AIBU to blank another parent who witters on?

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I Am Being UNKIND but AIBU (and what can I do about this)?

My DD has started horse riding. She's currently having a lesson once a week with one other kid. I take her and sit to watch. The other kid's mother also stays to watch and she is SO BORING and won't shut up.

I have heard 4 times now about how tedious it is to fill in all the forms for her DS's school sport (we're in the US and school sport here is a bit crazy). Last time she spent 12 minutes (I was clock watching) explaining how she went to bed to late. It involved her telling me about four separate loads of laundry, though it turns out she actually stayed up watching TV. I smile and nod and try to get focus on my DD or read the book I bring each week. Sometimes she gets the hint and goes on her phone, but after a few minutes she'll tut or sigh and start telling me about some admin problem she's trying to solve. I cannot bear it.

She seems like a nice woman, but I just don't can't stand her. AIBU to blank her a bit when she goes does this? What alternative is there that doesn't leave me dreading taking my DD to her lesson?

You don't have to play anything through the headphones, just put them in your ears so she can't talk to you.

Shame I can't use it!

Anything over my ears affects my ability to make out sound, especially speech. I likely wouldn't hear the instructor call by DD's name - which is the cue I need.

But most of you seem to be saying blanking is fine, just pretend to be listening to music. Is it really so different to be/pretend to be engrossed in my book?

And will anything stop the woman wittering, even if I do pretend not to hear her?

Could you drop her off and go and run errands? Then have your kid tell you everything she did over hit chocolate and cake after?
Perhaps give her some independence too.

I tell her I'm listening to the instructor when that starts. But it's only for a few minutes at a time. She seems like a nice enough person. I don't think she's vulnerable, nor particularly entitled, or obnoxious. We don't have anything in common, though. That doesn't make her a bad person but it does mean I'm not interested in chatting to her much anymore! I think she just finds it unnerving to not to talk. Hence the wittering about inane stuff.

I've replied to others and let this sit because I've been thinking on it since you posted. Maybe this is what I need to do, but was it upsetting (because that's what it sounds like)? Would it be better just to focus on my book and not do the nod and smile thing?

DD wants me to listen to the instructor so we can disect the lesson after. And it's really useful for her if I do that. Otherwise I'd just sit in the car with the windows up and read!

Can you sit away from the other parent?

Alternatively like PP said explain you want the silence. You have a full on job and no time to clear your thoughts.

Not really seeing how wearing headphones isn't blanking?
If you acknowledge her intually you haven't blanked her.
But I couldn't wear headphones as I'm actually trying to listen to the instructor when my DD is getting instruction and my hearing is bad enough as it is!

Why do you need to listen to your dd's intstruction. I never used to get involved with the coaching my boys received as it was on them to listen and learn from the coach. I didn't interfere. I would go away in the stands and sit by myself and let them get on with it. I was there being involved bit had space where I coukd have an hour and half to read a book or listen to a podcast without interruption.

Ear plugs OP ear plugs!!! Tell her you're on the spectrum and not great with other people socially. I've done this many times (for me it's true but my honesty generally works)

Do you have to sit near her at all? Couldn't you hang behind and let her get settled first, then go and sit somewhere else, if necessary yelling across the distance "I'm going to sit over here so that I can concentrate on watching Little BoomBoom. I can't hear to do that when we're chatting and it's what I'm here for." If she is stupid enough to follow you, say "I'm sorry, I told you I'm here to watch my daughter. I did tell you I'm deaf and I can't hear what's going on if you're wittering on talking to me." Then get up and move again. Even she must be able to see how ridiculous she would look chasing you around the place.
I did actually do this once when someone was boring my socks off talking at me. I'm not deaf but I felt my sanity was worth the weight of the lie. Mind you, I don't think she was as dedicated a witterer as your woman seems to be!

I guess my question comes down to - should I just tell her to shut up (not actually the words "shut up", obviously, but that's what "I want silence" amounts to), or should I just stop the nodding and smiling and read (which is blanking her)? Is one approach better than the other?

Love these kinds of threads!

OP: I have this problem, what should I do?
Mumsnet: Suggests a large number of sensible solutions
OP: Nope, I'm not doing any of them

😂

Pretend to be on a call on your mobile when you arrive (or set an alarm on it and "answer" the alarm, pretending to speak to someone). You can raise your hand to Witterer or turn away to speak to your caller.

There's only one seating area. I'd have to stand the whole time and I really don't want to!

I could escalate the comments and be very direct, I guess I'm thinking that blanking her by focusing on my book would be less rude than that?

Id say something like 'i don't mean to be rude but I have a very stressful job and need this hours peace and quiet to decompress and focus on DD. I won't be offended if you choose to watch your phone or something but I'm not here to chat ' and then informed except for a Bye

Every time she interrupts you watching say 'in sorry I'm concentrating ' and turn away again. After a week she will stop

I don't have a stressful job, or any job, and she knows that since I chatted and tried to find common ground the first few weeks. Any other suggestions on a form of words that would be polite enough but not a lie?

You need to tell her that you can't converse as you need quiet to listen to the instructions. Just stop her when she tries to talk by raising your hand or turning away. She'll eventually get the message.

Greet her warmly when you arrive as normal. Mary (or what ever name) <touch arm> i've been meaning to ask you if we could just be together here in silence while the lesson is going on? It's not you or anything it's just that i love to absorb the lesson in peace. Would that be ok? I don't want to seem rude .... <smile>.

wait for answer.

Thank her.

Is she later starts talking just say 'sorry Mary, I'm <nod at lesson> you know like i said. And watch lesson.

If after that (her seemingly understanding and saying so) she still tries to chat, you'll have to be stern and say sorry Mary <no smile> like i said i'm not chatting ok?

Turn away.

At that point you can start actually blanking (ie totally ignoring) and then say a cheerful goodbye at the end.

What I would do is politely say: “I’m going to have a quiet read while DD’s riding, so don’t mind me if I’m a bit antisocial...”

... something like that, they will get the message.

I like this. This could work. Thank you.

Unsurprisingly, when people are responding to a few words on a forum, they don't know all the ins and outs, so they suggest the obvious things. Also unsurprisingly, most OPs have already tried the obvious things that are possible and they haven't worked.

But there are always a few posters (by which I mainly mean you) who have difficulty imagining people acting in good faith and think the OP must be ignoring all the solutions to her problems for no good reason.

I think you need to be up front with her when you arrive ... Sorry Jane, I can't chat with you because I want to focus on watching little boomboom riding today.
Sit a little further away from her and any time she starts talking to you, I would raise my hand in a stop motion, then point to the riders and turn away from her. I would repeat this every time she starts to chat. I wouldn't smile, or laugh or repeat myself at all, just use my hand to indicate that I was watching the riding.

At this point, I wouldn't care if I came across as rude because she is being rude herself by constantly chatting when you've asked her not to.

There have been several responses along these lines. Do you really think, in the first instance, this is better than blanking her by just focusing on my book and not nodding and smiling from time to time?