To be worried about my five year old on a day trip without me?

[esrlymorningdark]

Next week, ds was going to spend a few hours at a friends house because I’m at work. DH can WFH that day so in my mind, DS would spend a couple of hours playing with his friend in the morning, home maybe for or just after lunch, and then DH could put a film on or he would play himself here and then I’d probably be home around 330.

However, my friend has told me she plans on taking the boys on a day out which is a really lovely thought and I understand why. My worry is that it’s a good hour away and if ds is upset or missing us then there’s not anything we can really do. The other worry is that DS’s behaviour has been a bit tricky these past few weeks. He’s had a spate of ear infections and has barely got over one before the next and he is actually having grommets fitted in early October so hopefully not long to go. I am mindful though that he has been very argumentative and peevish lately and in all honesty his friend has a similar temperament and on occasion they can bring out the absolute worst in one another and I don’t want to inflict that on my friend!

So - AIBU? DH can take the day off so no issue there.

It’s your friends decision! Kids are usually much better with other adults. Im surprised it’s a big thing for him / you - mine isnt even 2 and shes had quite a few day trips from nursery already.

If this day out isn't right for him, you're allowed to say 'really sorry but we don't think he's well enough for a day trip what with all his recent infections. He's wiped out'

Don't second guess all your reactions. You've listed three good reasons why this isn't right for him at this time - his health, his behaviour, their interactions.

It absolutely is not the other parent's decision - they invite, and invitations can be politely declined.

When my kids were 5, I took them and their friends out without a second thought. My friends did the same with my kids.
Presumably if they get distressed or peevish, your friend brings them home.

If he’s well in terms of ear infections you don’t need to worry about that. I would chat to your friend about your concerns but aim for him to go as it will be a good opportunity for him in terms of doing something a bit more out of his comfort zone. But if your friend knows some potential areas of difficulty then she can be prepared. And send him with lots of snacks, 2 sets of each (or how ever many kids in total). Similarly if you know where they’re going you can show him some pictures and talk about what to do in different situations.

@Peonies12 he’s had school trips but that is a little bit different: he knows the teachers well and school and nursery is a very different environment to being with your friend and his parents.

@concertinacornflake i agree; I was surprised by that line. I assume the meaning was that it she’s happy to do it that’s fine, but she may not quite realise what it entails!

@SpanThatWorld she can’t really bring him home if it’s an hour away and his friend is happy, that’s kind of my worry. If he’s utterly beside himself then yes but that’s unlikely to happen.

This is a good response but if you said this to me I would ask you to keep him at home. If he’s not up to a day out with a relatively short car drive I’d assume he’s not up to a day playing at my house tbh and it’s hard keeping kids entertained all day at home

@nellly i don’t think I said that? He’s more than used to the car drive, it isn’t the drive as such I’m worried about.

If they were somewhere local and he was struggling one of us could nip out and get him. If he’s an hour away we can’t really do that.

I have a 7yo and a 5yo and have regularly taken my best friend's children of the same age out on day trips since they were much younger, and vice versa. Not every day has been perfect and I've experienced behaviours from all of them at different points but it is a day, I am a capable guardian and we have had no major issues over the years. My and her DS have a tendency to wind each other up at times and can bring out the worst in each other however as others have said, children are generally better for other adults so he will listen to me - I also find they are better when we are out rather than playing at home as it eliminates any sharing dramas. My friend and I have similar parenting styles and we trust each other to treat our children appropriately. The kids always have a great day together. I think as long as you trust your friend, one day out shouldn't be a major issue.

It isn’t that I don’t trust her, but she isn’t used to having two and ds has been challenging of late and I don’t want him to potentially spoil an expensive day. (It is costly as well, which I could also do without if I’m honest.)

I can definitely see why she’d want to take them out. I can also see why you’re worried about it. I think just say that he isn’t up for a long day out just now and keep him home. And say this soon so they can find another friend to come along.

I highly doubt he’d miss you on a fun day out with his friend but can see that his current health issues make things a bit trickier.

But it is your friends decision if she feels that taking them both will be manageable and a good idea. There is nothing 'surprising' about that.

If you don't feel it is suitable then of course decline, but that should be for the whole day.

He’ll be fine.

I think you're over thinking this. Let him go. The other parent will look after him. I've taken various children out and never needed to call a parent. You deal with the child in the moment. Have you ever been called because he's inconsolable before?

Whose friend is it, yours or your DCs? If it was my friend that I’d asked to look after my child then I think id mostly be happy for them to spend the day as they wanted. When I used to swap childcare with other friends we would nearly always go out for the day. It’s much easier entertaining kids somewhere new and exciting.

If it’s DCs friend and they asked for a play date, I’d expect to be asked about taking them out for the day rather than told that’s what was happening after asking for a play date which I’d assume was at their house unless told otherwise.

Overall, I think you are overreacting. I’m sure she knows what taking two 5 year olds out entails. What makes you think your child would be distraught? I’d work on that, what happens if you get poorly and they had to go elsewhere for a couple of days etc.

How can your dh be expected to work from home with a 5 year old to look after? 🤔

He will be fine, he will probably have fun.

No need to overthink. You’ll be worrying and staring at your phone all day so won’t get any work done anyway!

“l’m so sorry Brenda, young Fred has got yet another infection/cold etc so he won’t be able to come. Hope you and Tarquin have a lovely time.”

Everyone happy. 😊

This.
A school kid dhould be able to cope with a day out with a friend! He's 5, not 2. Are you generally a worrier?

The original plan was DS would be at his friends maybe 9-12. DH could then take lunch 12-1. Then I’d be home at 330. I realise this may not be true of every five year old but I promise, DS is able to entertain himself for a couple of hours, even if it does involve a lot of some TV.

If he has him for the whole day he’d probably take the day off.

I wouldn’t say so. But I am worried about the combination of the distance and the fact he’s not 100%.

Goodness me . I was always taking extras on our days out when my lot were that age .I cannot remember any issues . I hope your son has a great day out.

Hi OP, I would not have allowed mine to go out with a friend at 5 no. My child had no sense of danger at that age and was very impulsive so absolutely not. I say trust your gut.

They are going an hour away. You are talking like she wants to take him abroad. I think you are totally over thinking this.

An hour away really isn’t that far. I think you’re over thinking it.

He will be fine

she probably thinks it will be easier to entertain the boys out rather than have them bouncing around inside

let him go.