Got into an argument and got reported to the police... what do you think?

[FairyonaFrog]

This happened last week and it has been on my mind. I would like some feedback as I'm too embarrassed to discuss it with family and friends.

I was driving to a smallish, local town for some shopping. I wanted to park in a side road that has limited access and I was looking for the way in. I got confused looking for the entry way and ended up committed a traffic offense in which I mounted and crossed the pavement (I could go into more detail on this, but it's a bit complicated to explain the exact layout of the road). I immediately realised my mistake and drove off the other side. No one was involved, no pedestrians, no other cars, but it was a stupid mistake and I felt a bit shaken afterwards.

A couple of minutes later, I was buying a parking ticket at the machine, and I was approached by a random bloke, who asked me, quite forcefully "was that just you, in that blue car, who drove across the pavement?". I was a bit taken aback, but answered honestly - I said, yes it was me, I made a stupid mistake, I was confused by the road layout.

As I walked back to my car, he followed me and continued to go on. He said "that could have been really dangerous", I said yes, sorry, repeated I had made a mistake, and explained again that I had been confused, and that I wasn't from the town and didn't visit often so was unfamiliar with the road layout. He then said "it's lucky no-one was injured", and I said that there was no-one there (I'm starting to get pretty irritated at this point). He then kept saying "I've never seen anything like it, it's the most unbelievable thing I've ever seen in my life". By now I'm really pissed off with him, and suggest that if that's the case maybe he should get a f*ing life (I'm not proud of myself). We then shortly arrived at my car, at which point he said "Well, you should be more careful", and I said as a parting shot (really cross now) "Well you should be more careful or you'll get punched in the face". (Double meaning here - that's how he was making me feel, but also, if he goes around accosting people like this, it's likely to happen in the future). At this point he walked off, possibly smirking.

I should also add that my elderly mum was in the car, waiting for me in the passenger seat and she told me afterwards that he had approached her and demanded if she was driving, before finding me at the parking machine.

Anyway, I drove home home later, pretty upset about the whole thing and fully aware that it wasn't my finest hour. About 2 hours later there's a ring on my doorbell and it's the police. The guy has reported me for threatening him. I think he must have given them the car registration and I got the impression a police car went past my house later and saw my car on the drive!

I was, of course, horrified. I told the police the whole story as above, and they listened, and were actually sympathetic to me (or seemed to be), and told me they would be taking things no further and closing the report down. They even seemed to agree that the guy is, in fact, inviting trouble by approaching people like this. I wonder if he is already known to them for being a constant complainer.

I can't believe it though. I feel now that I was deliberately goaded. I mean, what did he expect by harassing a stranger - if he was that worried about my driving he should have gone straight to the police. What was he hoping to achieve?

I also feel really ashamed of myself for losing my temper and rising to him (I'm actively trying to get less irritated with people in day to day life), and I feel pretty stupid for making the driving mistake in the first place.

I'd just be really interested to hear what people think about this situation. Was I out of order or was he?

Stop bullying me for breaking the law and endangering people's lives. I'm just a confused woman who can't tell the difference between the road and a path 😭

We will never know...he may have simply been near the dangerous behaviour and shaken...the fact that OP went on to threaten violence cancels any moral high ground doesn't it?
It's the seeking self justification rather than accepting I drove without care and attention and then threatened someone that I find worrying ...rather than resolving to do / be better

Also the same poster who beeped at the police car?

I'm guessing none of these posters live anywhere near Middlesbrough or any other places with actual crime

Did the OP say she did it deliberately rather than drive a bit longer to the correct place? I thought from what she said it was an accident as she “realised her mistake”.

Apart from anything else it’s very unwise to escalate a situation with a random bloke by swearing and threatening them. I guess you’re not a city chick.

I suppose some people on here have never ever made a driving mistake or error of judgement. Most people do occasionally, and usually there's no harm resulting.

I think he was a nuisance but u were far worse. I cannot imagine threatening to punch anyone

He was goading you, even following you to your car to continue it. I think what you said was justified, he does risk getting punched in the face acting that way. Although I'd take a guess he is the type who would only dare act that way with women. Interesting that he reported the percieved threat (which he provoked) but not the driving that he thought was so dangerous he had to follow you round telling you off about it.

YANBU - of course it’s never ideal to swear and the mistake does sound like a very unfortunate one, but I think what he did was much more serious and the police should be paying him a very stern visit.

It’s totally unacceptable for men to harangue women like that.

C'mon now. When was the last time you confused a pavement for a road? She had to mount the bloody thing. When was the last time you had to mount the road whilst driving?

I can’t believe the police came out for that where do you live
I got threatened with SA at a petrol station for not being quick enough and they didn’t even care the police

I’ve never seen the word “harangue/haranguing” anywhere else as much as I do on MN. It’s virtually every other post on this thread.

You’ve all still got enough time to request a thesaurus for Christmas 🥱

By this logic no man should ever speak to a woman in a public place to take issue with something she's done. This man one sounds like a bit of a twat, both for going on and on and for reporting it.

I have to say it's pretty annoying when you look at all the stuff the police won't come out for that they prioritise this.

This.

It's this strange self-victimisation that some women have that when a man calls them out on doing something wrong, that's him being a bully to women, wouldn't talk to a man like that.

They do. All the fucking time. The majority of violent offences in court are men on men. Road rage, pub fights, work fights, family fights, neighbour disputes, drug dealers fights, county lines.

I think on this occasion OP would have been less likely to be so aggressive to a woman because she knows a possibly unhinged stranger woman would be far more likely to punch her in public than a stranger man would.

I've worked with violent and aggressive people in the NHS for years. Have only ever been physically assaulted by women.

Yes. That’s true. But when someone is hell bent on goading you to the point of dysregulation it can be very difficult. We are all human and our fight/flight system is powerful. She did her best. She stayed calm for a good while. But he goaded her. He shouldn’t have done that. He is not the police. He is not her father. He had no right to talk to her like that. Once was fine. Twice understandable. But he kept going. The OP is already working on emotion regulation skills so I’m not sure how your comment helps.

He said it once. Fine.
she apologised.
He said it again. Forgivable.
She apologised.
Then he stepped into unacceptable behaviour territory and he wouldn’t have pushed it with someone bigger and stronger than him.

Exactly. I drove into a one way street last year by accident. I was somewhere I’d never been. Looking for a pub entrance. My satnav helpfully told me it was somewhere else where it definitely was not. So I saw the pub down a side street and a car park. I thought ah ha there it is! I totally missed the no entry sign. Was it my fault? Of course! Was it deliberate? No. I realised immediately so I did a quick u-turn in a drive and went in the proper way. Which turned out to be the next road down. The car park bit I had noticed was the exit and the entrance was round the back. I guess people on here would say I just couldn’t be bothered driving that extra road length to the real entrance when that wasn’t the case at all! I made a mistake and despite the fact nothing would have stopped me going in via the exit I turned round and went the correct way.

Also a while back I was in Glasgow and was walking along a bit of road I thought was purely pavement. Until I got beeped at! I was still really confused as it was a straight road with no difference in pavement structure or looks. But apparently it was now a road that led to a new build estate. They obviously had no other way of cars getting to it and hadn’t build the actual road yet. I actually investigated this to find this out and make sure. It was definitely now a “road” that was allowed to be used but no signage for pedestrians to know this. Turns out there was signs for motorists further back to use this now “road” but not for pedestrians. So yes as a pedestrian I couldn’t kill someone by walking in the wrong place, I still managed to make a mistake wandering along an in use road. It happens. I have seen many roads that look like pavements and vice versa over the years. Mistakes can happen.

But if you’re not dysregulated you don’t dysregulate under pressure.

Well I’ve actually just posted this in reply to someone else. Opposite way round but still. Copied and pasted as I can’t be bothered writing it out again.

Also a while back I was in Glasgow and was walking along a bit of road I thought was purely pavement. Until I got beeped at! I was still really confused as it was a straight road with no difference in pavement structure or looks. But apparently it was now a road that led to a new build estate. They obviously had no other way of cars getting to it and hadn’t build the actual road yet. I actually investigated this to find this out and make sure. It was definitely now a “road” that was allowed to be used but no signage for pedestrians to know this. Turns out there was signs for motorists further back to use this now “road” but not for pedestrians. So yes as a pedestrian I couldn’t kill someone by walking in the wrong place, I still managed to make a mistake wandering along an in use road. It happens. I have seen many roads that look like pavements and vice versa over the years. Mistakes can happen

I’ve actually just googled to see if I can fine it on Google maps but firstly I’m not sure of the road name and secondly the area hasn’t been updated anyway for years and the new builds aren’t there yet.

He's the worst sort of bully. Playing the big man haranguing a woman, then bleating to the police when you retaliate.

You've got to forgive yourself for your actions here and move on.

I get a bit like this, if I blow up - even if its justified and something that 80% of people wouldn't even think twice about, or even be proud of themselves for doing - I can flog myself over it.

Holding yourself to a higher standard is good, but dont let it eat you up. The guy sounded like he needed to be told in this instance. You're also quite right in what you said, someone is going to punch him one day!

You drove very dangerously, you swore at a stranger who challenged you then you threatened to punch him in the face. What would you have done if he had threatened to punch you in the face?

My Dad got reported to the police once and recieved a caution because someone who was parked across his drive reported him for threatening behaviour.

My Dad simply asked him to move his car, "because hes not a very good driver and he might accidentally hit your car if its parked like that (across the driveway!)" the bloke took that as a gaurentee my Dad would hit his car - unfortunately the police agreed!

I think you were foolish to lose your temper, and to issue threats to a strange bloke about 'punching him in the face'.

You'd have been far better to take the moral high ground and when he followed you to have stopped and said calmly, 'I'm finding you very intimidating and if you continue to approach me then I will call the police. Please go away now'. I'd have got my phone out ready to take a picture of him.

He sounds like a busy body - but he would presumably have left you at this point without you putting yourself in the wrong.

If you are in this situation again or any sticky situation don’t make threats to assault someone or you’ll be in hot water for a second time.
He was a busy body, you were in the wrong too.