thing, I think you'd enjoy it" isn't the same as saying "I want you to join my league"

I am also wondering about if childcare is needed if you do this on the same night?

If you want to play, find your own crew to play with.

I think she was trying to make me feel better. It worked 😊

If you set up an account on playtomic you can join open matches (either competitive or casual) with other people who are beginners. You can also find social sessions, which are good for beginners.

You don't need to find friends or work colleagues to start playing. I didn't know anyone when I first started playing and began in the way I have said in my first paragraph.

Why would childcare be an issue when she said in her OP that it was something the whole family could do together?

Sorry OP, can you keep playing together as a family? Or find your own group at your level? My DH wouldn’t want me in his padel or tennis groups to be honest! Why not take some lessons in the meantime ?

My DH only ever plays with ‘strangers’ but has made a few friends as you come up against the same people.

just sign up yourself - enjoy yourself and make friends and pretend not to know your DH is when you see him in the clubhouse🤣

I know a fair few couples who play Padel and they try not to play together much as they just argue. One couple never argues except on the padel court so now only play separately.

Sounds as though he likes to present as a single person when he's at his hobbies.

The children aren’t always available to play with us. I just think it’s hurt me that he’d allow a guy (colleague not friend) from work to join but not me. He also wouldn’t say a word if a friend brought his wife. I’ve heard him moan about one guy playing, but he still allows him to play. I think I’m not unreasonable to be hurt, but I am unreasonable to let it stop me playing the one thing I can and enjoy playing.
Anyone from Swansea want to start playing Padel? 🙏🏽 😆

I think it’s really mean to encourage you to go with him and then say he doesn’t want you to join him again! Properly mean, especially when he has other hobbies that you’re not interested in.

He’s not talking to you because you’re hurt? Borderline emotionally abusive. Is he usually like that?

I’m petty. I would play in secret with anyone that is willing to play with me and then join a club or something and compete against him knowing I would win. But I have form for this. It’s very satisfying. When my OH bored me to tears about how he could run 5K (he couldn’t, he walked 50% of the time) and refused to slow down slightly when we walked together on a night despite asking me to go with him and his being 6inches taller, I exercised in secret, lost 7 stone and started running in secret. Now I refuse to slow down walking alongside him, I turn around and ask in my most condescending voice ‘Are you okay? Is something hurting?’ And mannnnnnnn it feels good hahahahaha. Petty Betty for life here.

Find some more hobbies for yourself and meet new people outside your home. Whar do you do when he is out with his other hobbies and friends?

Absolutely. I know so many men that do this. Same at the gym.

@Treebaubles Pure Swansea hosts ladies-only padel social nights on Tuesdays from 6:00 PM to 7:30 PM for £7.00 per session. 🙂

That’s brilliant thank you! I’ve also emailed Jaxx Padel asking for info on beginner women’s groups.

if you enjoyed padel you will enjoy pickleball too and for pickleball there are plenty of socials, where you come and play with different people. I actually prefer pickle to paddle for that exact reason.

I wonder whether he wanted to show you all what it was all about, show off to you all and then have you go home and tell him how exciting his new hobby is, he’s clearly brilliant at it and you can see it’s a lot of fun? I don’t think he expected that you’d enjoy it so much that you’d want to do it as well. And I think he feels like you’d spoil his fun.

I do think it’s a good idea not to be in each other’s pockets all the time and to have separate interests. But I think it’s also important to try and do things that you both enjoy, together. You’re married to each other; you’re supposed to enjoy each other’s company and I think it’s quite sad that he’s not interested in the two of you doing something you enjoy together.

I strongly suggest you find a different padel group. I think you should put all of your effort into getting brilliant at it, arrange a tournament with his group and then thoroughly destroy him.

Just join a beginner padel group and do your own padel journey

you might get better than him and make nice new friends

no need for him to hold your hand

my husband and I play racquet sports but we are not even at the same club haha

Thanks everyone. I’m really not normally emotional but maybe I’m tired after first day back at work, or I think I was excited at finding something I could do and then being turned down a few times by someone who’s pushed me to go (just not with him). You’ve definitely made me more determined to take it up.

I could've written this myself, OP. My DH has been banging on about padel for yonks, encouraging me to join, but won't actually play doubles with me because he's a 2.5. I've had to play ladies americanos instead. Tbf from the way he speaks about his padel partner it's probably saved our marriage that we don't play together.

The 2 padel places I know (my kids and one of their partners play) have coaching for beginners. You might make new friends, partner up with someone and eventually end up higher up in the league than your husband. 🤩 That might cause a problem though. 😳

I think YABU to want to go with him and his mates.

I would be miffed if one of my friends invited her husband/partner to one of our women group things. It just completely changes the dynamics.

Could you and your husband arrange to go together with another couple at a different time?

I agree. He is enjoying the time to do his hobby away from family
That's fine.
Make sure you organise your own group of 4 so you can play on another night.
X

Well, she said they all went and played once.

That doesn't mean all the family can go and play together regularly.
As this is written at the end of the school holidays (in England and Wales) it is quite like dc were available / bored / willing to humour their parents once in the holidays, but might well have other commitments in term time and / or might not want to spend their relaxation time with their parents (not knowing their ages).

We have a padel social. Anyone who wants to play - can say when they are available and match with other players.

Padel is a fast‑growing racket sport that sits somewhere between tennis and squash. It’s designed to be easy to pick up, very sociable, and much less technically intimidating than tennis.