Got into an argument and got reported to the police... what do you think?

[FairyonaFrog]

This happened last week and it has been on my mind. I would like some feedback as I'm too embarrassed to discuss it with family and friends.

I was driving to a smallish, local town for some shopping. I wanted to park in a side road that has limited access and I was looking for the way in. I got confused looking for the entry way and ended up committed a traffic offense in which I mounted and crossed the pavement (I could go into more detail on this, but it's a bit complicated to explain the exact layout of the road). I immediately realised my mistake and drove off the other side. No one was involved, no pedestrians, no other cars, but it was a stupid mistake and I felt a bit shaken afterwards.

A couple of minutes later, I was buying a parking ticket at the machine, and I was approached by a random bloke, who asked me, quite forcefully "was that just you, in that blue car, who drove across the pavement?". I was a bit taken aback, but answered honestly - I said, yes it was me, I made a stupid mistake, I was confused by the road layout.

As I walked back to my car, he followed me and continued to go on. He said "that could have been really dangerous", I said yes, sorry, repeated I had made a mistake, and explained again that I had been confused, and that I wasn't from the town and didn't visit often so was unfamiliar with the road layout. He then said "it's lucky no-one was injured", and I said that there was no-one there (I'm starting to get pretty irritated at this point). He then kept saying "I've never seen anything like it, it's the most unbelievable thing I've ever seen in my life". By now I'm really pissed off with him, and suggest that if that's the case maybe he should get a f*ing life (I'm not proud of myself). We then shortly arrived at my car, at which point he said "Well, you should be more careful", and I said as a parting shot (really cross now) "Well you should be more careful or you'll get punched in the face". (Double meaning here - that's how he was making me feel, but also, if he goes around accosting people like this, it's likely to happen in the future). At this point he walked off, possibly smirking.

I should also add that my elderly mum was in the car, waiting for me in the passenger seat and she told me afterwards that he had approached her and demanded if she was driving, before finding me at the parking machine.

Anyway, I drove home home later, pretty upset about the whole thing and fully aware that it wasn't my finest hour. About 2 hours later there's a ring on my doorbell and it's the police. The guy has reported me for threatening him. I think he must have given them the car registration and I got the impression a police car went past my house later and saw my car on the drive!

I was, of course, horrified. I told the police the whole story as above, and they listened, and were actually sympathetic to me (or seemed to be), and told me they would be taking things no further and closing the report down. They even seemed to agree that the guy is, in fact, inviting trouble by approaching people like this. I wonder if he is already known to them for being a constant complainer.

I can't believe it though. I feel now that I was deliberately goaded. I mean, what did he expect by harassing a stranger - if he was that worried about my driving he should have gone straight to the police. What was he hoping to achieve?

I also feel really ashamed of myself for losing my temper and rising to him (I'm actively trying to get less irritated with people in day to day life), and I feel pretty stupid for making the driving mistake in the first place.

I'd just be really interested to hear what people think about this situation. Was I out of order or was he?

He sounds like a right interfering arsehole and I’d have happily told him to Fuck off if he’d bothered me.

I’d also be asking the police if they thought this random eejit would happily harangue a 6ft bloke or did he deliberately choose a woman after harassing her elderly passenger first?

I think you were both being U.

I’ve had similar things in the past and find taking a deliberate attempt to be oh-so-calm and reasonable but dismissing them even when they’re being utter twats helps. Practise some stock phrases at home which you can use. I’ve said “of course you think a crime has been committed here
you’ve every right to take this further”, or “I think this conversation’s gone as far as it will, let’s both get on with our day” or something like that. You don’t want to get goaded into saying something silly.

I’ve also asked for people’s names, and used the millennial “I am no longer comfortable with this situation”
when necessary, whilst walking off!

I accept the risk is low of women being a threat to men but they definitely can be in certain circumstances. To think a woman can’t be any kind of threat to a man is naive.

Like you said it wasn't your finest hour

You told him you made a mistake he shouldn't have followed you

Talk about wasting police time

He was being a threat first by following her to her car and harassing her elderly mother.

Most people would of told him to fuck off. You told him of your remorse and he should have left it at that, he was a prat.

shared in Jaywick xx

I bet he would never dare approach a man in that way.

They can be, I've seen it, a few times.

Some can hold their own very well.

I have worked in some interesting places with some interesting people!

You were both out of order. He had no reason to keep pushing it once you’d explained and it was clear you knew you’d made a mistake and weren’t driving under the influence.

But we can’t live in a country where people threaten to punch other people in the face when their bad behaviour or mistakes are challenged.

I think given your threat he perhaps assumed there was more to it or you may have been driving without insurance etc and reported it to the police to make sure there was nothing bigger going on.

You made a mistake (we all do). Fault on both sides. You apologised and that should have been the end of it. He should have accepted your apology and easier said than done, but you shouldn’t gave threatened him. I’d just park it and move on.

In equal parts you both behaved like twats.

Well, if that was the most unbelievable thing he’d ever seen then he clearly doesn’t get out a lot….. he sounds like an insignificant pompous twit and you’ll have forgotten all it by this time next week .

Wouldn't you call the Police if someone threatened you like that?

You know none of it is to your credit already. That said, in your position I would have had to choke down a lot of 'who the fuck do you think you are to tell me off like that, you pompous piece of shit'. He probably expected a more meek response from you, and in reality decided to report you for having the nerve to give him backchat. He never felt threatened by you.

Following a woman round when she dont want it is sexual harassment, she should av reported it to the police and got the man arrested. They're is no excuse in this day and age to be behaving like that.

I am not surprised you snapped @FairyonaFrog - you had admitted what you had done, apologised, no-one was hurt so what ifs or could haves are irrelevant, what else did he expect from you? Abase yourself in front of him? Don a hair shirt and chant Mea Culpa?

There was no need for him to go on and on and on and on it didn't and couldn't change what had happened it does not invoke time travel and the chance to not do what you did.

He was an arrogant arse determined to wind you up and unfortunately you bit, if there's a next time just say nothing after you have apoligised, ignore him and leave him to his chuntering.

The "do gooders" on here will side with the absolute plonker of a man because that just seems to be Mumsnet way.

Meanwhile in the real world you have done nothing wrong and even a saint would have snapped at the idiot and threatened to strangle him with their halo if he didn't do one. Nobody would stand for the level of harassment you have just described.

Quite possibly. Would they have threatened him with getting punched? I think that's what took it over the line, not swearing.

Also, how is he to know whether you're some psychowho's going to send someone after him or not?

Well the way he can ensure he doesn’t invoke a psycho that will send people after him, is to not follow and harass women.

Yes, most people would have been getting annoyed at being hounded.

He obviously wasn't that worried to keep following her, I bet if it was a 6ft tall man he wouldn't have had the balls.

YABU

It seems overkill to report to the police but you were completely in the wrong.

This thread would be so different if it was a couple of 19yo boys driving on the pavement or if a man threatened to punch a woman in the face.

I’ve got the rage on your behalf OP.

Yes you made a stupid mistake. That’s just that. A stupid mistake. Everyone makes mistakes and had there been a pedestrian there you clearly wouldn’t have continued!

But his behaviour reminds me so much of my ex I’m seeing red. That’s exactly what he would do. He’d go on and on berating me and even if I said sorry (which I often did despite not really needing to) he’d go on. I could sit there subdued and in tears and he’d carry on and mock me and tell my tears were manipulative. And then if I got angry. If I said anything out of order - the smirk. I know it so well. That ‘gotcha’ face. Grrrrr

Utter wanker!!

May be try and look at the positives;

1. no one was hurt.
2. you’ll never make that mistake again.
3. the police were proportionate and sensible
4. that man probably has very unsatisfactory relationships and is angering himself towards a heart attack.
5. you are not married to him! Whoop. He’s someone else’s problem.

have a cuppa and chalk it up to experience. A tale to tell

Absolutely. My ex only ever behaved that way towards his ex, me, our child and his mum - once. He was a bit like it with three different female leads who didn’t listen to him properly. But NEVER a man!

It’s not that unbelievable. I had a package stolen off my drive the other week, within 2 hours police were knocking on doors on the street asking for CCTV. I was astounded by the response. I don’t think they found the guy and I didn’t get the parcel back, but the police were very responsive in at least giving the illusion of trying to do something.