To increase this clients charge ?

[Boomboomi]

I have a very awkward situation . I am a cleaner and I took on a lady a year ago who had a difficult situation.
I also look after her cat when I am when she is away and there is an agreement that I care for the cat as she knows me

At the time for my own reasons and her then limited financial situation - single parent , I agreed to work for her add hoc for way below my charge.

We have become friendly.

With the cost of living and I said that I would need to nominally put my price sessions up , but that they would still remain below the going rate , v significantly

This appeared to have caused upset on a personal level for which I am sorry
She has said things like ‘ I thought we were friends, and that she struggles with money Although I know that she works hard she does not have what I would see as a frugal lifestyle as she does go out for meals , has nails done regularly, etc.

I think that I have ‘ offended’ her and she has indicated that I am less of a friend but being transactional.

I absolutely see that lines between business and friendship have been blurred .I have tried to say that my need to increase the charge slightly in no way means that I care less for her or her pet - the latter being the crux of the matter as I have agreed to care for him in her will .

was i bu? And any advice?
My plan is to keep repeating that I genuinely care for her pet but also need to earn .
( Every session I do means that i get paid less than my normal wage - this will continue with the increase- but I would just earn a little more to make it more manageable).

My initial reaction was to understand her hurt or initial panic at the agreement she relies on changing .
And that she buys me little gifts to show appreciation .

I will stand firm at new ( still reduced rate)
when she said ‘ I was your bread and butter before you were busy’ and ‘ you know I have no option but to keep the arrangement and pay more for the privilege ‘ - it was a shock .Also to
be told that maybe I am not who she thought I was and that I am transactional .. have good friends - never been spoken to this way - It shook me .

Honestly, I think you need to get rid of her for your own peace of mind. If not, this will keep happening and you will continue to suffer.

If you keep her on at a discounted rate (even a higher discounted rate than before) then her manipulation of you is still working.

She's not showing you any compassion or consideration at all. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells to do your job.

Assertive response to this:
I do an excellent job for you, I am very reliable and for that I deserve a living wage. To be honest, there are so many chancers out there, I think you're lucky to have me

I can say this - x ! Short n sweet . And its only £5 extra anyway !

And this is why it would make sense for you to let her go as a client. She has manipulated you so much that you continue to second guess yourself. It’s very hard I know but consider an alternative explanation for what she is doing.

She thinks she can continue to manipulate you and from what your reactions it looks as if she is indeed able to manipulate you.

if you chose to reply that you, too, value your friendship and do not want to put that at risk so will no longer have her as your client, you will get a chance to see just how much of a friend or family you are to her, when you are not providing cheap labour.

You might wait a long time for her to do something positive for you. Not manipulate you. Not take advantage of your good nature. Something concrete for you.

As for her bad mouthing you to other clients. They will weigh the great service they get from you against her poor me tale. They might not say do to her face but they are unlikely to give you up in solidarity.

Good cleaners are in very short supply. Your other clients know they are onto a good thing. Please stop wasting your time on someone who does not value you, does not treat you well. Concentrate your time and energy for people who treat you well. Not make empty protestations about friendship and family while doing nothing but manipulate you.

it’s a hard lesson to learn but absolutely essential to run a successful business and live a good life.

Ah cross posted. Good luck.

I'd remove 'you're lucky to have me' - she'll definitely blow even even more over that.

Sounds like emotional blackmail.

My suggestion:

As you are concerned about our friendship, I have made the decision to discontinue providing services for you. As a friend, I'm sure you understand that I have to earn a living wage, and I am not able to do this while providing heavily discounted services. I was initially happy to do this, but in light of your reaction to a very modest rate rise, I will prioritise myself. As I am very fond of (cat) I am happy to continue looking her (assuming you are). Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

What are your normal going rates and what does she pay ?
What does your contract say about increases , have you clearly explained where the increase in your rates go ?

I can only imagine you are working for less than the minimum wage ,.if you're 'snowed' under walk away.

I think the whole thing is manipulation. Seeing you as a friend, putting you in her will etc. I think she does appreciate you in the way that you were very cheap and she could afford to spend her money on other things. If she didn’t need you to work for her, would she still want to be your friend? Clearly not from her response to you charging an extra £5

I have had some brilliant advice - thank you.
I really felt that I had done something wrong and caused her to panic.

I assumed that given she also works hard , she would be the first to understand my position.

Then the comments came and I became confused and felt what have I done , as I thought my information reasonable and continued to offer a discount.

It v much read s that she may be angry that I may be putting full pay clients before her , in her mind, and that is why she says I am transactional.

I really appreciate your listening and advice and I will do me , not an anxious me ( well will be a bit ! but will know my worth - and I am a reasonable person )

Re the friendship
yes I now consider her a friend - we didnt know each other but sometimes at the house she would say am tired lets have a sit down - a wine / a cuppa - it went from their .

The mistake you made was agreeing to work with the steep discount in the first place. But I guess you realise that now. In your position now I would say that the whole thing has made you so unhappy upsetting a friend and spoiling a friendship that you would prefer to not work for her anymore - at any price - as it isn’t working to mix work and friendship (but you are happy to look after her pet and value her friendship). Drop the whole matter of the price increase but give her a deadline (maybe a month?) to find someone else then stop. When she sees the going rate, she will realise what a fool she has been but too late.

If she was a friend, she wouldn't make a fuss over a five quid increase. Especially as you've already told her she's still getting a hefty discount. I also don't like the emotional blackmail from her.

I am just WOW at her entitlement.

IS she family, because to say to someone, after only a year, that you 'thought you were family' suggests some really heavy manipulation.

You have a husband and you have other friends. She is a client who you took on when you started your cleaning business. She was your first client and she likely took advantage of that - you didnt know the ropes of being a cleaner and she fed you a sob story of being desperate and not being able to pay, and somehow you have been sucked into her drama. It was obvious that you came to her as a professional, and that you would be expanding your client base, so how long before you had other clients. Her being the first doesnt make her your 'bread and butter' and if it WAS the case that you absolutely relied on her for your wages, why should your work be expected to be below the going rate? What does she do for a living - would she expect to be paid much less than everyone else because she was friendly with them?

How long did you work for just her before you took on new clients, and for her to be claiming such a deep friendship - and how many times have you looked after her cat when she has been away. How many holidays have you taken in this period, to put things in perspective, because I suspect - and I think that you are also beginning to realise, that her difficult predicament isnt quite as precarious as she made out in order to get you on the cheap.And howe the hell did you get into looking after the pet for free?

She sounds tight and manipulative. You are not really friends at this point, you dont really know her at all. She is a client with whom you felt you had a friendly relationship. If she were a boyfriend it would still be too early to introduce her to your kids, and people would say that they are still in the honeymoon/good behaviour time period. This hissy fit shines a big light on her actual character. Id get out now tbh. You may be fond of the pet, but seriously, its just a year, and you cant be treated like this by someone because of liking their pet. A friend would be pleased that your business was doing well, they would support you, even if they could no longer afford you. They would feel happy that they gave you that initial foot up, not expect to be on the make forever because of it, especially when they never even knew you beforehand.

The situation is untenanble. Find another client and let her find another cleaner. Unfortunately once the lines have been blurred between business and friendship, its difficult to restablish them. Its not impossible, but both parties have to recognise the need and be willing. She has shown that she is unwilling to and is using emotional blackmail to prevent it, and even you are struggling with the concept, as you are dithering around increasing prices but still keeping them below your current rate. The best thing is a clean break. Her cat will be fine and again, if you had a purely business relationship, you wouldn't spend time worrying unnecessarily about who cares for the cat in future. Tell her to change her will and make other arrangments for her cat, she can leave the cat to you but there is no obligation on you to take it. You can't remain friends unfortunately, you need to put your business head on.

If you were friends she wouldn’t question paying you the proper amount, I couldn’t imagine low balling one of my friends. This woman is not your friend, she is taking advantage of you.

I have become very good friends with the lady that does my eyelashes. She came to my wedding, we go for coffees, drinks, get each other Christmas and birthday presents etc. I still go to her every 2 weeks for my lashes and wouldn’t dare complain at the price increase!

OK so I know on mumsnet everyone's a lot blunter than they would be in real life, everyone screaming she's using you, manipulating you etc, it's harder to tell her straight in real life.

She might actually feel all these emotions and she might actually be genuinely hurt BUT those aren't normal reactions to a business owner increasing their prices slightly. She sounds quite unhinged and you really are best to cancel her as a customer.

In regards to her talking about you, what is she going to say, she tried to put my rates up so I sent her a barage of abuse and now she's cancelled me....I'm not sure anyone can agree with her!

Chalk it up to a bad customer who you got too friendly with.

Are you still cleaning for her too? If so, how many hours?

How much time do you spend looking after the pet (including travel time)? How often is this?

Feeding a pet while a friend is on holiday is ok, but cleaning their house for below market rate is them taking advantage.

Well she is still alive, and so is the cat so it’s not an immediate issue.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the cat in the will. If she doesn’t change it then that is her choice and fate will decide whether she dies before the cat or vice versa.

I think you need to rethink the cleaning though. She has had a good turn at you cleaning for her at below market rates. You don’t do cleaning as a side line or a hobby, it is how you put food on your table and a roof over your head. Tell her , in writing, that from next week you will be charging her the same amount that you charge your other clients, but that if she wants to terminate the arrangement then that is fine, you will return her key and will fill the slot with someone else. I would put it in writing because otherwise you will have to deal with the kick back which won’t be pretty.

Actually, second thoughts, life is too short. The relationship whether working or friendship is beyond repair. Don’t give her the option. Return the key. Find another client .

If she's a friend now I would 100% drop her as a client. You don't do business with friends as it will only cause issues. Find a fully paying client in her place.

I would still feed her cat for free though as a friend

Tell her you can’t be friends and also work for her! As such since you value her friendship so much she can’t be your client any more and your last clean will be next week. Then slowly pull back till you are only seeing her/ chatting to her as much or as little as feels comfortable

Be very clear - she is not your friend. She is emotionally using you. It is time to wise up to this.

Thanks again.
Am unsure wether to say that I too am upset about her description s of me - or just leave it - stay in the professional zone as it were - as the former may be less app or difficult.
I would like her to
be aware that she has overstepped a line for me , but at the same time not get in the emot realm. Therefore it may be best just to deal with the feelings privately and just discuss neutrally .

I do think this is a message she needs to hear, copied from @ZenNudist

You need to tell her that her reaction has upset you and she clearly thinks it's Okay to underpay you which is not friend or family behaviour.

She hasn't been slow to say she is upset, and has said some nasty things. In an ongoing relationship she needs to know that, and you are astonished and hurt by what she has said.