AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not let me join padel?

[Treebaubles]

ok, I’m willing to accept I abu, if I am.
I have a disability, it slightly affects my day to day life but I don’t linger on it and am able to manage 90% of things. My DH started to play Padel and has said I’d really enjoy it, he’s gone with mates. He’s raved about it, telling me and the kids we should go. (You need 4 to play like doubles tennis).He’s won 4/22 games so he’s not amazing. He finally asked me and the kids to go and I did really enjoy it, it’s one type of game I can actually do. We had a lot of fun. So I’ve been asking to join him since but he said no because I’ll bring his rating down and none of his friends will play non-competitive (which won’t affect his ratings). I know his friends, I also know that he’d allow new players to join his games, as he has done so. His excuses range from it’s “a man thing” (competitive-ness) to “he’s protecting me” (they’d aim balls at me) to “you’ve only played 45mins” (he had also only played 45 mins at one point yet everyone let him play). “ It’s a male-female thing”, (the game is mixed sex and low level).
I may not be amazing to start, I probably would affect his rankings to start but that has never stopped him being partnered to newbies before. I mean, he’s won 4/22 games. He thinks I am being totally unreasonable to be hurt but am I? Do Padel standings really count that much? He’s now very angry and is not talking to me.

He has darts, fishing and squash already, much more separate hobbies and he’ll forget his wife’s name

He sounds absolutely ghastly. Does he have form for this sort of childish, semi-abusive behaviour. He’s angry because you’re hurt that he encouraged you to go and then said he didn’t want you to?
Before everyone piles on and says it’s healthy for couples to have separate hobbies, obviously I agree with that - but this is a man who ALREADY has darts, squash and fishing as hobbies. Sounds to me as if he does nothing BUT hobbies. If he works as well, he can barely be at home. So the argument that he “needs an escape” doesn’t hold up.
OP - who knows the real reasons for his behaviour over this; it could be many things and I don’t think there’s an awful lot you can do about it right now. But if it was me, I wouldn’t forget it. PPs have suggested playing with separate groups and even improving so you can actually beat him. There’s merit in those suggestions if that is what you want to do, but actually I think you also need to approach this from a more fundamental angle - detach yourself emotionally and prioritise him at the same level he priorities you - which is to say, not very much.

Check out if the place does beginners social padel. It’s great fun. You turn up on your own and you play with everyone else in the group.

My guess is this is close to the mark.

A lot of men (massive generalisation, NAMALT, SWALT/WDIT etc) are a bit selfish.
But very, very few men acknowledge this about themselves. Most of them believe that they are really good guys.

So maybe:
He was at work or with mates, wanging on about how brilliant padel is.
Somebody said, oh, don't you already do darts, squash and fishing? Doesn't your wife mind?
And he said, and has probably talked himself into believing, "oh she doesn't want to do any of that stuff. She's not sporty. She likes being at home. She likes the peace and quiet. She's happy.
And then felt a tiny prick of conscience.
And went home and encouraged you to try it, subconsciously hoping you would try once then not want to go again, and he could polish his good guy halo that he tried and confirmed that his wife is content and happy to sit at home doing nothing, instead of cramping his style or whatever.

its not that he wouldn't mind, he just wouldn't say anything. just like most people wouldn't.

I'd endeavour to find my own team on a different night, when he's available to mind the kids.

This

I've heard that about Padel in the UK, it's not like that at all in Spain. We don't take it or ourselves to seriously. My son is filling in tonight with my old ladies group...he is 24 and the average age of the women playing is about 55 😂...he's told to wear a skirt 🫣😂

I'm not very familiar with padel but he's obviously been doing it for a while, now wants to improve his ranking, and enjoys the competition of it.

If you'd started off playing together and he was cutting you, I'd be more sympathetic, but you've gone to one 45 minute session.

Bucking the trend to the theead but its a YABU for me.

And what are your hobbies?

Your husband hasn’t banned you, he just doesn’t want to play with you. He gets something out playing this sport independently and you should respect that.

Sign up on your own. There will be paths for beginners.

If you ask at the padel courts, you may find a group looking for a player
Or, get your children to drum up a friend and you have your 4 for a game.
Let your husband have his "playtime" with his mates, hopefully you and your children will improve and smash his rankings!

Well almost all of the top 100 men in the world rankings are Spanish, so clearly a lot of people there are taking it pretty bloody seriously!