AIBU to blank another parent who witters on?

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I Am Being UNKIND but AIBU (and what can I do about this)?

My DD has started horse riding. She's currently having a lesson once a week with one other kid. I take her and sit to watch. The other kid's mother also stays to watch and she is SO BORING and won't shut up.

I have heard 4 times now about how tedious it is to fill in all the forms for her DS's school sport (we're in the US and school sport here is a bit crazy). Last time she spent 12 minutes (I was clock watching) explaining how she went to bed to late. It involved her telling me about four separate loads of laundry, though it turns out she actually stayed up watching TV. I smile and nod and try to get focus on my DD or read the book I bring each week. Sometimes she gets the hint and goes on her phone, but after a few minutes she'll tut or sigh and start telling me about some admin problem she's trying to solve. I cannot bear it.

She seems like a nice woman, but I just don't can't stand her. AIBU to blank her a bit when she goes does this? What alternative is there that doesn't leave me dreading taking my DD to her lesson?

Like I said, you're incorrect. It would cost me.

As a last resort, can you get daughters lesson changed to a different time?.

Given I'm pretty adamant that I want to focus on DD when she's getting instructed why on earth do you think I'd take a book to read if I couldn't do that? If I'm reading my book (and not wearing headphones) I notice DD's name being used and look up.

It's kind of bizarre that you would just assert it as fact. Have you any idea why you did?

I guess that says a lot about you...

I know EXACTLY the sort of person you are talking about. I know someone exactly like this.

She tells me about going to Greggs, what she bought, the discount they got, their computers at work, the cat pooping on the floor, what cat litter they use etc... we have nothing in common other than a child the same age. But I chose to listen.

Turns out the reason she witters on is because she is lonely and lacks confidence and is quite shy and isn't the best at social skills.

She is like this because she escaped a relationship of coercive control from a narcissist who still tries to control her via the children.

So my point is, that rather than write someone off as a bore that is "costing me an hour of my time", sometimes there is more to a person and being kind costs nothing.

Might be possible, might not, very tricky. But she's doing well with the other child. They get on and are at relatively complementary stages so the joint lesson works really well for the two of them. I think I'd be rude to the other mother before I'd choose that route. Though being rude might mean the other mother changes their lesson time!

You keep stating that being kind would cost me nothing. Yet I've pointed out that's not true. That will remain the case even if she's has a complex and heart breaking back story. It might be a cost I would think worthwhile, but it is STILL a cost. It isn't free.

Yes, she lacks some social skills, but she can fix them herself if she wants to. I'm not interested in (and probably not capable of) teaching her how make small talk well. But people lack social skills for all sorts of reasons. Being abused is hardly a go to.

If I did find out that she needs help to get out of a terrible situation, I'd help at some cost. But I'm not being miserable every week on the off chance that's her situation.

As I have posted, I've changed my mind and I'm not just going to blank her. I'm going to use Annabella's phrasing and see if I can get her to give me space without hurting her feelings so much.

Which you would know if you really had read (and comprehended) my posts.

Well, the obvious answer is based on my own experience but ok, fine, if it doesn't apply to you. When my son was learning to ride the instruction was ongoing and not intermittently given. It was also given without his name being used everytime. You seem a bit irked about a very minor point in the overall context of offering a couple of solutions, of which one had no relevance whatsoever to you reading or not.

Why don’t you say “Hi, how are you? Good! Look I just need to focus because I want
to see how Annabelle is doing and hear
what the instructor is saying. Catch up later!”

Smile, and then sit forward, elbows on knees,
straining to hear and see, all eyes on Annabelle.

It gets tiresome having posters make suggestions that basically assume you're making stuff up/are at odds with what you've already posted/etc. I'm wondering about why they do it in the hope that I could change something about the way I post so that you stop. But it seems a vain hope!

I may do it too when I post on others' threads, but I've never noticed it, so can't analyse my own reasons.

Verbal incontinence and a rhinoceros hide =/= loneliness

If there is only one seating area, are there only two seats? If not just sit biggest distance away. When she asks why, use one of the useful phrases suggested upthread.

It's a bench. You could get three people on at a push, but it's pretty cozy.

It absolutely wasn't a "I dont believe you" comment. I think you are mistaking the tone because it is text - and I'm sure I do so myself; everybody does it. They also text in a shorthand way - it would have been better if I'd said "Can you really concentrate on your reading?" but as I didn't mean the comment to be an aggressive put down of your account it didn't occur to me to phrase it that way. Also, when replying, people misinterpret things, and miss specific OP comments even if they are trying their best to follow a thread. My own approach is that unless I am asked a direct, reasonable question or someone has been incredibly rude to me I just mentally shrug at comments that appear off the mark, stupid or otherwise not relevant to me.

But in this case it is costing her to be kind. Costing precious brain peace and tolerance

And the ability to focus on her reason for being there, her daughters horse riding. Life isn’t about every gathering of people being a social event.

I work with someone like this as mean as it sounds you have to be really blunt and quite harsh.

To be fair, I'm managing that bit fine. I have no problem making it absolutely clear I'm listening to the instructor and watching my daughter when she's jumping, that doesn't feel rude to me. While she often keeps talking, I can tune it out well enough and sometimes she seems to catch herself and realise that she's being a bit rude talking at me when the riding is what we're supposed to be here for. It's the bits in between where it feels like I'd be really snubbing her to not engage, but I can't stand it!

@BoomBoomsCousin why do you think she has latched onto you? I understand that the girls get on but there must be other mothers that she could talk to.

Can’t you pass her on to someone else?

She is nervous and she wants to be your friend.

She is mostly probably one of the mums on here that post the ‘I am being snubbed by one of the mums at…I am really upset because I thought we were friends. Do you think she likes me?”

Maybe take DH one week and sit him in the middle or an overly assertive friend that looks at her with contempt.

Good advice should be shared even if not followed, right?

No. There are just the two of us. It’s a semi private lesson.

Is the provided seating moveable? If you brought a nice fold up chair, it could be more comfortable, and you coukd sit where she's not tempted to talk to you.

I think she is the unkind one, actually. It’s very draining to be forced to listen to the someone share the minutiae of their life. She’s not paying any attention to you or she’d notice that it’s too much.

So do not feel badly about handling this. You should do your best to be polite, of course but you don’t need to tell yourself it’s unkind.

Is that really less rude?

Edit to add: The bench would be hard to move, but there's a side table that could be that could also be used as a seat at a pinch. It's set up in the one flat shady spot, though. So brutal to sit elsewhere for the next month or so but bearable come October-ish.

I don't want to dis her as a person. My finding her annoying isn't an indicator that she's not as nice as most of us are. I just don't gel with her and she has (some) poor social skills.

I get the impression she starts talking because she finds not talking unnerving.