AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not let me join padel?

[Treebaubles]

ok, I’m willing to accept I abu, if I am.
I have a disability, it slightly affects my day to day life but I don’t linger on it and am able to manage 90% of things. My DH started to play Padel and has said I’d really enjoy it, he’s gone with mates. He’s raved about it, telling me and the kids we should go. (You need 4 to play like doubles tennis).He’s won 4/22 games so he’s not amazing. He finally asked me and the kids to go and I did really enjoy it, it’s one type of game I can actually do. We had a lot of fun. So I’ve been asking to join him since but he said no because I’ll bring his rating down and none of his friends will play non-competitive (which won’t affect his ratings). I know his friends, I also know that he’d allow new players to join his games, as he has done so. His excuses range from it’s “a man thing” (competitive-ness) to “he’s protecting me” (they’d aim balls at me) to “you’ve only played 45mins” (he had also only played 45 mins at one point yet everyone let him play). “ It’s a male-female thing”, (the game is mixed sex and low level).
I may not be amazing to start, I probably would affect his rankings to start but that has never stopped him being partnered to newbies before. I mean, he’s won 4/22 games. He thinks I am being totally unreasonable to be hurt but am I? Do Padel standings really count that much? He’s now very angry and is not talking to me.

Sorry to say, OP, but even though people play mixed gender pádel all the time, it’s a bit addictive and it’s quite common to want to get better ASAP (I call it my only healthy addiction), and for that, I can see how your DH would want to play with other blokes. Doesn’t mean you can’t play “socially” with your husband and kids outside of whatever apps calculate your ratings, that’s always possible, and it’s a bit mean of ur DH to not just book a court for u 4 and please u; but frankly I found it easier and more socially rewarding to work out my own little group of female playing mates.
Do not let these funny dynamics stop you from enjoying it, it’s absolutely brilliant and the fastest growing sport in the world for a good reason.

hope no-one indulges this!!

It takes 1 min. Or you just ignore the thread as you don’t know what OP is talking about and “too lazy” to look it up.

You’ve definitely made me more determined to take it up.

I hope you turn out to be bloody brilliant at it and then not let him play with you (I bet he'd want to then) because he'd bring your ratings down.

Petty, moi?

He was probably expecting you to do the same again!

Next time he’ll likely keep quiet.

Find your own hobby.

Surely it took you longer to type that (not to mention waiting for a reply) than it would to google it? Bonkers

I would be annoyed because he made a big fuss about you going and now doesn’t want you to go. I think a joint hobby can be fun although I think couples also need individual hobbies. I wouldn’t be keen if I had a hobby I enjoyed and my husband decided he wanted to come too if I thought it would affect friendships I had made although other things we do together. I wouldn’t suggest he come along in that case though. If you genuinely enjoy it then go at a different time to him.

He's allowed to play a game without you, stop being so clingy. You can play against different people at a different time if you really want to.

We are Padel crazy in our house. Please go and have some lessons at your local club. You will meet people of the same level and in turn games will get organized. Don't rely on your DH for games. I know playtomic ratings are the holy Grail of British players, we are in Spain and it's not like that at all and you won't change that opinion for your DH. It's such a fun sport...good luck

@Hyperbolically thats a whole new level of commitment to revenge. I bow in respect 😆

Join if you want to. You don't need his permission.

You could just have your own partner/s, not him. Or is there a different padel club you could join?

People are weird about padel OP.

I have friends exactly like this - they refuse to play with certain people (even though they are not exactly good themselves), get really snobby as soon as they've won a few games, refuse to play 'just for fun' because apparently thats not actually fun?

But yeah if you want to play - just go and play without your DH!

But he wouldn’t mind another friend bringing their wife. It’s just his own wife who he doesn’t want to be seen with.
I’d be very hurt, and I’d make sure I went and lived my best life op. Hobbies? Go for it. Forget about planning to be home because he will be out or someone has to do the housework. Let it go - prioritise yourself as much as he prioritises himself, and prioritise him as much as he prioritises you.

I would agree with this except that he went on and on about how much she’d enjoy it first. Irritating that he’s now changed his mind.

But, it’s still his thing. It might be easier to find a different sport and let him have whatever rating he can get.

He might not want you to join because he’s so bad at it and he can’t afford to lose any more points. Maybe if he was better at it he’d be more ok with you joining him, but because he’s so bad every point counts so he wants to stand a chance of maintaining some ranking.

Honestly I went with my husband once to his group play and I’d rather not again 😂 he’s very competitive with other people (must have been holding it in a lot when we play just us) and it was awful! I’d be looking on playtonic and joining with other people if you fancied doing it, and then playing just you guys instead!

If you’re not as good it will ruin his workout, maybe find your own partners ?
you should let him have his escape

Second what others are saying about finding classes and others to play with, the club normally has a whats app group. I started with small group classes and then had a group to play with. It’s horrible of your husband not to play with you even just occasionally- it won’t affect his ratings and that’s bizarre anyway.

i actually asked my husband to join because at one point at the start I struggled to get games ( this was years ago when not many in club). Of course he became very good at it. He still plays with me often twice a week and then plays his higher level games as well. He actually enjoys the games with me more because they are more fun and the rallies are longer. We do bicker a bit though so I would forget your husband and find your own players. Hope you get it to whip his arse one day!

Time to join independently of him,play with others, than eventually whip his arse in a game

if he wanted it as his escape, maybe he shouldn’t have gone on about how much the op would like it? If he plays darts and squash and fishing and has added paddel it sounds like he has nothing but escape and far from being a man who needs a little escape, he’s a man who needs to put a bit of effort into remembering he has a wife and not just for housework and convenience, see quote from the op ‘It just that he has always told me how much I would enjoy it, but now won’t let me go with him. I don’t have anyone else to go with. He has other hobbies that I’m not involved in, darts, squash, fishing. He told me today, that a guy from work wants to start so he’s invited him. We don’t do anything together other than the odd date night. Maybe I’ll ask around in work. I just wanted to join a few games with him to learn all about it.’

Perhaps your husband genuinely thought you'd enjoy playing padal (which you've discovered you do) but didn't necessarily expect you to want to join his group? Perhaps he thought you'd find your own group to join? To be honest, it's not a hill I'd die on. I'd find your own group to join and make sure you're winning more matches than him! It could also be an ego thing, especially if you have started off better than him!!

You say he’s got other hobbies so yes, I think he’s out of order. If it was his only hobby I’d be more in his side.
My DH does two sporting hobbies - he asked me to one and I said no - but he wouldn’t object if I came. I’d be rubbish but it wouldn’t bother him.
If you want to try it, find a different group (and get better than your DH 😂)

Just play on your own but no YANBU to be hurt, especially if the reason he doesn't want you to play is your disability affecting his Padel rankings. The main issue here is him ignoring you and being angry because you are hurt which is actually him trying to punish you for holding him accountable. Not much you can do about that. Join a women's group and leave him to his own devicies.

maybe on of your DCs can bring a friend and you can play without your DH.

You can't force him to play this game with you and he can't prevent you from playing it with other people. But based on what you've said here it might be worth considering whether there's a bigger issue, as it seems like he is not just saying a reasonable polite no but being an arsehole and treating you badly.

First of all, it's annoying to keep telling you you'd love the game and encouraging you to try and then making ridiculous excuses not to play it with you. Secondly, he has a double standard if he's allowing completely new players to join but not you because you alone will lower his score (unless you were so horribly bad the time you did play with him that it was in a completely different league).

Finally, and most importantly - he's really not speaking to you because you're hurt by his behaviour and told him so? If he's just civilly saying he doesn't want to talk about this right now because he's too tired or upset or busy then OK, but if he's repeatedly giving you the silent treatment and punishing you for expressing opinions or feelings he doesn't share or standing up for yourself then he's a lousy partner and I would worry that he's showing some early red flags for possibly being prone to emotional abuse. Same if he's routinely blaming you for issues that HE has caused.

Padel strikes.me as a "boys club" type sport. Lots of corporate networking. Very alpha male.

I think you should respect him not wanting you to join. I would look for other clubs/ times to do it without him if you like the sport this much.

Though its a bit odd he wants everyone else to join but not you. Is there someone he could fancy?