Got into an argument and got reported to the police... what do you think?

[FairyonaFrog]

This happened last week and it has been on my mind. I would like some feedback as I'm too embarrassed to discuss it with family and friends.

I was driving to a smallish, local town for some shopping. I wanted to park in a side road that has limited access and I was looking for the way in. I got confused looking for the entry way and ended up committed a traffic offense in which I mounted and crossed the pavement (I could go into more detail on this, but it's a bit complicated to explain the exact layout of the road). I immediately realised my mistake and drove off the other side. No one was involved, no pedestrians, no other cars, but it was a stupid mistake and I felt a bit shaken afterwards.

A couple of minutes later, I was buying a parking ticket at the machine, and I was approached by a random bloke, who asked me, quite forcefully "was that just you, in that blue car, who drove across the pavement?". I was a bit taken aback, but answered honestly - I said, yes it was me, I made a stupid mistake, I was confused by the road layout.

As I walked back to my car, he followed me and continued to go on. He said "that could have been really dangerous", I said yes, sorry, repeated I had made a mistake, and explained again that I had been confused, and that I wasn't from the town and didn't visit often so was unfamiliar with the road layout. He then said "it's lucky no-one was injured", and I said that there was no-one there (I'm starting to get pretty irritated at this point). He then kept saying "I've never seen anything like it, it's the most unbelievable thing I've ever seen in my life". By now I'm really pissed off with him, and suggest that if that's the case maybe he should get a f*ing life (I'm not proud of myself). We then shortly arrived at my car, at which point he said "Well, you should be more careful", and I said as a parting shot (really cross now) "Well you should be more careful or you'll get punched in the face". (Double meaning here - that's how he was making me feel, but also, if he goes around accosting people like this, it's likely to happen in the future). At this point he walked off, possibly smirking.

I should also add that my elderly mum was in the car, waiting for me in the passenger seat and she told me afterwards that he had approached her and demanded if she was driving, before finding me at the parking machine.

Anyway, I drove home home later, pretty upset about the whole thing and fully aware that it wasn't my finest hour. About 2 hours later there's a ring on my doorbell and it's the police. The guy has reported me for threatening him. I think he must have given them the car registration and I got the impression a police car went past my house later and saw my car on the drive!

I was, of course, horrified. I told the police the whole story as above, and they listened, and were actually sympathetic to me (or seemed to be), and told me they would be taking things no further and closing the report down. They even seemed to agree that the guy is, in fact, inviting trouble by approaching people like this. I wonder if he is already known to them for being a constant complainer.

I can't believe it though. I feel now that I was deliberately goaded. I mean, what did he expect by harassing a stranger - if he was that worried about my driving he should have gone straight to the police. What was he hoping to achieve?

I also feel really ashamed of myself for losing my temper and rising to him (I'm actively trying to get less irritated with people in day to day life), and I feel pretty stupid for making the driving mistake in the first place.

I'd just be really interested to hear what people think about this situation. Was I out of order or was he?

I've never made a physical threat to anyone. These types of people/bullies are best dealt with by not rising to them

That's not the point is it? Why is it nowadays that people can do anything they like, then say it was a mistake, they are mortified etc so must be forgiven? Imagine if your small child was on that pavement? Some people should not be driving.

I think you were more in the wrong than he was, tbh. If you drove over a pavement because you couldn't figure out how to access the road, I don't think you should be surprised to be challenged about your poor driving. And yes, he should have made his point and then let it go rather than goading you, but you absolutely shouldn't have made the comment about him getting punched.

You were fucking out of order. OK, he was going on, but you made a huge error, which could have been terrible. You should've just sucked it up. I suspect he was going on because you didn't sound very contrite in your responses.

Have you not read the op and how she’s feeling about it ie mortified, sorry, upset etc. talk about sticking the boot in.

Of course she's going to say that here and now - she's been visited by the police and wants people here to leap to her defence.

The guy was a dick for reporting you, but that doesn't make you any less in the wrong.

What's uo with all the "i am a bad driver but it's actually everyone else who is wrong" threads?

And tbh op, i would have looked him dead in the eyes and lied instead of answering honestly. There is a time and a place for lying, and as a woman, lying to get rid of Random Officious Man is absolutely one of them.

You both were. You for mounting the pavement with your vehicle (unacceptable regardless of the road layout) and then threatening him. He was unreasonable for harassing you. Neither of you covered yourselves in glory.

The op asked for opinions on who was out of order. Giving an opinion that someone asked for isn't exactly sticking the boot in.

And @RogueFemale how on earth do you know the op is a harmless middle aged female who was no threat to the man? We don't know her age in relation to his or their size relative to each other.

Thank you for the supportive posts. I do agree that he probably wouldn't have approached me if I was a man.

I also agree with the people saying I shouldn't have sworn or spoken threateningly (for what it's worth, I think it was obvious I wasn't actually going to hit him, they were words spoken in anger, we were already parting ways as I had arrived back at my car).

Just to clarify a couple of things - I wasn't moving towards him or making threatening actions, I was walking away. I do feel in hindsight that he was trying to make me say something like that, so that he could go and report me.

I do also know that I should not have driven on the pavement. It was not deliberate, I drove up what I thought was an access way, and immediately realised I should not have, but I had to carry on as it would have been more dangerous to reverse back into the road. But it was a really stupid mistake, I know that, and I agree that I was already feeling upset and probably defensive about it when he approached me.

Well driving across a pavement is potentially dangerous and illegal. Pavements are designed to support cars which is why they are reinforced making drop kerbs are expensive..

You were verbally abusive and physically threatened someone so on Mumsnet that usually results in " when someone shows who they are, believe them"

You were very unreasonable!

I have to agree with this. It's useful to hear these honest opinions

I absolutely agree with this. I wish I had done that.

Unless you're a woman, then it's perfectly acceptable to make threats to people, apparently!

I suspect he was going on because you didn't sound very contrite in your responses.
Since when do women owe random men apologies? We don’t and the more random men realise that, the better.

Exactly how many times should the OP have admitted her mistake and apologised before the man should have left her alone? He didn’t just “point it out”. He followed her, spoke to her, then kept following her back to her car even after she admitted her mistake. So in your opinion, for how long should the OP have stood there while this man kept repeating himself about a situation that, while unfortunate, caused absolutely no issues to anybody.

OP: he was just another workaday misogynist, and if anything like that happens again (where a strange man keeps following you), tell him you will call the police if he doesn’t stop harassing you, and call the police if he doesn’t leave you alone.

Agreed. He shouldn’t have gone on and on, but you were worse, OP.

I said as a parting shot (really cross now) "Well you should be more careful or you'll get punched in the face". (Double meaning here - that's how he was making me feel, but also, if he goes around accosting people like this, it's likely to happen in the future). At this point he walked off, possibly smirking.

Do you realise how awful this sounds, and how ridiculous your attempt to make it sound as if you magnanimously might be preventing violence in the future seems? As for "possibly smirking" - presumably that means you can’t say he was, but want to suggest he might have been!

You were both in the wrong. You for dangerous driving and mentioning physical violence. Him for approaching your mother and harassing you when you had repeatedly apologised. I doubt very much if he would have done this to a bloke. The good news is the police are going to let it drop.

That’s not what I said at all you you well know. A bad person wouldn’t be feeling like she does. Which is contrite.

Nobody was on the pavement. Nobody was hurt. Nothing happened. Yet still the op feels like shit. That’s not a bad person who feels like they can do whatever they want and get away with it is it? Use your noodle.

I would also threaten someone who was following me. What was the OP supposed to do, invite him to sit in her car and go home with her?

Following a woman and harassing her is also dangerous and illegal.

You were both out of order.

You made a mistake and admitted it. He gained nothing by constantly pointing it out - what outcome was he hoping for?

If it was wind you up he succeeded!

You were wrong to have made a threat.

That’s likely why the police closed it down. 2 wrongs don’t make a right but there’s no gain in pursuing this.

I don't think swearing's here or there. I swear a lot, people have varying views on it. The man's clearly an intolerant loser who sees himself as an enforcer or rules. I pity anyone who has to spend time with him.

Important life lesson: It is rarely necessary to have the last word. Especially when your interlocutor seems to be ranting along a track embedded in their own mind, only tenuously connected to an actual event. The best approach is to take a step back and simply observe.

He then kept saying "I've never seen anything like it, it's the most unbelievable thing I've ever seen in my life".

This is obvious hyperbole, possibly reflecting that he's realised he's making an absurd song and dance about this. In any case, what he's seen in his life is nothing to do with you and doesn't require an answer. I understand why it pissed you off, but this is where becoming the observer really helps.

Glad the cops saw sense!

And he was being physically threatening.

I’m sorry, but all of these “You were worse than him” posts are ridiculous.

Yes OP fucked up by driving across the pavement.

But he firstly harassed her elderly mother in the car and then basically followed OP to continually admonish her.

He asked if it was her, she answered honestly and explained why she’d made the mistake. He got his answer. He didn’t need to continue following her to her car and continuing to harass her. He was being a creepy, antagonising twat. I’m not surprised he got a mouthful. Even the police felt he’d invite similar comments from other with his behaviour.

It's not about apologising to a random man, she drove across the pavement! If it had been a woman who was outraged and called her out I'd expect the (terrible) driver to show some genuine remorse or mortification at what what they'd done! There are so many dangerous drivers on the road and most of them don't give a toss.