To dump new BF over funny sex noises

[Anapplepieaday]

I type this as I luxuriate in bed on a Saturday morning. The kids are at their dad's, I am at home, and my new man of a couple of months standing has recently left.
He is a lovely man. Well, no massive red flags at this stage anyway. But his sex noises give me the ick and it is honestly making me wonder whether I can carry it on!
I know that's shallow but he makes this kind of repeated "Ooooh yeah, Ooooh yeah, Ooooh yeah' thing at the end in exactly the same way each time, and now I know it's coming (if you know what I mean) I struggle not to laugh or want to clamp my legs shut and crawl into a hole.
I know it's not his fault and would be the worst reason I've ever broken up with anyone. And it would be a waste of an otherwise nice thing we have, but is it even possible to change? Is it like how you sound when you sneeze?!
This morning I almost said something, but what can I say?!

Yeah just tell him!

Either tell him, or develop your own really weird noise, perhaps braying like a donkey?

If you are going to finish with him, you might as well be honest first.

That would make me laugh too!
I don’t think it’s too much of a problem at this early stage when it’s all new and exciting, but when you’ve been together a bit longer I think I’d have to jokingly mention how it could be an issue if you’re at a hotel or in closer vicinity of other people - and see how he reacts?
If it’s a case of him genuinely not actually being able to not make those noises that would bother me.

Actually laughed out loud at that 😂😂

Ooooh yeah, that's a hard one. Could you ask him to use a ball gag?

Perhaps he'll modify his behaviour if you tell him that his performance puts you off having sex with him at all.

That would make me as dry as the sahara.

What do you mean? I... already bray like a donkey? Doesn't everyone?!

Oh God.

You just made the same noise 🤣

This is a good point. We have never had sex anywhere other than my deserted (and detached) house. If we went away or there were other people here it would be absolutely not happening if he made those noises.

Probably worth saying ‘The “Ooh, yeah” thing needs to stop’? The ghastly thing is that he’s probably copied it from somewhere…

I'm imagining it in an Alan partridge way.

I have ended things with men for similar! One let out a high pitched noisy gasping ‘oooh’ that just turned me off instantly, another just was silent throughout except at the end gave out an ‘ahhhh’ like he was sitting down after a long day which was very weird. It’s just one of those things, personally I don’t think you can really ask someone to filter themselves in that moment. I know it would make me so self conscious if a partner pointed it out, and then I’d be more focussed on not making the noise than actually enjoying things, but others might have had more success at changes!

Looking back however, in both those cases there were other things not quite right with the bloke, and now I tend to think any so-called ‘icks’ is simply my body warning me of something I can’t name. So it might be you responding to something you’ve not consciously recognised as yet. Just a thought!

I don't think he has. It sounds pretty natural and sort of automatic, if you know what I mean? It's not showy. Like, I'm pretty sure I get breathy and (quietly!) say 'yeah, yeah' in the moment. But not with the volume and repetitiveness of his noises!

He’s probably trainable … try putting something in his mouth, shushing, or asking questions so he’ll be saying something else.

Maybe he thinks he's showing his appreciation, just tell him you don't like it.

Do you like that? Ooooh yeah.
Does that feel good? Oooooh yeah.
Should we get a takeaway after? Ooooh yeah.

Has he copied you? If you say ‘yeah, yeah’ at some point during has he heard you and thought be should do it to, that’s why it sounds automatic because he’s just doing it for the sake of it?

🤢🤢 You’re better than me I would start laughing. Maybe tell him (if you really like him) but unless you really like him throw him back.

I think you need to say something sooner rather than later, it will be awkward when he realises you’ve been cringing this whole time @Anapplepieaday 🫣

Love this. In my head it was more like the ferris bueller day off soundtrack

No it's not that. I sound like I'm having a lovely time and he sounds like the town cryer.

10/10!

‘Oyez, oyez, oyez’