AIBU to wonder if very enthusiastic bouncey older people are putting it on?

[mullandwonder]

Do you think older really enthusiastic bouncy happy people are faking it on some level and miserable behind closed door?

I'm not talking about enthusiasm of youth but older people who are those sort of life and soul people that always seem to be cracking jokes and thrilled with everything. A bit like Alec Baldwin's character in Friends who sees lights in a traffic jam and starts going on about a thousand twinkling fairies or something.

I was wondering about it because over the years I've read a few biographies where people who were like this in public were revealed to be misearable depressives at home.

I suppose being that bouncy and childlike would be exhausting full time so maybe its not possible.

Anyone lived with anyone like this? Can you fake it? I read one thing where the person said they just took a decision to be happy. Is that realistic? can we all make ourselves very enthusiastic about life just by 'deciding'?

Now you have explained what you mean, I agree that being extremely entertaining and bubbly and successful as a comic can go with having a very dark side. As to whether every bubbly adult is like that, I don't think so. Some people are just naturally optimistic and exuberant.

I’m definitely happier the older I get. Yes there are more losses/grief, few aches and pains, but the confidence of age and less fucks given, and knowing whats important in life and appreciating it all.. make for a happier person.

I can be 'bouncy' though it's not my default. There are two reasons for it - one is I just feel good and upbeat sometimes and it's a genuine expression of my feelings. The other is performative, especially in social situations where I don't know people as well or the general feel of the occasion is upbeat. But 'acting' like that usually makes me feel upbeat and confident, so it's not all fake.

I have observed that feeling down and letting it consume you (not talking about true depression) is self perpetuating. It is possible to decide to act as if you feel great and often that does raise one's mood. (Positive v negative mindset).

To add, I'm reminded of a guy I knew in my 20s who was excellent company - very funny. He took his own life not long after I came to know him. He also apparently had a partner that none of our friend group had even heard of so there was a huge sense of him hiding a lot of stuff.

Did you read OP's second post? I groaned at her first one, but her second makes an interesting and not infuriating point.

This is a bit harsh. Edit - sorry wrong post!

I envy you all! I had a rubbish childhood and have the most negative mum in the world still. I am 50s and she is 80s. I try so hard to be positive but can see times when I slip into being like my mum which terrifies me. My adult daughter has some serious health problems right now and I am hiding away from the world apart from work and a couple of good friends. I still smile at work and don’t divulge my worries but I am def not ‘bouncy’.

I envy you positive people. Maybe one day I will be like you! I think it’s a personality trait rather than an age thing surely.

This is a bit harsh!
(Commented this on the wrong post above)

Actually yes, I read her 2nd post - almost worse than the first.

She's basically objecting to people who are creative and use a sense of play in their creativity. And then making some hackneyed observations about the "sad clown" trope ie. the assumption that someone so "happy" in public must be "crying inside."

Cod psychology, invented by Charles Dickens in his biography of Joseph Grimaldi. Grimaldi was a great clown, and not so much "sad inside" as suffering the effects of inherited syphilis. Enough to bring you down at moments, I should think ...

I have a friend like this. It’s hard because when you try and share something serious she always tries to a positive spin on it. It’s like she won’t let you have your own feelings. She is also a terrible listener as she’s always distracted!

I'm audhd and can be happy and bouncy if in my happy environment, but less so now because the world has got me down and I don't get anything out of life anymore. I do still get excited if I see a squirrel though.

To start with, I wonder if you realise how ageist your question is.

You emphasise that you’re “not talking about the enthusiasm of youth”. There’s a clear implication that there’s something incompatible, in your view, between being of a certain age and having a zest for life, because otherwise why would you specify older people as fakers (and not just anyone who seems overly cheerful)?

you are obviously an advanced performer.

extra points if you remember you forgot something mid unpack and totter back to the furthest point in the store to get it.

Older people are less likely to waste the energy by putting on a front and more likely to be genuinely chipper if that's what you see. Plus less to prove to the world.

Performers are less likely to be "normal range" of mental health or neuro-development than the general population. The lack of stability, routine and consistency is less appealing to average people but can work well with people with "spiky profiles" or inconsistent energy.

I was very shy & anxious as a teenager & 20's. I was very self conscious & worried about what people thought of me.

Now I'm late 40's i couldn't give a shit what people think, Im comfortable with who I am & confident being me. I really don't care if people don't like me. I'm not rude or difficult & have got on with the vast majority of people I work with or meet socially - I just don't go out of my way to change myself to please others.

Yes I'm happy, content & confident. Sorry if that comes across weird to the youngsters. There's prob a touch of jealousy there if it does

No idea what I will be like in my 80s but definitely I've become wiser, more confident more self sufficient & much less bothered with the small stuff as I've got older

I don't think it's a front. I think that some people just have much higher highs, and the energy that takes out of you means that the lows are so much lower.

Taking myself as an example. When I'm at something like a wedding with a big group of people, many of whom I won't know, I'm chatty, I'm involved, I'm generally considered good fun. That's not a front, I'm not trying to be good fun, there's no conscious decision there. I'm just being me. But it will leave me drained, and I'll desperately want to crawl into my cave for a day or two afterwards to recharge. That's not a feeling I get after a quiet night sat in the pub with my best friend. And none of those parts of me are fronts, they're all me, from the life of the party, to the subdued chat in the pub, to the goblin whose social battery is completely dead.

Same with Robin Williams. The bits of him you see in interviews, in films. They're not a front, that's who he was. But it wasn't the whole him, because noone is just the good times.

Your neighbour sounds absolutely wonderful!

This. All of us. We're all secretly jealous of your youth and vitality too.

I admit to being jealous of their knees.

I should add that I popped into Morrison's tonight and discovered that only the automated checkouts were open.

I wish that I were making this up, but apparently I put my bags on the area for shopping and my shopping in the bagging area...

Unfortunately, there were ample free automated checkouts, so I didn't inconvenience the younger shoppers. Must. Try. Harder.

fabulous tactics, work on the timing!

I think that I'll aim for Saturday afternoon, next time.

sounds good....if the shop is surrounded by office worker types, try a weekday lunchtime.

Oooh. Good call!

i;ve been retired for nearly 3 years now - i;d say i;m happier now than i was in the 10 years before i retired, i am happy and enthusisatic about doing new things and learning new skills and having time to do the things i already enjoyed an spending time with my husband. i daresay some people find the resurgence of energy and emthusiasm a pita. however, i can't stand those life and soul. wisecracking types, there's usually no depth to it and it's really grating but whether they;re different away from others or depressed at home, who can say?