Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Got into an argument and got reported to the police... what do you think?

319 replies

FairyonaFrog · 31/08/2026 13:00

This happened last week and it has been on my mind. I would like some feedback as I'm too embarrassed to discuss it with family and friends.

I was driving to a smallish, local town for some shopping. I wanted to park in a side road that has limited access and I was looking for the way in. I got confused looking for the entry way and ended up committed a traffic offense in which I mounted and crossed the pavement (I could go into more detail on this, but it's a bit complicated to explain the exact layout of the road). I immediately realised my mistake and drove off the other side. No one was involved, no pedestrians, no other cars, but it was a stupid mistake and I felt a bit shaken afterwards.

A couple of minutes later, I was buying a parking ticket at the machine, and I was approached by a random bloke, who asked me, quite forcefully "was that just you, in that blue car, who drove across the pavement?". I was a bit taken aback, but answered honestly - I said, yes it was me, I made a stupid mistake, I was confused by the road layout.

As I walked back to my car, he followed me and continued to go on. He said "that could have been really dangerous", I said yes, sorry, repeated I had made a mistake, and explained again that I had been confused, and that I wasn't from the town and didn't visit often so was unfamiliar with the road layout. He then said "it's lucky no-one was injured", and I said that there was no-one there (I'm starting to get pretty irritated at this point). He then kept saying "I've never seen anything like it, it's the most unbelievable thing I've ever seen in my life". By now I'm really pissed off with him, and suggest that if that's the case maybe he should get a f*ing life (I'm not proud of myself). We then shortly arrived at my car, at which point he said "Well, you should be more careful", and I said as a parting shot (really cross now) "Well you should be more careful or you'll get punched in the face". (Double meaning here - that's how he was making me feel, but also, if he goes around accosting people like this, it's likely to happen in the future). At this point he walked off, possibly smirking.

I should also add that my elderly mum was in the car, waiting for me in the passenger seat and she told me afterwards that he had approached her and demanded if she was driving, before finding me at the parking machine.

Anyway, I drove home home later, pretty upset about the whole thing and fully aware that it wasn't my finest hour. About 2 hours later there's a ring on my doorbell and it's the police. The guy has reported me for threatening him. I think he must have given them the car registration and I got the impression a police car went past my house later and saw my car on the drive!

I was, of course, horrified. I told the police the whole story as above, and they listened, and were actually sympathetic to me (or seemed to be), and told me they would be taking things no further and closing the report down. They even seemed to agree that the guy is, in fact, inviting trouble by approaching people like this. I wonder if he is already known to them for being a constant complainer.

I can't believe it though. I feel now that I was deliberately goaded. I mean, what did he expect by harassing a stranger - if he was that worried about my driving he should have gone straight to the police. What was he hoping to achieve?

I also feel really ashamed of myself for losing my temper and rising to him (I'm actively trying to get less irritated with people in day to day life), and I feel pretty stupid for making the driving mistake in the first place.

I'd just be really interested to hear what people think about this situation. Was I out of order or was he?

OP posts:
Booboobagins · 31/08/2026 17:53

He was probably neuro diverse for responding like that or a player as you said - classic victim persecutor game.

He was an AH, you said your piece, you know I future not to get goaded and also stop apologising. You didn't hurt anyone.

A simple yes I made an error won't happen again then get on with your business and ignore ignore ignore.

Hinsight is wonderful, I'd probably have said a lot more but not threatened him tbh! Anyone saying swearing is bad should go live in USA with the rest of the pious world imo.... Anglo Saxon was a language spoken here long before English...

Fortheloveoffrogs · 31/08/2026 17:55

Booboobagins · 31/08/2026 17:53

He was probably neuro diverse for responding like that or a player as you said - classic victim persecutor game.

He was an AH, you said your piece, you know I future not to get goaded and also stop apologising. You didn't hurt anyone.

A simple yes I made an error won't happen again then get on with your business and ignore ignore ignore.

Hinsight is wonderful, I'd probably have said a lot more but not threatened him tbh! Anyone saying swearing is bad should go live in USA with the rest of the pious world imo.... Anglo Saxon was a language spoken here long before English...

ND doesn’t cause abusive/aggressive behaviour. Coupled with a significant learning disability I could buy into that but people with ND, on the whole, as adults, can learn what’s acceptable and what’s not and as adults have a responsibility to do so. This man’s behaviour was a choice. The first and second times are fine. The rest is not.

Random321 · 31/08/2026 17:55

I don't see where he actually said anything wrong.

From your version of the story, everything he said was factually correct and from the sounds of it I would be concerned about your driving and road satefy too.

You could have ended it with "absolutely, you're right & I assure you it won't happen again. We make mistakes and I undersrand your concern".

Instead, you lost your shit completely.

If anyone spoke to me the way you spoke to him, I would consider reporting it too.

It's unlikely I would but it would give me pause for thought.

You really need to work on your driving, your reactions when things go wrong and your temper.

Fortheloveoffrogs · 31/08/2026 17:56

Random321 · 31/08/2026 17:55

I don't see where he actually said anything wrong.

From your version of the story, everything he said was factually correct and from the sounds of it I would be concerned about your driving and road satefy too.

You could have ended it with "absolutely, you're right & I assure you it won't happen again. We make mistakes and I undersrand your concern".

Instead, you lost your shit completely.

If anyone spoke to me the way you spoke to him, I would consider reporting it too.

It's unlikely I would but it would give me pause for thought.

You really need to work on your driving, your reactions when things go wrong and your temper.

She did!! Twice!!

Gowlett · 31/08/2026 17:57

WindsorGreatPark · 31/08/2026 13:10

Are you the same poster who had the police turn up because you told a teenage boy to tell his dad he was a cunt after parking badly in a supermarket car park?

Or is this a new MN engagement farming technique with stories about police turning up 2 hours after a minor dispute?

Either way, don't swear at people and threaten them and the police won't turn up on your doorstep.

Edited

My thoughts exactly! The minute I read this, I thought of Cunt Dad & Tesco Woman. It’s all suspiciously AI to me, TBH… And I never say “this can’t be real” on MN, because everyone’s life is different, and people have many & diverse problems. But this, again… Nope.

Ilmiocompleanno · 31/08/2026 18:02

Smoosha · 31/08/2026 17:45

I agree that what she did was wrong even if a mistake. But was it really so so dangerous and only sheer luck there wasn’t an extremely serious accident? As others have pointed out people drive over pavements all the time when leaving driveways. The driver just needs to make sure they look and drive slowly. If the OP could see there was zero pedestrians around then it wasn’t extremely dangerous although yes she still shouldn’t have done it. It was wrong, and if she had been caught by police and got a ticket/points then I wouldn’t disagree with that. But no one here has any idea what the OP could see and if there was any actual risk.

Agree with this. The reality is that situations where drivers drive over pavements are really common. Lots of premises have entrances that require the driver to cross a pavement. It's also not unknown to come across situations where the road junction is designed so that the driver does drive over the footpath at the junction. I can think of one such junction near where I live. If the driver drives slowly and takes care to give way to pedestrians, it is not a case of it being "sheer luck" that no accident occurs. For the avoidance of doubt, I am not condoning people driving over pavements illegally, but without seeing footage of what actually happened, we have no idea whether it was "sheer luck" that there wasn't a serious accident.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 31/08/2026 18:10

I parked on double yellow lines (I know, I know) a few years ago and in retaliation, a home owner on the street deliberately bumped my car (took my bumper off). When the police attended, they said that despite my having done something illegal it did not excuse the actions of the home owner and he was held at fault.

So. Just because you did something illegal, it didn't give him the right to stalk and harass you. Which is a worse offense than accidentally driving over a path with no one involved or put at risk.

WheresThatCatGoneNow · 31/08/2026 18:14

Why did you resort to abusive language and swear words?

It just wouldn't occur to me to ever do that.

Using offensive language was only ever going to escalate the situation.

It's not how I would dealt with it.

Uricon2 · 31/08/2026 18:29

I did wonder if this altercation took place in the Waitrose carpark, ala the poster last week who called a shop assistant the c word and 'sparred' with everyone who said she was wrong. After posting in AIBU

Another2Cats · 31/08/2026 18:38

Megifer · 31/08/2026 13:18

Chufty badges to the pious posters who have never done anything wrong 🌟 big well done to you all

Well, I have certainly done things wrong in the past, but I have certainly never

"... committed a traffic offense in which I mounted and crossed the pavement"

There just might have been some young children there and god knows what would have happened.

ginasevern · 31/08/2026 18:41

@Aluna "But if you’re not dysregulated you don’t dysregulate under pressure."

How very Zen of you. But most normal human beings have been "dysregulated" at some point. I have by my schizophrenic son for example. So to suggest that someone is basically unhinged for loosing their temper or being overcome with emotion when under pressure occasionally is pretty shit of you really.

Livelovebehappy · 31/08/2026 18:42

DebbieSavage · 31/08/2026 13:10

U did nothing wrong hun I would have reported that man for sexual harassment he had no wright following u around like that hope ur OK ❤

Seriously? 🙄

Smoosha · 31/08/2026 18:43

Another2Cats · 31/08/2026 18:38

Well, I have certainly done things wrong in the past, but I have certainly never

"... committed a traffic offense in which I mounted and crossed the pavement"

There just might have been some young children there and god knows what would have happened.

You know the OP has eyes right? If there was young children anywhere in front of her car I’d hope she’d see them and stop. What if a young child was playing in the road? Do you think she’d just drive over them? Or as she was leaving her driveway and a mum with a buggy was walking past her house do you think the OP would just run them down? She drove over a pavement. Unless it was either pitch black or there was a wall she drove through that restricted her vision I don’t think it’s fair to say she would have necessarily have plowed straight into anyone in her path.

Another2Cats · 31/08/2026 18:51

Smoosha · 31/08/2026 18:43

You know the OP has eyes right? If there was young children anywhere in front of her car I’d hope she’d see them and stop. What if a young child was playing in the road? Do you think she’d just drive over them? Or as she was leaving her driveway and a mum with a buggy was walking past her house do you think the OP would just run them down? She drove over a pavement. Unless it was either pitch black or there was a wall she drove through that restricted her vision I don’t think it’s fair to say she would have necessarily have plowed straight into anyone in her path.

I wouldn't use the word "necessarily" but consider the situation where the OP suddenly realises that she is driving on the pavement. She is flustered and concerned about what to do.

She sees a movement out of the corner of her eye and reacts differently to how she would normally. Her foot hits the accelerator rather than the brake and something very unfortunate happens.

There was a case about ten years ago where just this situation occurred. A woman was parking a car and hit the accelerator rather than the brake and killed a passing pedestrian.

HRTQueen · 31/08/2026 18:52

why when when retaliate with threats when dealing with men’s anger

If you were a man you wouldn’t have got such a telling off, he is allowed to get angry towards you but not you with him

don’t be embarrassed op we can’t always remain calm and patient and act appropriately when dealing with angry men and neither should we be expected to

FairyonaFrog · 31/08/2026 18:54

I just wanted to say that I am not AI or a previous poster, as has been suggested a couple of times. I know I behaved badly in this situation - it caught me off my guard and although I initially tried to react calmly and de-escalate (as I knew I was in the wrong), I became angry as things continued. I have started this post to try to straighten it out in my head as it is still bothering me.

There have been some genuinely helpful responses on here, which I will try to use if I ever find myself in a confrontational situation again. To answer a few questions, yes I am middle-aged, I'm average height / build, I've never hit anyone, and I was not intending to hit the guy in question and I know I shouldn't have said it.

If anyone is interested, I will clarify the driving mishap. It seemed too long-winded to put it all in the original post.

The town I was visiting has a main (busy) high street, and a parallel road (a kind of service road) running in front of the shops on one side. In places the two roads are separated by a wide-ish pavement, and in other places by perpendicular parking bays, which are accessed from the service road. (There is another pavement the other side of the service road, running directly in front of the shops).

I wanted to park in the service road bays, but I didn't know how to get into the service road. I had a vague memory that there were a couple of access points as you drive up the high street and I was looking out for them.

As I was driving up, I saw a wide, dropped kerb to my right... and I thought "there it is", so I started to make the turn into what I thought was the access point. As I drove up the kerb, I realised I had made a massive mistake, and that I was actually driving up a crossing point, onto the pavement. I made a split-second decision (knowing I had to get out of the situation as quickly as possible), so rather than reversing back out into the high street, I continued on a couple of metres which allowed me to drop down into the service road. There was no moving traffic here, only parked cars and there were no pedestrians around at that point.

No one was affected by my actions, but I know that I made a bad move. I assume that the man who approached me was a pedestrian who observed it from further away - maybe from the other side of the street, or maybe from the second pavement by the shops.

OP posts:
PlacidPenelope · 31/08/2026 19:10

Another2Cats · 31/08/2026 18:38

Well, I have certainly done things wrong in the past, but I have certainly never

"... committed a traffic offense in which I mounted and crossed the pavement"

There just might have been some young children there and god knows what would have happened.

There just might have been

There wasn't.

All this could have, what if, might have is irrelevant.

Why do people do this could have stuff? Why not just stick to the facts of the situation? Why go off on a tangent into things that might have happened, what's the point?

eastegg · 31/08/2026 19:15

DandyFatball · 31/08/2026 13:45

Wouldn't you call the Police if someone threatened you like that?

No.

If they said it ‘as a parting shot’ as OP says (really important detail when inferring what she meant by it and whether there was actually any danger), I was a man, she was a woman, and I’d been following her round a car park going on about her bad driving and she was clearly in the process of leaving?

No, I wouldn’t.

jellyfish798 · 31/08/2026 19:17

MyArtfulGreySloth · 31/08/2026 13:03

Ok you shouldn’t have said that to him, but the guys a busy body who should get a bloody life! Glad it’s gone no further op.

This! What a total drama llama. He's never seen anything like it? Sad twat! I remember chavs doing donuts and figure 8s in the big car park outside the local bowling alley 🤪 he'd obviously shit himself if he saw that!

jellyfish798 · 31/08/2026 19:19

Random321 · 31/08/2026 17:55

I don't see where he actually said anything wrong.

From your version of the story, everything he said was factually correct and from the sounds of it I would be concerned about your driving and road satefy too.

You could have ended it with "absolutely, you're right & I assure you it won't happen again. We make mistakes and I undersrand your concern".

Instead, you lost your shit completely.

If anyone spoke to me the way you spoke to him, I would consider reporting it too.

It's unlikely I would but it would give me pause for thought.

You really need to work on your driving, your reactions when things go wrong and your temper.

Yawn - are you the guy 😆

Moremelanzaneparmigiana · 31/08/2026 19:29

Random321 · 31/08/2026 17:55

I don't see where he actually said anything wrong.

From your version of the story, everything he said was factually correct and from the sounds of it I would be concerned about your driving and road satefy too.

You could have ended it with "absolutely, you're right & I assure you it won't happen again. We make mistakes and I undersrand your concern".

Instead, you lost your shit completely.

If anyone spoke to me the way you spoke to him, I would consider reporting it too.

It's unlikely I would but it would give me pause for thought.

You really need to work on your driving, your reactions when things go wrong and your temper.

And you need to work on your reading

She literally told him a few times yes I made a mistake

TotaleclipseinFrance · 31/08/2026 19:36

It's about 50:50 on the unreasonable front between you and this guy, if I'm honest.

I am fecking furious with the police with wasting time over this, though.

Haven't they got anything better to do?

Hghardy · 31/08/2026 19:37

Is it just me who's noticing a lot of posts like this lately. One lady was banned from her supermarket for having a verbally abusive rant at a member of staff, and yesterday a woman given a ticket and points for honking her horn at a police car. Maybe I'm just cynical I don't know 😏u

Girlwithavibe · 31/08/2026 19:45

You was not in the wrong !.
He was harassing you !
And it's because you are female !
If you was male he wouldn't have dared because he would of got punched for sure !
If someone did this to me I would have reported him for harassment fucking T@3t!
I hate people like this !

TotaleclipseinFrance · 31/08/2026 19:45

eastegg · 31/08/2026 19:15

No.

If they said it ‘as a parting shot’ as OP says (really important detail when inferring what she meant by it and whether there was actually any danger), I was a man, she was a woman, and I’d been following her round a car park going on about her bad driving and she was clearly in the process of leaving?

No, I wouldn’t.

I think both OP and the guy were unreasonable. It need not be either or.

What the hell the police were doing getting involved in this for, I do not know.

Haven't they got any common bloody sense?