To be worried about my five year old on a day trip without me?

[esrlymorningdark]

Next week, ds was going to spend a few hours at a friends house because I’m at work. DH can WFH that day so in my mind, DS would spend a couple of hours playing with his friend in the morning, home maybe for or just after lunch, and then DH could put a film on or he would play himself here and then I’d probably be home around 330.

However, my friend has told me she plans on taking the boys on a day out which is a really lovely thought and I understand why. My worry is that it’s a good hour away and if ds is upset or missing us then there’s not anything we can really do. The other worry is that DS’s behaviour has been a bit tricky these past few weeks. He’s had a spate of ear infections and has barely got over one before the next and he is actually having grommets fitted in early October so hopefully not long to go. I am mindful though that he has been very argumentative and peevish lately and in all honesty his friend has a similar temperament and on occasion they can bring out the absolute worst in one another and I don’t want to inflict that on my friend!

So - AIBU? DH can take the day off so no issue there.

A lot of the time the absolute best thing for him is to be out in the fresh air. Open spaces where he can run and climb are great. Enclosed spaces with loud noises and poor acoustics aren’t @dairydebris

I think it’s normal to be a bit worried, but I think it would do DS good to go. Children behave (usually!) much better for other adults. Apparently mine are absolute angels and so polite and helpful in cleaning up etc when at school or at friends houses, did query if they’d got the right child 🤣
Perhaps pre-warn your friend but out of earshot of DS. If he senses you’re worried or anxious, he’ll pick up on it. Be excited with him about it, and set firm expectations regarding behaviour.
He’s only 5 so I don’t want to be heavy on the ‘building resilience’ message but this sounds like a safe space for him to do

That’s kind of strange though. Why is it her decision where someone else child goes? The plan was for ds to stay at the friend’s house.

Wait until he finds out from his friend that they had a fun day out but his mum said no....

And in my workplace we are not allowed to childcare alongside 'working from home' as it often ends up neglecting both. Your child is realistically looking at an entire day watching TV

Is there a reasonable chance that he will be better by next Monday? It might be better to review the situation around Thursday.

Tell her not to take him?

If he isn't well enough for a day out, he isn't well enough for a three hour play at someone else's house imo.

If you think he's well enough for the germ pool of year one later this week/next Monday, then he's well enough for a day out.

Mine had gromments much earlier due to intractible ear infections. They were completely life changing for them in the best possible way.

I'd send him for the day out and pack a bottle of calpol in case with a frank chat to your friend. I'd consider keeping him at home 7/10 days pre grommet to try to keep him infection free for the op. He'll have far less time off this term if he has it swiftly.

Ear infections are miserable. Mine both turned into much happier children once they were grommetted. Good Luck.

But the point is the person you need to be having this discussion with is the other parent. None of us know your five year old or can give anything more than generic advice for five year olds.

Pick up the phone, talk to her, tell her he is a bit out of sorts at the moment due to recurrent ear infections and also has trouble with soft play acoustics. Suggest something less expensive locally and offer to cover lunch or DH can take the day off.

21 year old teachers who have no children of their own can take 30 kids on a trip, I'm sure another parent can take two. It's usually easier having a friend on day trips anyway.

Well the drip feed of him having hearing loss and struggling specifically in soft play would have been something I’d start with. I would want to know that as the other mum! It really sounds like your son needs to be home so just have your husband take off and spend time with him. I don’t think he should go on a play date ‘or’ a day trip in this situation.

So what if the day out isn't perfect and he's a bit grumpy or sulky. His friend will just get on with it and DS will sit with the mum and gave a drink or snack and do what he feels up to doing. So he might be encouraged out his comfort zone a bit, is that so bad.

Obviously if he's actually ill, keep him home, but otherwise you are being over the top. We can't curate our children's lives so every experience is perfect, this sounds like an 80% day at worst, still fun memories, still learning to be around another family, seeing new things that you don't like taking him to. The stuff about working each other up in the car sounds slightly silly to anyone with more than one child (isn't that normal)!!

They are set on going: she’s booked tickets, otherwise this would be good. No intentional drip feed; I did include his current issues in the OP but obviously more detail gets included as the conversation unfurls.

If she's already booked the tickets then I would let him go.

If he’s anything like DD, he’ll be an angel child for other people.

People constantly tell me how well behaved and polite DD is and while we do see that side of her, she is definitely miles better with people who aren’t her parents!

Dress him in bright colours so she can keep
am eye on him and give him a keyring with the friends number and yours if he gets lost

There is an episode of Kevin the teenager when they are both so polite to the friends parents and horrible horrors to their own!

I think he would be if it wasn’t for this particular friend: they really don’t bring out the best in one another at the moment but also gravitate to one another! It used to be a much more positive friendship but it’s soured lately; they still get on but there’s a lot of rivalry and oneupmanship, a lot of one declaring they don’t want to do something and then the other not wanting to do it either. So I can see it ending badly.

I love that episode; it’s so true. It’s also weirdly true with other people’s children, so much easier to be patient and kind to them and then I find myself snapping at my own kids!

I think it would be worse in the house in this situation which is probably why the mum is bringing them out. 1:1 will create way more time to argue, there will be loads of distractions at soft play. As she’s bought the tickets now it’s really awkward to cancel - obviously you’ll pay her back but her son probably wouldn’t go on his own.

I bet he’d be absolutely fine and I think it’s unusual you wouldn’t want him to go, unless mum is totally ineffective.

But he’s your child so you can to decide where he goes and with whom.

If you don't want him to go, you can just say no thank you.

But I don't think that's reasonable. In my experience, my kids and their friends have been dreamy when together and the dynamics are very positive. They want to have a good time with their friend. Their focus is on whatever fun activity or experience they're having and jokes and chats with their buddy. It's different with siblings.

One of my son's best mates was fab with us in the day but would want to go home if it was a sleepover. I've never ever ever had a friend of a child miss their parent during a day with me. Same with nephews.

If he's unwell and has earache, that's enough of a reason to say he can't go. But I think the potential for a 5 year old to miss you is waaaay lower than you think. A 2 year old? Very different. At 5 they're used to days away from your presence, and this sounds like it's likely to be a fun day out and a real treat for him and his little mate.

Bless you, I bet your ears hurt after reading all of this too 🫣

Just keep him home. Soft play would clearly be too much - it’s loud and echoey at the best of times. There will be other opportunities but it’s not worth the risk right now.

I’m probably more wary than most as a SEN parent with a child who struggles with noise - I did wonder whether your little one’s struggles were all related to the infections etc but I’m guessing that any consideration of SEN / sensory processing disorder etc has been factored into the mix when he’s been to the doctors / specialists. Needless to say, I hope all goes well with the grommets and he has a good day with dad ❤️

It's one of those things that you won't know what will happen until it happens. Personally I would ask your son if he fancies this day trip and if it's a yes, get him ready for it, talk about it and how much fun they will have. That should help with confidence of being without mum.

If you don't want him to go because he's not well and playing up then well, tbh, it's probably best he doesn't go to your friends at all. I should imagine though that your child will be too busy having fun on their day out to be argumentative and quite often children act better with other adults.

You’re over thinking this and sound like a bit of a fruit loop

Just give your friend the heads up on his ears and let him benefit from a day out.