And low they arrive home from uni after 5 years of living away….

[ICanBuyMyOwnFlowers]

and OMG aren’t they full of themselves. And my house is not a student house. She’s had my house to boss over for a fortnight whilst I was away on holiday and can’t understand why I might be a little put out after arriving home with my suitcases at 3am in the morning and not being able to get through the front door due to her shoes. Yep we’ve shouted and yep she’s already told me she’ll move out. I suggested it was a good idea. We both cried and made up. But…. Her standard of living is NOT MINE and now we both have to compromise. Ugh! Please tell me either stories that I can sympathise or laugh with or provide ideas. It’s my house, but she does live here!

You do not have to compromise, at all. This is your house. Charge her rent. Remind her she’s an adult.

Yep, I had one come home from 3 years at uni. We muddled along for a couple of years while they saved and then they bought a flat and moved out .... BUT THE MESS! It was like a whirling dervish had gone through and THE WASHING! OMG!!

I feel for you but ... Your house, your rules.

"Anything your parents do for you after you turn 18 years old is out of pure love. Respect them and be thankful"

Nah I'm sorry, but your house, your rules - if she wants to live at home as a grown adult, she needs to compromise - or she can move out and pay rent elsewhere.

I say that as someone who was back home on and off until I was 27.

I agree your house your rules. U should not have to compromise much. I would charge some board ASAP. I say this as someone who went home after uni. I expected to be the one who compromised

I was home from 24 to 30 before I bought my own place. Happily paid the board too- I knew my mom needed my contribution. Even if she hadn't needed it i knew i was living there very cheaply.

Your house, your rules and she should be respectful and make a contribution to being there.

I hear you sister !

My DCs are unlikely to go to university so I'm training them up now (Y8 and Y10) to be good housemates.
One of them may go off and be a travel rep or outdoor instructor though so I consider myself forwarned!

Lo. Not low.

I feel your pain.
Both DC back from uni/living away for a bit too.

The shoe issue is real - we have a hall cupboard for that but it’s mainly ignored.

I’ve put some rules/caveats in.

Do own laundry
Clean their shower room once a week
keep room tidy 🤔 thankfully their rooms are at the top of the house so I don’t have to witness the mess.
Pay nominal rent
Clear up after self in kitchen
I don’t mind cooking cos I’m the one at home most but they will occasionally make dinner. Obviously they get their own breakfast and lunch/make packed lunch for work etc.

When they are both settled in good jobs we are fortunate to be able to help them w a deposit for a flat, but no way are we giving out handouts now, it’s enough they live here and have a nice place to relax and come back to.

Remind them that floors are left uncluttered NOT just because it looks better…..it’s actually safer! point out that having to evacuated in the dark in an emergency and tripping over crap all over floors int ideal!

Explain that the dishwasher and washing machine don’t magically load and unload themselves……they need a human hand for that, regardless of gender.
Similar applies to toilets, showers, wash basins, work tops……none are self cleaning ……..festering , dried on dirt is much more difficult to clean up than if it was tackled straight away.

Both mine paid board and lodging when they started work, we didn’t need their money but it was saved in different accounts and made a huge difference when they needed a deposit for their own home.

Opps

Unfortunately we fought a lot before she went off. I thought that was over because she’d grown up…..

It's not just the money tough is it. It's people leaving ness, making noise and always just being there

This is horrible parenting

Neighbour has 2 of them - one has a job, the other doesn't, and doesn't go to bed before 4am I'm often awake then and he's at a loss as to how to "motivate" that one short of kicking them out with a tent even though he's paying for car insurance (and many repairs).

I started work at 17 and paid my mum board. It started at £20 a week from a wage of £40. When I got to £900 a month, she took £250.

When I moved out I still paid for Sky (sports) for my poor henpecked Dad.

Your idea of parenting a baby and preparing someone for adulthood seem rather confused.

This is absurd.

I feel for you.

I wish to not believe anyone would feel that way about their own children, Mumsnet proves me wrong. Awful.