To increase this clients charge ?

[Boomboomi]

I have a very awkward situation . I am a cleaner and I took on a lady a year ago who had a difficult situation.
I also look after her cat when I am when she is away and there is an agreement that I care for the cat as she knows me

At the time for my own reasons and her then limited financial situation - single parent , I agreed to work for her add hoc for way below my charge.

We have become friendly.

With the cost of living and I said that I would need to nominally put my price sessions up , but that they would still remain below the going rate , v significantly

This appeared to have caused upset on a personal level for which I am sorry
She has said things like ‘ I thought we were friends, and that she struggles with money Although I know that she works hard she does not have what I would see as a frugal lifestyle as she does go out for meals , has nails done regularly, etc.

I think that I have ‘ offended’ her and she has indicated that I am less of a friend but being transactional.

I absolutely see that lines between business and friendship have been blurred .I have tried to say that my need to increase the charge slightly in no way means that I care less for her or her pet - the latter being the crux of the matter as I have agreed to care for him in her will .

was i bu? And any advice?
My plan is to keep repeating that I genuinely care for her pet but also need to earn .
( Every session I do means that i get paid less than my normal wage - this will continue with the increase- but I would just earn a little more to make it more manageable).

@Boomboomi I find it so infuriating when these entitled people use emotional manipulation like this.
She works for her money but so do you. Her definition of what she can 'afford' highlights her sense of entitlement.
It's not essential for her to have a cleaner because she could do it herself. We all have to choose our priorities for spending on non-essentials but she clearly wants it all.
Harden your heart my lovely. All cleaners increase their rates from time to time and in this case she's still getting a great deal. Personally I think you should drop the cleaning for her and take on a full paying client instead, but you're probably too kind to do that.

She expects you to work for less than everyone else pays while having holidays/nails done/meals out and emotionally blackmails you when you need a modest increase?

She's not your friend @Boomboomi , friends don't exploit each other. She sees you as a soft and convenient touch and if it suited, you wouldn't see her for dust.

My friend highlighted my hair for free a few times to be kind. Previously I have helped her decorate her house so we just do things for each other. No money is exchanged.

Then she told me she couldn’t do my hair any more as she was busy with her new job. The end. No tears. I just went to a hairdresser.

So friends don’t make a fuss when other friends can’t help them any more. You definitely need to stop cleaning for this woman together. She isn’t a friend. She is manipulative.

Please stop being so nice and "understanding" about her.

Her priorities are screwed, and clearly show that you, and the roof over your head, aren't even on the list!

Do you not have many friends yourself, or do you lack self-esteem? That could explain why you'd allow this absolute manipulator to treat you like this.

You sound lovely, and she sounds dreadful.

I am going to sound horribly blunt but unless the woman is at death's door or the pet is a very long-lived creature like a tortoise or possibly a well-loved parrot, her having it in her will is likely to be moot. It won't outlive her in most cases anyway.
I reckon you ought to message with, "You are so right- this whole arrangement is blurring transactional and personal so I think we need to stop the transactional part completely- then we can just be friends." Then fire her as a client in the name of friendship.

My friend cuts my hair, if you include the tip I pay her more than the going rate as I really appreciate her and her work.

Friends don’t take advantage of each other.

She's using you!!
and just because the cat is in her will does not mean you have to look after the cat

Also, I wouldn’t believe the bit about the will…

If she is genuinely seeing you as a friend, why does she want you to financially lose out because of her? What does she do for you (at a reduced rate) for her half of the friendship?

this. You are not BU, she is an olympic level manipulator. I have had my current window cleaner for over 20 years. I think of him as a friend. he does small jobs for me that require long ladders. I give him a christmas gift. I have never ever not paid him the going rate and would not consider doing so. If she can't afford a cleaner, she can do her own cleaning.

You've just reminded me that my late mum voluntarily increased what she paid her cleaner friend regularly, and her gardener friend too, and she only had her state pension. She lived pretty frugally, but never took the piss out of service providers.

About the pet . We are similar age . She lives alone and has a grown up child who is not local and I do not know their relationship.
She is not worried about t the pet living beyond her - but in case something happens to her .

So what favours does she do for you? If it’s a friendship and not transactional then surely it’s mutual and she can come and clean your house every now and then at a cheap rate. If not then it is a job and transactional and she should pay you properly for your services.

Fill her slot with a client who will pay the going rate.

I never pay a friend less for an ongoing service! Its a shocking attitude. Just because we are friends I can pay you less than the service is worth??? Ridiculous. Its simply taking advantage of a friend. Dont feel bad.
As for the cat, you arent obliged to take the cat if she dies. You can say no. A will is her wish but its not your obligation to see that the will is satisfied.

She is manipulating you. If she was actually worried about your friendship she would be making compromises to pay you a proper rate, because this is your income. It very much sounds like she feels she is entitled to your services and that she is doing you a favour by paying, when in fact it is the other way around.

This is why I always advise self employed people not to give lower rates to regulars or someone who has given a sob story. It's not just about your income, it will inevitably lumber you with a client who doesn't respect you or your work and will take the absolute piss.

Honestly, in your situation, I would be telling her that if she is worried about the friendship then it's best you don't clean for her anymore. You can always continue taking care of the cat as a friend. (Just keep your boundaries strong because she'll definitely keep asking you for cheap or free work.)

She is manipulating you and exploiting you, OP.

This was never a friendship. Friends treat each other with respect.

Let her go. Professionally and personally.

Remind her that you are friends but a subsidised cleaning service isn’t a part of a friendship: it was a mates rate that you offered to her and can no longer afford to / want to do. You are absolutely entitled to prioritise customers who will pay your going rate and not clean for anyone who is unwilling to pay you what you are worth. She’s being incredibly selfish. Rather than being grateful that she had heavily discounted cleaning so generously provided, she’s taken it as an entitlement and is now embarrassing you by making it so awkward when you’re tried to assert yourself. This woman isn’t a good friend. Good friends wouldn’t prioritise their nails and treats for themselves over making sure a friend isn’t taken advantage of financially.

Some one asked up thread if I dont have many friends or have low self esteem . Maybe the latter, but I do have loads of great friends.
This is not typical to me and I didn't expect it and have found confusing.
I work for a couple of her friends and part if me is anxious that she will say things about me to them . That Ive messed her about ot something. Hope not , and that they will take me as find me . And probably womt as in reality cant complain to them re prices .
Having that anxiety as Ive just written highlights to me I am now anxious about her .Maybe we can move forward maybe not - she has shown , so far , no insight into my perspective. Maybe that’s an initial reaction, and she will come round . Its hard to draw boundaries when she sees them as a possibility of threat to the friendship , but i am now thinking about the fact that there may be a additional agenda .
she told me she cant afford my normal fees right at the start as she says is low paid , and i guess the extra work she does tops this up .
i think she thinks she cant afford to pay me more as it means that its not worth her getting extra work for her extras as paying me more eats into that … purely guessing here.

@Boomboomi looking at this dispassionately, we can separate it out into 3 elements:

1. Your cleaning business
2. Your care of the cat
3. Your friendship

Your friend is trying to roll these up into a package, but they are separate.

Firstly, you have to earn a living. If you need to put your rate up, you do that. In this respect, she is a customer. If you choose to give a loyalty discount, or an 'Early customer' discount, do that. But you need to move away from the language of 'mates rates' or that your pricing is based on your personal relationship.

Your friend is saying that you're being 'transactional' but this is transactional. You exchange money for cleaning. That's business. That's how it works. A service is provided and a payment is given.

You are observing that she is placing value on other optional things- this isn't someone who is struggling to afford basics. It's someone who wants it all. She wants the nails, the holidays, the meals out, and the cleaning. You are providing a luxury service. Nobody needs a cleaner if they are physically able, so it's a luxury. Do you think she was sobbing in the nail salon when they put their prices up? Or in the restaurant? Of course not!

Secondly, the cat. If you want to look after the cat, that's fine. Although unless she's paying you, you aren't obliged. You can still commit to taking care of the cat if she dies without putting yourself on call for every holiday.

Finally, your friendship - she needs to learn boundaries. She is making the friendship transactional by pressuring you to reduce your income. She is implying that your friendship is only valuable to her if it comes with the cleaning.

Overall, you need to draw a line between business and your friendship, and if she can't allow that, then it tells you everything you need to know.

Good grief. The guy who does my garden is a mate but I wouldn’t dream of messing him around when it comes to payments. She’s massively unreasonable.

I dont think she has thought about my side at all this is possibly a knee jerk reaction - and I hope she can consider my side .

I would explain that I’m still giving her a discount
of X for mates rates, but your rates across the basis are going up. Of course if that means she can’t continue to employ you the you’ll of course understand and look forward to catchups regularly.
then just leave it at that

If she can’t afford the going rate for a cleaner, then she either cuts down on other luxuries such as getting her nails done to make money to put aside for the cleaning or she stops having a cleaner.

I’d quite like a weekly cleaner and a fortnightly massage but I can’t afford all of that, so I do without. What I don’t do is make those people cry and feel crap by emotionally manipulating them when they are simply trying to earn a fair wage for their skills and services. She can do one, OP!

So basically when your business was new she was one of your first clients and you offered her a lower rate as a result, in the hope she’d keep you on? Now your business is more well established so you want to charge her more but she still expects the much lower introductory rate? Is that correct?

She must know she’s getting a bargain, even at the new slightly higher rate you suggested. If she doesn’t like it, she can find a new cleaner and definitely will have to pay them more.

She doesn't want to. I wouldn't waste your breath.

If she does decide to reluctantly accept your generosity this time, you're setting yourself up for more tantraums and tears in the future if you dare to suggest that you're worth anything.

Sorry OP. I'm being brutal because I have been you. 💐