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AIBU?

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AIBU to think my MIL is rattled by my opinion of her?

144 replies

AvocadoRules · 31/08/2026 12:32

So, my MIL has always been awful to me, and to other people too. A few years ago I pulled her up on her behaviour and after the denials and gaslighting she got upset and said "she thinks we are horrible people". I didn't say that directly to her, but whatever I said insinuated that they (in-laws) are not nice people to be around. Well, it was the truth, they are not. My MIL is a narcissist. She ticks every one of the boxes.

Anyway, since then she toned it down a bit, but it didn't last long. However, one thing she does do is go out of her way to tell me what a nice person she is, and lots of virtue signalling. Last year she was telling me about something nice her DD did (I don't believe it as her DD is a chip off the old block and the most self absorbed and entitled person I have ever met) and I said "really?" and she got upset saying "yes, she is a nice person you know" and got all flustered.

More recently I was with them, and someone also present asked her to impart some wisdom to which she replied something very close to "I've come to realise that if someone has an opinion of you, that is not correct, then there is nothing you can do about that, you know yourself, and you know you are a good person and that is all that matters. It doesn't matter what they think". I think she is angry at me for seeing her true colours.

AIBU to realise that after all the years of my MIL being an absolute cow to me, I have got to her? I have hit a nerve?

I could carry on just ignoring her, living my best life, which I have been doing, which really annoys her. She hates to see me thriving.

Or.....I could have fun with this, but I don't know how.

How could I have fun with this?

OP posts:
Monty36 · 31/08/2026 12:36

You have said how bad your MIL is without giving any examples of what she has done to deserve your dislike of her.

Brendayouknowthatyouremuchtoolazy · 31/08/2026 12:36

Two thoughts:
Two wrongs don't make a right.
You aren't coming across as particularly pleasant yourself.

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 31/08/2026 12:36

Just leave her alone about it.

You clearly can't stand her, she doesn't sound keen on you either and to be honest, 'having fun' with it is very likely to stress your husband out.

Not very grown up at all.

BeHardyBird · 31/08/2026 12:37

You want people to give you advice about how to be unpleasant?

Maybe you're the problem.

Fimofriend · 31/08/2026 12:38

Just avoid her.

Barnybrown · 31/08/2026 12:38

You sound lovely …..

ladyb2gw · 31/08/2026 12:40

What she said is true. You won’t even try and see good in her.

ExtraOnions · 31/08/2026 12:40

….from those examples I can’t see what she’s done wrong. Whilst your passive aggressive “really” doesn’t show you in a good light.

Isittimeformynapyet · 31/08/2026 12:40

I always advocate keeping a firm hold on the moral high ground.

That annoys unpleasant people more than anything and allows me to feel ok about myself.

Yupstillhere · 31/08/2026 12:40

You really aren't coming across as a nice person. Maybe you need a little self reflection too.

Justchillinhere · 31/08/2026 12:40

My advice, live your life, let her live hers.

BitOutOfPractice · 31/08/2026 12:42

I’m not sure MiL is the only nasty person here.

Jk987 · 31/08/2026 12:44

The in-laws are awful including sister in law but your husband is so good, you married him?

KiwiFall · 31/08/2026 12:44

Why waste time and energy on her if you don’t like her. Spend that time and energy with people you do like.

Just live your life and leave her to hers.

Purplecatshopaholic · 31/08/2026 12:44

Hmm, my MIL was batshit too. Life really is too short to care about these people op. Just ignore her shite, stay out of her way, let your partner deal with her/his family - job done.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 31/08/2026 12:44

You’re coming across as really unpleasant and fantasisingyouve got her. I really doubt she gives a shit, if she is who you think she is. If she’s actually a nice person and it’s all you, then yes, you may have rattled her, but I’d reflect more on your own unpleasantness,

faithfultoGeorgeMichael · 31/08/2026 12:46

anyone who has to deal with a real narcissist knows full well there’s no ‘fun’ to be had. Just drop the rope and focus on yourself.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 31/08/2026 12:46

What exactly do you think you have won?

Naurrr · 31/08/2026 12:48

Why do you want to have fun with playing games with some woman you don't like?

Just don't think about her or meet up with her, it's fine.

WhatNoRaisins · 31/08/2026 12:50

It's not always as fun in the moment but in the long run it's better to behave in a way that you can live with and try to hold yourself to good standards.

MajorSamanthaCarter · 31/08/2026 12:52

How does the hate and annoyance at you thriving manifest itself?

Bluenotgreen · 31/08/2026 12:52

BitOutOfPractice · 31/08/2026 12:42

I’m not sure MiL is the only nasty person here.

I agree.

If you can’t stand her, minimise contact and be gracious and reasonable.

Sounds like you are sinking to her level.

NovemberMorn · 31/08/2026 12:53

Asking strangers online how to make someone miserable??
It says a lot more about you than her tbh.

Greenmouldycheese · 31/08/2026 12:54

I dont get why so many women on here hate their mother in laws. I wondering if its to do with power play. My mother in law is a wonderful woman and I cant imagine speaking about her in this way. You say that shes not nice yet you give no examples. You are also making very passive aggressive comments to her so its no wonder she doesnt like you either.

I have two sons and I hope I never encounter women like you when they are older. Maybe you need to do some self reflecting here.

Buscobel · 31/08/2026 12:55

You have been very clear that you dislike her and her family, except, presumably, your husband. What makes her a narcissist in your opinion? Why are you spending time in the company of a family you don’t want to be with.

I’d hazard a guess that she’s given up trying with you.

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