And low they arrive home from uni after 5 years of living away….

[ICanBuyMyOwnFlowers]

and OMG aren’t they full of themselves. And my house is not a student house. She’s had my house to boss over for a fortnight whilst I was away on holiday and can’t understand why I might be a little put out after arriving home with my suitcases at 3am in the morning and not being able to get through the front door due to her shoes. Yep we’ve shouted and yep she’s already told me she’ll move out. I suggested it was a good idea. We both cried and made up. But…. Her standard of living is NOT MINE and now we both have to compromise. Ugh! Please tell me either stories that I can sympathise or laugh with or provide ideas. It’s my house, but she does live here!

You are the parent . She is the child. Stop arguing with her

Definitely set some expectations. Both my siblings moved back in after uni, whereas I moved out and tbh it upset me how much my parents (particularly my mum) let them get away with disrespecting them and basically taking the piss. I don't think it helped either of them be more independent, or even help them learn to look after their own homes/ belongings. Even now 20+ years on if we've had family holidays or similar they still act like teenagers.

Why is it her fault your dog peed on the floor? I wouldn't expect a dog to pee on the floor so wouldn't be checking for it under food mats.
She does her own cooking and laundry and cleaning but not to your standard, I think you're making a bit of a fuss over little. Yes she should've changed the sheets.

I'm dreading this day when DD finishes uni.

I got married before i finished uni. I knew long before i fell in love i wouldn't ever live at home again.

I feel for our current graduates, as house/rental prices mean they don't easily have that option open to them.

I hope you and your DD are back on an even keel OP.

@Nofeckingway I am so glad to have company. It also appears that I don’t know how to cook properly (as in buy good quality ingredients) either!

How do you mean @Whynotecinusername She's going back to uni in Sept, thank goodness.

My day of DD moving back home full time is still to come.

The entitlement of young adults really amazes me. I would never have treated my mums house like this (which yes, was my home before I grew up and left for uni, sure, but it’s your parents house, not yours, you’re an adult now). This is your home. You don’t have to compromise ffs.

Apols, yes, some, not all of course not. I just don’t get, frankly, the total cheek of someone behaving like this. You don’t have to argue op, you tell her how it is in your home. If she doesn’t like it, she moves out. I couldn’t have lived with my mum as an adult, so I didn’t.

This is a you and her problem. You can't assume all young adults behave like this. My 25yo DD has lived with me for 2 years and it's fab. She cooks, cleans, gardens, cat sits and is completely respectful of our individual lives. She works. I don't ask her for rent because I don't need it, but she chips in for groceries and meals out. It's like having the perfect housemate. Meanwhile she's saving for her own place.

Ahhh my son is back at home after finishing his nurse training. Yes he's a bit messy but I love having him home. I think it's the last time he will be as he's set on joining the army. I do run after him for sure but he's my boy!

My son moved home too. I feel the strain. Dont compromise. Its your house. You'll follow her rules when you visit her place.

Expecting someone to sleep in used sheets? Well that's just fucking grim<boak>.

"Her standard of living is NOT MINE and now we both have to compromise."
No, YOU don't have to compromise, SHE needs to. I'd be going round MY house and picking up all her "glasses, plates, vases, bathroom kit, even bloody cushions" and putting them in her room, where she can store them until she gets her own place. Well, I might allow her some stuff in the bathroom, but just her toiletries not potplants / decor etc.

What, do things for them out of love but expect a modicum of gratitude from a grown adult?

Why was she not made to take away her shoes? And why are you doing the bedding? If I came home to the carnage you describe her shoes would be thrown out the door, or window, unless there was an immediate clean up by her.

DS1 lived here for 1st 2 years of uni as only 15miles from his uni. Moved out for 3rd & 4th (Scotland). He moved home to save money while doing a PGD. Silly me thought he will be house trained! Well! Apart from being a great cook he was really not! Despite being almost 22 he reverted to teenager mode! 2 years on he has moved in with his gf & I do
miss him a wee bit but it was hard having him back but not wanting to treat him like a child even though he sometimes acted like one.

Throw ALL her shit and shoes etc into her room and tell her her shit stays in HER room and she either behaves and pays rent etc and treats you and your house with respect or she moves out! And mean it!!!

Sounds like she thinks she's living in a hotel with a cleaning and tidying service.
My DS came home after 4 years. I read him the riot act when it became apparent he was going to be here for a while (got a temporary local job whilst job hunting). I insisted that all his Uni crap went in the loft out of our way and anything he needed stayed in his room. Then he got a permanent job locally too (that was never in the plan). So he was here for 3 years!
The rules were;
clean up in the kitchen after you've used it.
Cook for everyone at least once a week.
Bedroom door shut and stay quiet once rest of the household have gone to bed.
Don't make noise when coming in late.
He mostly stuck to those rules, but getting him to keep his room and bathroom clean was a lost cause.
He did eventually save enough to put a deposit on a house and peace was restored!

Do own laundry is not good advice they put one thing in then tumble it on its own on the hottest day of the year!

Thank you - I would not have known this myself but since you have commented (and I looked it up), I will know if I ever write this word down. I wouldn’t call myself a pedant (mainly because I am not knowledgable enough) but I do take a keen interest in being correct.

I think yabu because you made her exist tbh so you have a responsibility to help her out