Can someone give me some examples of what struggling with executive functions looks like for an adult with adhd?

[Coldwetlettuce]

Not really an AIBU but would like replies! I understand executive functions to be stuff like driving, doing laundry, having a shower, making the bed. Am I right? People keep telling me I have ADHD and people with adhd struggle with executive functions (I find all this language around it annoying). Anyway, can anyone give examples of how an adult with ADHD would struggle with these ‘executive functions’?

You have been told by multiple people, multiple times, that you might have adhd?

What do you mean by that?

For me the simplest explanation is that if I have 5 things to do I will try to do them all at once, and if I have 1 thing to do I won’t do it at all.

When i've had therapy yes. It does tend to come up an awful lot.And i've had therapy for bereavement, because I had a major one a couple of years ago. Also a few years before that, when I was having issues at work and being bullied.

Quite a view of the therapists have said it over the years. Most recently, the therapist was actually a clinical psychologist.

So multiple professionals have suggested you might have adhd?

I have a dd with adhd.

so:

showers or baths about once a week when she remembers and has energy
has a whole variety of bandannas and head cloths for her hair for when she has to go out

is currently doing a load of washing because she has literally worn all (and I mean all) her clothes. They’re currently all in the spare bedroom.

bought a dress yesterday because she had actually run out yesterday but still didn’t do the wash

Is terrified of ringing people and has been known to put it off for over a year

when I picked her up from first term of uni her room was like one of those pictures of hoader houses and she said I just couldn’t start

when I picked her up from uni final time I helped her clear and we still left several bin bags of stuff and a couple of bits of furniture because they wouldn’t go in my perfectly normal sized car.

is late for everything

personal record is five hours late for a meeting

completed her first job application the other day which she did at her half brothers christening because she’d left it all until the deadline and that was midnight that day but she was also due to be speaking at the christening. Her dad parked her with her computer at the meal and body doubled her to get it done,

etc etc etc

surely the first bit of this tho is normal of a not tidy house? if you're doing the dishes and scrapping out food and the bin is full of course you stop to do the bins otherwise you can't finish scraping out the plates. you're outside doing bins so might as well grab the washing in whilst you're there rather than coming in and out. now you need somewhere to put the washing so you tidy the table by which time you're bored of housework and easily distracted so do a little bit of crafting for a reward and then absorbed. sounds perfectly normal in my house!

There are two times - now and not now
If things need to be done now - have to do them no matter what else i was doing first. if it's not now then unless i have been reminded or added to a calendar they will be forgotten

it's having alarms for everything - stop working, get kids breakfast, stop eating to start getting ready to go

it's being half an hour early otherwise i would be half an hour late

it's forgetting stuff for school unless i added it to the calendar

Constantly losing / forgetting / breaking things - mugs and plates are always chipped

No visceral sense of the passing of time at all

No intuitive understanding of what needs to be done first to make it possible to do the next thing

Waking up with no idea what day it is or what your plans are - like you’re born all over again and need to learn / invent your entire routine from scratch every day

Overwhelmed by paperwork / filling in forms

Unable to do things step-by-step (like follow a recipe) because all the information comes at you at once and won’t stay put in your mind - it’s like words and numbers are just being hurled at a wall and sliding off into a meaningless pile on the floor

I thought this was all normal until I noticed that a lot of people seemed to just know when the next half term was, or when the car was due for its MOT, or what time the dog’s vet appointment was next Thursday. People knew how much they had in their bank account at any given time, they knew when the deadlines were to apply for school places and file tax returns, they booked holidays well in advance and used air miles, and shopped around for the best deals on insurance and utilities, and generally returned library books on time, and their cars weren’t full of empty crisp packets and sweet wrappers and water bottles and crumbs and papers and sticks and crap.

And these other people were just normal people with normal lives - they weren’t geniuses or control freaks.

I have ADHD (combined type - diagnosed at 54 because the menopause was brutal to my coping mechanisms).

My executive functioning issues seem to be a 'starting a task' issue. I also get very distracted by side-quests when I am doing anything.

I'm sitting here waiting to see if my references for a new job come through - I should have started today as it's in a college setting and the school had gone back. I'm showered dressed, shoes polished etc and will go in this afternoon if the paperwork is done. I have a load of things I could be doing now to set up my day/week/month. Housework, packing things to post, restocking for my small business, a bit of tidying up in the garden. I want to do them all. I dream of doing them all and the sense of accomplishment I'd get from doing even one task. Instead I've been sitting here for 2 hours refreshing my emails, browsing mumsnet and playing a game on my phone.

I'm in 'wait mode'. I get nothing done in wait mode. I get nothing done a lot. Then I go into panic mode because a task becomes so urgent that I have to move NOW.

I'm already having a go at myself for the wasted time. And I'm not being lazy, lazy would be fun, lazy would be relaxing. This is stressful and the stress makes it even harder to move. It's exhausting.

This is me!
Endless "To Do Lists". I wake up every morning promising myself that today will be the day that I get the stuff done and exactly the same thing happens. Nothing gets completed and I have somehow added extra to the list 😤

I'm the same in work (own business), I know I have a shit load to get done, I know that deadlines are approaching and I will still get distracted by something that isn't urgent. Then I don't sleep because I'm in a panic that the deadline is almost here, promise myself that I will get it done 1st thing tomorrow, and then repeat daily until a day or 2 before the deadline. Then something clicks in my head and I blast absolutely everything. 2 weeks work done in 2 days! I then say to myself "that was a close call, I'm not putting myself through that stress again" only for the entire cycle to start again. 🤣

I honestly don't know how my DP puts up with me as we work together too so he has no escape.

This post really resonated with me- especially the last bit about doing things haphazardly is better than paralysis....so true for me! I'm diagnosed Audhd and find trying to do tasks 'in order' almost impossible. I've found that doing the first thing I see leads to the next thing etc etc...there isn't a logical order NTs can follow and yes, sometimes I can look back and see the 'oops, I didn't finish that' tasks, but something is better than nothing!
One thing I have found incredibly useful is ensuring that for a regular task, like showering, everything thats needed is out and clearly there. In our bathroom we have a trolley that houses all our products, means that noone is having to look in cupboards for stuff....because if I can't see it, it simply doesnt exist! We are a 100% ND household and I know we have areas that work for us that would drive NTs insane....doom piles in every room but we know what's in them! My 15 year old is also Audhd so we basically lurch from one situation to the next frankly!
We play to our strengths....my DD leans more towards ASD so she is better at certain tasks whereas I'm probably more Adhd leaning so use those strengths. Yes, managing to create a routine is difficult and usually not successful on the first attempt but we've now got to the point where we have some structure (soothes our ASD part of our brains) and we try and stick to the pattern as much as possible, eg:
Shower everyday- everything in trolley
Dusting on Tuesday- use cleaning stuff in basket in kitchen
Food shop on Wed - use list for what we need. Same items purchase every week, obviously 😄
Monthly trip to Home Bargains to stock up on deodorant, shampoo etc etc
Washing every other day Mon, Wed, Fri - use washing tablets etc from basket on kitchen side
It works, on the whole but obviously we have days that simply dont! Holiday's are hard for us as the routine is disrupted and then we are great at self sabotaging and getting engrossed in our latest hyperfocus.
I'm nearly 49 and was a late diagnosis but I'm finally feeling like I might have this adulting thing down....spent my 20s and most of my 30s absolutely free-wheeling it which involved numerous disasters and I'm trying incredibly hard to support my DD so she doesn't have to go through the same x

Executive functioning is more than just being about tasks, there are so many other things things the brain controls. I was diagnosed with ADHD several years ago in my 30s. I just thought (as did everyone else) that I was simply a useless, failure of a person who wasn't able to do things and behave the way people are expected to.
I have done so many stupid things over my life, sometimes the same stupid thing several times over, because I have very little impulse control - executive dysfunction.

I get incredibly emotional over silly things and make an absolute tit of myself or get overly dramatic about a small change to my plans because I struggle to regulate my emotions - executive dysfunction.

I have hardly any working memory. I'll have to stop in the middle of a sentence because I have no idea what the topic of conversation is anymore, I forget what I said we were having for dinner 4 minutes ago, and this can happen several times. But I can tell you all about the layout of a flat my family lived in when I was 2, a dream I had when I was 6, the full names and seating arrangements of all my colleagues from a job I haven't been in for 13 years- executive dysfunction.

I was unpacking after a holiday and DP came in and asked me to help him with something straight away. I couldn't do it. I cannot switch tasks without preparation - executive dysfunction.

I can see the kitchen needs cleaning. It is a mess. There are no clean plates. The time is 10:03. I cannot start at 10:03, I will start at 10:15. 10:15 then feels too soon. I will start at 10:30. I check the time, and it is 10:33. I can't start now, I'll have to wait until 10:45. At 10:45 I become paralysed and can't move. Maybe at 11:00. 11:00 - still can't move. Tell myself that 15 minute increments is ridiculous. 12:00 is a perfectly good time. 12:00 - nope.. 12:30 - I develop a burning desire to remove the radiator cover and clean down the back of it with my new crevice cleaners... 13:30 - no point doing it now, maybe I should have lunch. Can't have lunch as it means I'll have to tidy the kitchen first... And this will go on and on. Executive dysfunction.

I personally love the language around it because I hope it might show people that it is an actual neurological disorder. I'm not lazy, I'm not scatty, I'm not stupid, I'm not making excuses - my brain is just not wired the same way. Even medicated, my ADHD is still crippling, and it affects every single area of my life.

I put food on, forget about it and walk away... only remember when I smell burning.

Constantly lose my phone, keys, cup of coffee, water bottle.

I'm in financial shambles.

My house is an absolute state and I'm too paralyzed to do anything about it.

Unless you are unable to read my previous post, then I believe that's what I said, why did you need clarification and to ask me again?

For all the difference, it would make a diagnosis. I don't want to wear that badge. I've been just fine in life. I'm in a top profession. I've done really well for myself not withstanding my problems with organisation of tasks.And prioritising among other things. Could you just be im scatty? I have an issue with the attempt to pathologise things that could just be a normal personality variant. I don't mean that about somebody who genuinely has difficulty functioning.But i'm not at that end of the spectrum.If I even have it.

What possible difference would it make to my life.

Adult DS has recently been diagnosed, and the executive function issues that prompted him to get tested were things like major procrastination, lack of self-care, seeming inability to do cleaning and laundry, keeping on top of medications, making social arrangements, keeping on top of uni work. With a bit of probing, it turned out he could do very clearly defined tasks, like complicated maths problems, but struggled immensely with open ended tasks, like essays and artwork. So I think it hinged on making choices, and an underlying anxiety which got worse as time progressed.
He has recently been prescribed medication and it has made a huge difference.

I forgot to hang the wet washing out for 2 days so I had to wash it all over again.

I forgot 3 days in a row to bring my office keys to work so had to wait outside for someone else to arrive.

I am in the middle of 6 different tasks at work and haven't finished any.

I didn't look up my passport number so I could countersign a friend's passport application. I just forgot about it. So many times she's getting really irritated with me. I'm avoiding her today.

I'm late for meetings, both work and personal, all the time. I try really hard to be on time buy I'm always late. Apart from the odd time I'm 45 minutes early because I've been trying so hard to be on time.

I'm regularly at work with wet hair because I underestimate how long it will take to have a shower, get dried, get dressed, dry my hair. Even though I do these things every day.

Luckily most people I spend time with and work with don't mind. If I worked in a different place arriving late with wet hair and no keys would be a real problem.

I didn't pay a parking ticket on time because the tought of finding the ticket, logging on to some online thing, finding my credit card, typing in the number, was just too hard.

I'd suggest finding a reputable site and looking down the suggested list of potentail problems.

Lots here and in my family I'd consider normal and have statergies to cope with - but apparently it's not normal in general population was told that by assesor who ruled out ASD for DD1. ADHD does seem to be rife in our families and our kids once they move out from home support do seem to really struggle having mangaged while under our roof.

But why wouldn’t you explore this if multiple professionals have suggested this multiple times. There is a benefit. For a start… you could start on medication.

Do you live with anyone or live alone @PleaseDontAsk ? Have friends / family ever suggested this to you or just professionals?

You sound exactly like me! The struggle is real.

Because i'm in a top profession and i've got this far.And it doesn't have a significant impact on my ability to function.

What possible difference would it make?

I don't want the medication offered for it because it causes sleep issues, etc

So many adults I know getting a diagnosis for autism.And a d h d and I think what's it going to change
A previous poster has described her son having difficulty staying on top of his chores and personal hygiene.I am not like that and never have been.

I find it very difficult to focus on things.But I managed to get through it or I wouldn't have made it as far in my career as I have done.

If I got a formal adhd diagnosis, I would just shrug, and carry on as normal.

Other things I do find difficult.I'm not sure if its neurodiversity or if it's a product of me also having come from a very abusive family background. I seek therapy for the things I find difficult.Why would I seek an adhd diagnosis, when it's not going to change anything.

I live alone and some friends and my partner have suggested I might be neurodiverse but ONLY when i disclosed certain things that would point to neurodiversity. It is not apparent in my general daily behaviour and I am not struggling to cope with life.

It hasn’t hampered you professionally as far as you know but life isn’t all about work.

Anyway you have decided not to. But multiple professionals (so you’ve sought therapy and psychiatry?) and family / friends have suggested this - presumably with your best interests at heart, so might be worth a shot. But you sound adamant not to so 🤷‍♀️

Would you like to have children one day? Would you also avoid them having an assessment if school and other suggested they might have adhd?

Shucks don't think the thread went the way OP might've liked. Hopefully they have learned a lot though. 👍🏼

If they do have adhd, they may not even have returned to read the responses after posting!

We used to live in a rural village where the nearest supermarket is 30 min drive away. I remember one Xmas Eve DH driving to sainsburys to get ingredients for cauliflower cheese for Xmas day as it’s his favourite. He returned home with a cabbage instead of a cauliflower as he wasn’t paying attention. He was really pissed off with himself so got straight back in the car to sainsburys. Another hour and a bit goes by and he comes home. He bought nuts , some other festive bits that were on offer… but forgot to get the cauliflower. The only reason he was going there in the first place. So he drove back a third time.

In total the whole thing took about 4 hours to get a cauliflower. And that is an example of his executive functioning.

he’s extremely intelligent and can really hyper focus. Incredibly calm and controlled in an emergency (he’s an anaethetist so works in theatre, ITU, resus etc). I met him at work and my memories of him were being extremely diligent and always leaving work late - he compensates for his ADHD by repeatedly checking his work, repeatedly checking patient notes, repeatedly checking results etc.