To increase this clients charge ?

[Boomboomi]

I have a very awkward situation . I am a cleaner and I took on a lady a year ago who had a difficult situation.
I also look after her cat when I am when she is away and there is an agreement that I care for the cat as she knows me

At the time for my own reasons and her then limited financial situation - single parent , I agreed to work for her add hoc for way below my charge.

We have become friendly.

With the cost of living and I said that I would need to nominally put my price sessions up , but that they would still remain below the going rate , v significantly

This appeared to have caused upset on a personal level for which I am sorry
She has said things like ‘ I thought we were friends, and that she struggles with money Although I know that she works hard she does not have what I would see as a frugal lifestyle as she does go out for meals , has nails done regularly, etc.

I think that I have ‘ offended’ her and she has indicated that I am less of a friend but being transactional.

I absolutely see that lines between business and friendship have been blurred .I have tried to say that my need to increase the charge slightly in no way means that I care less for her or her pet - the latter being the crux of the matter as I have agreed to care for him in her will .

was i bu? And any advice?
My plan is to keep repeating that I genuinely care for her pet but also need to earn .
( Every session I do means that i get paid less than my normal wage - this will continue with the increase- but I would just earn a little more to make it more manageable).

Thank you again .
I have absorbed much of what is said and how I can explain my view to her.

I also would like to mention to her

If she was a friend she would understand.
That the nail things etc suggest me that can afford a £5 increase

However , based on the many messages it feels that she has not been able to hear my perspective, and she will , I anticipate, return to the view that I ams sacrificing friendship for a transactional ( as she put it ) relationship.
To me you can be friends and pay and also discuss reasonably .
She is emotional I am aware of that - am concerned she may say Ive spoilt her holiday- but I think its a two way street and I would appreciate my perspective to be considered alongside her expressed feeling of possible hurt and anger.
I am
-am wondering if this comes from fear about money and a threat to her about the’ mates rates’ no longer applying - when they actually do .

She has actually said she will pay the extra as she has no choice and that she will have the ‘ privilege’ for doing so as she needs me . i really dont get why she said that - means I will pay but resent it ? I absolutely do not want an awkward relationship going forward .

Unless she is very old the cat will die before her. She is manipulating you ..... time for mumsnetters usual quote "put your big girl pants on" and demand an increase or end cleaning for her

Oh OP, she's left you the cat in her will. Has she left you any money to look after it? Probably not. She is being quite coercive here. She knows how you feel about the cat and so has dangled you being left it as a way of getting free cat sitting now.
This woman is not a friend she is emotionally blackmailing you and unfortunately you appear to allowing her to walk over you. You keep on saying how hard she works. How do you know this? Because she's told you. You felt sorry for her and gave her a discounted rate because she told you she couldn't afford a cleaner. She buys you the occasional drink and sometimes a gift for looking after her cat. That's £25 - £30 PER DAY you have saved her. If you love cats buy your own. Don't be tied to her because you love the cat and feel loyal to her. What about her loyalty to you?

You can still dump her as a client

Every time she stuffs her face in a restaurant or gets her nails done, YOU are paying for it by subsidising her.

You need to charge her your full rate.

Just stop going to her. She doesn’t deserve you.

Just do it by text. Say you won’t be able to clean for her or take care of the cat. You are being manipulated and it’s not fair.

Does she pay you for looking after her cat or just cleaning?
having her nails done will be £35/£45 approx per month so if she is that strapped for cash then she can stop having her nails done and pay you fairly.
by paying you less you are essentially paying for her nails.

I'm friends with my cleaner, she also looks after the cats when needed if I'm away and whilst not in my will she'd definitely love them like her own if I drop down dead tomorrow.

Every year I also increase how much I pay her per hour.

And I make her breakfast.

@Boomboomi your client is not being a good friend and is taking the piss.

I am sorry to say this to you, but she does not value you at all, either as a friend or a cleaner/cat sitter. She appears to be one of those types who play the poor mouth to garner sympathy while you are mugged big time.

Do you need her as a friend really, do you rely on her for company or other things?

Easiest way to get around this is to limit your time. Tell her you have clients who pay you X pounds per hour and you need that money for your own expenses, so you can only do her cleaning once a month or whatever. I'd try that approach anyway and say if she is prepared to pay you the going rate you will cancel one of your proper paying clients and take her on instead.

If there is any weeping and wailing, leave the house, silence her calls/texts and try to be firm. These people will always find a person's weak spot, not saying you are weak, but you are probably over kind and do not want to confront.

I can guarantee you that she doesn't see the relationship in the same way. I am sorry to say it.

Good luck and be strong.

You clean her house for buttons and I assume you drop in to mind her cat when she is away for free? You are mug sorry, narcissists hate to be found out so she is lashing out. Look up the cat drop in rate on Rover. Between that and the reduced cleaning fee, work out how much this ‘friendship’ has cost you. She is not your friend. I call bullshit on the cat in the will and even if so, it’s not your problem. Don’t worry she will find another mug to take your place.

Also - I think she does not live beyond her means - but works v hard to live and have things that she feels is necessary , that she enjoys - she works to live - ie for enjoyment things - meals , nails, nice products- they are important to her . The more I think about it about this , the more I realise my actions may be a threat to her - hence the response.
Maybe I am too compassionate or ‘ soft.
’ She says I am very kind and a good mate -which is why I find it hard .
Ive learnt a lesson here .

I'm a freelancer and this is why I never work for friends! You're obviously being MORE than reasonable already by charging her mates rates. I think you just restate what you've already said and if she doesn't like it, or starts being arsey, you say that with everything she's said in mind, it's probably better if she finds another petsitter/cleaner combo (and see how she likes their rates!)
Every hour you work for her is an hour you aren't charging another customer your real rate. It is literally costing you money every time you work for her.

Also, I hear what you say about the cat, but ultimately, it's not your cat. She will have to make arrangements for it.

Does she pay you extra to take care of the cat? You should work out how much you are saving her from the mates rates and the cat sitter. It’s no wonder she doesn’t want things to change, she has it too good.

This is the perfect opportunity to back away. Friends don’t take advantage of friends.

Someone that has a cleaner, goes away regularly enough that they have an ongoing cat sitting arrangement, goes out to restaurants and has their nails done is not in the dire straits they claim to be.

Shes a CF. If she can afford to go away on hols, nails done etc . "Throwing away a friendship for money" yes, your money not hers!!. You need to man up and tell her straight . You're not a chariy

Op you are literally working for her for free, with both the cat and not charging your full going rate for her cleaning and here's the thing, she DOESN'T CARE that you are working for her for free, she thinks that you SHOULD!

That's no friend, treating you as her slave!

The cat might die before she does and then what she has in her will is of no consequence.

Has she made provision for the cat in terms of vet care and food or is it a bequest that potentially costs you money.

As she is not flush with money she needs to cut her cloth accordingly and not employ a cleaner.

You can earn more with other clients, so terminate your arrangement with immediate effect, she is taking you for a mug.

I think stop cleaning for her entirely. Say that you made a mistake in mixing friendship and business, you'd like to preserve the friendship (if you actually do) and therefore it's best to separate the two.

I wouldn't expect my friends to clean my house for next to nothing like an indentured servant.

If she is saying that she is upset that the friendship is transactional then I think I would reply to say
"Im sorry if the increase in your discounted rate has upset you this is inline with an increase in my standard rates due to increased costs of materials etc.
I dont want you to feel our friendship is transactional so I think you are right the best thing to do is to stop the cleaning and cat sitting and we can focus on just being friends"

But she can afford to pay you your going rate, if shes off on hoilday so much that you have developed a good relationship with looking after her cat she can afford your rates. She's taking the piss tell her friends don't clean their friends houses and your giving her your notice.

I think you need to step away, my best friend does my nails and charges me the going rate, I know how good she is at her job and I happily pay.

Gently, I’m sorry to be the stranger on the internet who points out to you that the reason she can have her nails done etc and not pay you more is that you allow her to manipulate you.

Leaving her cat to your care in her will is the height of manipulation.

Please don’t waste your time trying to craft a message which will make her suddenly realise how she is using you. She knows that already and just keeps on because you let her.

It’s up to you to decide what to do about this now. I’d encourage you to prioritise work for people who pay your proper rate.

Just use the text suggestions from @hoarderofthedough Suggested.

You have a living to earn. Someone who manipulates you or tries to is not someone who has your best interests at heart. It’s a hard lesson to learn. All the best.

I would actually ask her "what do you mean by saying that the friendship is transactional? " Get her to explain what she actually means rather than just throwing around psychobabble phrases that are meant to make you feel bad.

She's not afraid to say that you've upset her - it's ok for you to say that she has upset you. You have asked for something completely reasonable and she has reacted unkindly towards you.

Is she dying? If not then the chances of her dying before the cat are pretty slim (unless you've left off the fact she is very elderly). In your OP you mention "single parent" is it her that is a single parent? If so her plan is, if she suddenly dies, to have the cat go to you instead of with her child(ren). That seems cruel to the kid(s).