To dump new BF over funny sex noises

[Anapplepieaday]

I type this as I luxuriate in bed on a Saturday morning. The kids are at their dad's, I am at home, and my new man of a couple of months standing has recently left.
He is a lovely man. Well, no massive red flags at this stage anyway. But his sex noises give me the ick and it is honestly making me wonder whether I can carry it on!
I know that's shallow but he makes this kind of repeated "Ooooh yeah, Ooooh yeah, Ooooh yeah' thing at the end in exactly the same way each time, and now I know it's coming (if you know what I mean) I struggle not to laugh or want to clamp my legs shut and crawl into a hole.
I know it's not his fault and would be the worst reason I've ever broken up with anyone. And it would be a waste of an otherwise nice thing we have, but is it even possible to change? Is it like how you sound when you sneeze?!
This morning I almost said something, but what can I say?!

Look how someone sounds during sex is always weird/funny unless you are so into it that everything about them is attractive.
In a one night stand for example, you might not notice as you are probably too busy getting yourself off or you might but it becomes a funny story about a bad ONS in years to come

When I have sex with DH and it is me making him come, I almoat always find the noises he makes a turn on, and yet objectively the noises and vocalisions are probably funny really and maybe cringeworthy to someone else

I'd say that if you are coherent enough to be noticing someone's sounds when they come and finding them annoying or funny but not in a cute/ good way then you are just not that sexually attracted to them.

Maybe think about that

All the suggestions to tell him the noises he makes puts you off. Maybe that will work if he is secure enough to take it on board without getting upset. The noises we make during sex are when we are being vulnerable and open so being criticised for it is hard to take without being hurt. Even if he doesn't get too hurt and stops though I'd be willing to bet something else will be irritating you about him soon

No this would be awful!

I’d rather a man howled like a wolf than was quiet during sex.

Absolutely this!!!

🤣🤣🤣

We need the laugh emoji back!! 🤣 I laughed out loud as I could hear this in my head as I read it!!

I can only hear that in a 'Frank Spencer' voice!

Yes! Why not play the song and just go with it. It's on Spotify. 'Oh yeah' by Yello for anyone who doesn't know it

The laugh emoji is definitely missing. Thank you, you wonderfully witty women.

Yep they HAVE to be noisy, can’t stand silence.. and it has to be manly, gutteral.

At first, I thought that first sentence is what you wanted the OP to say in response to her BF's noises.

It might actually work....

if not, get the ball gag ready! 😆😉

Just don't hold it down too hard and remember to remove it when finished.

Oh, and finish quickly...within 2-4 minutes.

Only if his first name is Tarzan and yours is Jane. 😆😎😉

An ex of mine used to say 'thank you'. I did tell him to stop... and he did. It was grim. Turns out I wasn't that into him anyway. Is the sex any good otherwise?

The sex is pretty good otherwise. He has made me come every time. I thank him though! I have always thanked everyone!

This is a good point, to be fair, and thank you for it. I have been in a couple of really loving long term relationships before, and I suppose looking back they made noises when they came that, were i minded to, I could have commented about. Perhaps it is a sign that subconsciously I am not that into him. Hmm. I suppose I like that he is vulnerable enough to let go with me in that way. But for whatever reason I notice that. Something to ponder.

That made me snorty laugh. Anyway, the OP should definitely do this.

With the greatest respect- grow up. Here’s what matters; when you’re at your lowest and most vulnerable will he be there for you, support you with tenderness and patience? The ick is for silly school girls who haven’t experienced life, do better and get a grip.

Well that's told you, Op.

I think i would tell him- not when u are in bed though. The things we say we sometimes do involuntarily. Calling my lovely previous boyfriend a b*stard was something we laughed about afterwards 🤣

You could should out “expelliarmus” when you cum and see what his reaction is? If he’s horrified then you can tell him you don’t like the noises he makes either 🤷‍♀️🤣

Looks like @Anapplepieaday’s BF has entered the chat…

You could always shout "Thaaaaaat's NUMBERWANG!!" at the moment of completion, OP

So is the issue the predictable banaloty of his noises or the fact he makes any noise? This post makes it sound like you expect silent sex. Is the problem he's not making you make any noises?

I often wonder in posts like this what the replies would be the other way around

Does he bring his bell?