To increase this clients charge ?

[Boomboomi]

I have a very awkward situation . I am a cleaner and I took on a lady a year ago who had a difficult situation.
I also look after her cat when I am when she is away and there is an agreement that I care for the cat as she knows me

At the time for my own reasons and her then limited financial situation - single parent , I agreed to work for her add hoc for way below my charge.

We have become friendly.

With the cost of living and I said that I would need to nominally put my price sessions up , but that they would still remain below the going rate , v significantly

This appeared to have caused upset on a personal level for which I am sorry
She has said things like ‘ I thought we were friends, and that she struggles with money Although I know that she works hard she does not have what I would see as a frugal lifestyle as she does go out for meals , has nails done regularly, etc.

I think that I have ‘ offended’ her and she has indicated that I am less of a friend but being transactional.

I absolutely see that lines between business and friendship have been blurred .I have tried to say that my need to increase the charge slightly in no way means that I care less for her or her pet - the latter being the crux of the matter as I have agreed to care for him in her will .

was i bu? And any advice?
My plan is to keep repeating that I genuinely care for her pet but also need to earn .
( Every session I do means that i get paid less than my normal wage - this will continue with the increase- but I would just earn a little more to make it more manageable).

Sorry OP, but being perfectly honest I think you are being an absolute MUG!!

Anyone who puts having their nails done before paying their cleaner the going rate, let alone a much reduced one, when it enables her to work and have nice things like getting her nails done, holidays, etc., is self obsessed. Has she thought about how you get by with the cost of living increasing every day? She can clearly afford a holiday, so she can afford to pay your increased fee, in fact, she can afford to pay the going rate! If she goes to have her nails done and they increase their fee, she won't make them feel awkward for putting their price up, she'll just pay it, and smile while she's doing it, as it sounds like she's the sort of person who cares more about her image, than other people. I'm afraid she's manipulating you, and you're letting her.

As for her putting in her Will that you will take care of the cat, without even asking you, is an absolute cheek, and unless you've actually physically seen the Will, I wouldn't even believe that she's done it, as I think she's likely told you that, as it's a way of making you feel that you're important to her, without it costing her anything! If you decide to continue this relationship, I would ask her whether she's also stipulated in her Will a sum of money to go to you, in order for you to feed and care for the cat, most especially vet bills. I bet she hasn't!

In your shoes OP, I would end this relationship, she's not your friend, and she's treating you like a fool.

One of my best friends does my cleaning, and I pay her going rate which is slightly above average for our area because

a) being able to use someone I know and trust with my house keys/privacy is priceless.
b) Trying to get out of paying her fairly, and undervaluing her time, would make me a very bad friend indeed.

This woman is no friend to you. She is exploiting your goodwill and you need to stop being manipulated by her!

Find another customer to take her slot at your usual rate. Then tell her that the situation has made you think mixing friendship and business is a really bad idea and you are doing this to preserve the friendship.

I bet she disappears from your life within a month, because she's only interested in what you can do for her.

She’s a manipulative cow! Tell her your going rate and maybe offer a small discount (if you want to….personally I’d drop her).

OP, you are being massively taken for granted, used and manipulated.
She's mean, wants a cheap skivvy/cat carer and you are it.

Friends don't screw each other over.
She is not your friend.

Don't worry about her speaking badly about you, she has massively taken advantage of you.

I think you would be better off telling her that this doesn't seem to be working out for either of you anymore.

You are not doing this work as a charity.

Funny how mean people like to treat the whole subject of money as vulgar, transactional, crass, when THEY are screwing someone over and getting a great deal.

Wake up. You are too nice.
She isn't.
You are being played.

BTW - my husband is a lawyer and he says with clients will often noisily accuse others of their own misdemeanors as a kind of smokescreen. She is accusing you of being transactional because she is transactional.

You keep saying she works really hard to treat herself to nice things, why?
Do you not work really hard also to deserve nice things? Why do you seem to value her time over your own?

She is not a friend. She has piled on the emotional blackmail. You know with her holidays, nails, eating out that she is not being left on the breadline if had to pay you more. Your service is a luxury an extra that she could cut entirely if she was about to loose her home. You are not forcing her to give you money each week as part of an essential bill that would come above rent.

If she pays the £5 extra now, she will be an arse about it and things could be very awkward, so you will be working for mates rates for nothing as you are still being seen as wrong. I would drop her, say you realise you can't blur professional services with friendship as you need to work to your full rates potential as you got to put your household income 1st. You say the £5 extra is still significantly less, so assume you have been giving her around £20 discount each week. Do you have to give all your friends £20 per week to keep on their right side? She's not a friend, she is a user

Never mix business with pleasure.
id let her go as a client.
she’s manipulating you

If you don't mind me asking I am interested to know what are the different costs that you are talking about? How much do you charge her now, how much is it going up to, and what do you charge others? That would help with deciding how unreasonable she is.

Does she pay you extra to look after the cat when she is away? How much do you do?

Regardless of all these questions it sounds like she is manipulating you - crying about the costs.

She can change her will if she wants or keep you in it. That’s an entirely separate issue to the cleaning. Say your hourly rate is usually 20 and you charge her ten and do two hours a week. Over a month you are gifting her 80 quid of free labour.
over a year you are gifting her £1000 of free labour.
do you gift your closest friends and family a thousand pounds a year?? I doubt it?
why are you doing this for her??
just stop the arrangement completely at this point.
the will can be dealt with separately. Decide if you want to still have that responsibility or not, if not explain to her. You can also refuse to have the pet if she dies and the executor will rehome it.

@Boomboomi I would be slightly cheeky back and lay it on thick about how much you value your friendship and love her pet so you will continue to look after her pet but you will stop cleaning for her as you don’t want to mix business and friendship as it clearly upsets her so much.

Make it clear you are putting the friendship first as you both value it so much even though it will cause you financial hardship.

Be firm you need to earn money from the cleaning and she either pays the going rate or you find a client to replace her. If necessary lay it on thick that you can’t afford a holiday, meals out, nails done etc so need to earn more.

Last year yy 19 year old daughter was asked to look after 2 school going children for the 6 week holidays 5 days a week. Aged 7-10.

The rate was only ok but it was convenient.
On the 4th day of the first week the mum added in two other children because her friend was stuck without checking with my daughter that it was ok.

On the friday she paid her.
She left and found there was nothing extra.
She text her directly and asked her why and was told that the children were playing together and there wasn't much more involved.
I was livid, how dare she treat my daughter like that.
My daughter was very pissed off and said nope, no longer interested.

My daughter text her back, that is not acceptable, find someone else.
She blew up her phone and eventually my daughter spoke to her.
She apologised and said she didn't want to lose her as the children had loved her.

My daughter said no thanks, you were very rude and disrespectful of me in doing this and I am no longer interested. She actually started to cry as she said she would be so stuck. My daughter told her you should have thought of that before you treated me like this.

As it happens that evening her pal said there might be a spot in a local busy pub restaurant and she got a trial on the Saturday which went well.
She is still working there and loves it, paid and treated well.

On the monday the woman called again saying she was so stuck and couldn't find anyone.
My daughter told her that I have already found another job so please do not contact me again.

She learned a lot from that experience.
Some people will try and rip you off, and you need to push back firmly to stand up for yourself.

This is a very typical pattern of behaviour when what starts out as a favour, received with gratitude, becomes an obligation. It's happened to me (providing after school care) and many others. You owe this woman nothing! What benefit do you gain from being her friend? She says you expecting payment makes the friendship transactional, but that's ridiculous - it makes the friendship one sided, with you as subordinate. She's not doing you any favours is she? I would tell her that it's best she finds another cleaner, and your friendship becomes a more balanced one, based on mutual respect and enjoying each other's company.

Are her friends paying you the going rate?

Tbh putting a pet in a will is a bit odd. Usually either someone wants it or it goes into a shelter. If her child wants the cat surely they should take priority.

I'd never trust someone who randomly changes her will without discussion and then informs you of your obligations. Anyone who uses their will to guilt trip someone is not a good person.

What does she do for you as a friend? Does she ever listen or ask after you?

I'm glad you've got lots of good friends OP. What do they think about all this? It's been unanimous on here that your "frient" (I just made that up!) is a first class cheeky fucker.

I kind of can't leave the thread until you've confirmed that you have completely seen the light and are ready to dump this dreadful woman. I understand it's hard, but your self-respect is worth it.

Good luck 🤞🏻

Having a cleaner is a luxury she clearly can't afford. Your time is as valuable as hers

That is low level DARVO - Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender where the Deny is silent by getting the (false) accusation in first.

She is very naughty

she says you are friends and not transactional

why is that only true if it works in her advantage?

You could also say: ex are friends, we are not transactional, it is not about the money, she pays you above going rate but that is ok as she values your friendship so much…. but no, she only likes to put friendship above business if it is in her financial favour

this is not even a friendship it is manipulation

she is manipulating you with her tears (that she says she cried…yeah right) and the cat in the will (the cat who will likely die before either of you will)

you are being manipulated

sadly she is not a friend

would explain that I’m still giving her a discount
of X for mates rates, but your rates across the basis are going up. Of course if that means she can’t continue to employ you the you’ll of course understand and look forward to catchups regularly.
then just leave it at that

Yes I told her explicitly that

• she is still getting significant mates rates
• my need to earn money in no way means lack of care

At present she has asked me to leave it as she is on holiday- but I did send pet update - as she wants to relax . Wants to talk on return . Am left with this stream of messages and no idea of how things will be when she gets back . I want to tell her that I experienced the message s as quite extreme , and that its made things awkward in my mind , but as yet there seems to be no acknowledgment of how i may be feeling . Just leave me be after all the messages . i did say the above very clearly but was not acknowledged due to this .

My cleaner is my friend and Auntie to my offspring. I pay her top end because I look after my friends, I respect their time and I respect her professional ability. Your friend doesn't appear to respect you. Sorry.

Just tell her that as you are now friends, it is probably a good idea that you don’t clean for her. Also tell her that you also need to put a roof over your head and charge the going rate.

Never mix business and pleasure!

I see what you all saying - that i am gifting free labour .. one point she made was ‘ I thought we were family’

• i do not know how to respond to that .Would appreciate view of that?
• she seems genuinely hurt / angry - maybe am wrong .

She sounds exhausting and self absorbed. I do not believe this woman is your friend.

Honestly OP, she's just another user and you would be far better off cutting ties.

Keep those messages, screen shot them too, and if any of her friends ask what happened, hand the phone over.

If she makes any hint of speaking badly about you, say you will happily show her friends the messages.

She is 100% deliberately taking advantage of your kindness.