And low they arrive home from uni after 5 years of living away….

[ICanBuyMyOwnFlowers]

and OMG aren’t they full of themselves. And my house is not a student house. She’s had my house to boss over for a fortnight whilst I was away on holiday and can’t understand why I might be a little put out after arriving home with my suitcases at 3am in the morning and not being able to get through the front door due to her shoes. Yep we’ve shouted and yep she’s already told me she’ll move out. I suggested it was a good idea. We both cried and made up. But…. Her standard of living is NOT MINE and now we both have to compromise. Ugh! Please tell me either stories that I can sympathise or laugh with or provide ideas. It’s my house, but she does live here!

I personally believe you never stop being a mother but hey, we're allowed to see things differently. The only person I know who thinks being a mother stops when your kids are adults is my narcissistic mum! There's a difference between being a mother and babying somebody.

Why?
Why would you not respect your home?
Why not be thankful that if you can't find a job you have a warm bed and food?
Why would you leave your parents - and therefore YOUR home - like a pigsty?

@Lentilcakes and @MyDeftDuck I hear what you’re saying. It’s more that she’s moved back in and now feels all of her stuff has right to a place all over. So glasses, plates, vases, bathroom kit, even bloody cushions. It’s a no of course but she’s gone away for the weekend with her boyfriend and has left a horrendous shit show. I’ve just had to hack the dog’s lick mat off the floor because he’s obviously peed close to it and it’s run underneath dried and crystallised. I knew something was wrong because of the smell! I wondered why two lick mats were out but I chose the wrong one to go through the dishwasher else I’d have found it sooner!

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
My father quoted this to me. My opinion of him 7years later hadn't changed.
He had lots of good points but he was a smart alec.

When you're still washing their pants and ironing their shirts in 20 yrs time...

If a child of 18 is old enough to live a life at uni for 3 yrs (so they'd be 21 by now), they're old enough to be a grown up when they come home and remember to feed the cat or put the bins out...

How the hell are they ever going to cut the apron strings and live independently?

She hosted a load of her friends and it could have been worse but there’s not a clean bit of bedding anywhere and I have a friend coming today that I’ve not seen for over a year. Bedding currently going around tumble dryer

Am I getting the quote wrong??? Surely it’s respect your parents….. That’s how I read it.

@KookyScroller2 Yup! Like I said. She threatened to move out, I suggested it was a good idea.

So that would mean you haven't prepared them for adulthood efficiently, right?

I don’t know if you meant to reply to someone else but that is not even nearly what I said.

I think it means that you are legally obligated to look after your children to the age of 18. If you choose to look after them beyond that it's because you love them and not because you are legally obligated.

It made sense to me.

No, I can’t relate at all. My DC are much more tidy and organised than I am and they cook, clean, put the washing on, tidy up after themselves and work full time.

How about asking her to treat her living arrangements like she’s your lodger. Respect common areas, clean up after you’ve cooked a meal, be quiet if you come home late, get up early, be mindful of utility usage etc, you know, basic stuff. She can’t argue with that.

What's horrible about doing things for your DC because you love them rather than out of obligation? That's all this is saying. When you're an adult it's no longer duty or obligation, it's an act of love. So when you're feeling angry with your parents, remember what they do for you is a sign of how much they love you, calm down and be nice.

I hear you . Her room had previously been occupied occasionally when she was home . But I had my office stuff, extra clothes , hoover in there as it was quite big. Now I am told that I have to get stuff out of there. And yes, to the bathroom things, extra plates, teapots , glasses , cushions too ! that she wants to use around my house . Plus cooking and eating at different times so kitchen never seems to be clean . It's not that I am not glad to have her around , it's the sheer amount of stuff she has accumulated. Both if us have said it's a good time to have a huge sort out .

I thought it just meant that as parents we are not obliged to do these things once our kids are adults and that as such they should be respectful and grateful when we do? It doesn't mean we shouldn't help them, but that if we we do, it's because we love them rather than because we have to?

WTF is a lick mat and why is your dog pissing near it? Sounds worse than shoes in the hallway.

Erm, she does her own washing, cooking but her cleaning is not my standard and the dumping around the house of all of her stuff is awful. She thinks I’m OCD because I don’t want my friend to have to sleep in bedding that has been used by her friends for 4 nights.