To expect MoH to refund hen accommodation after we were refused access?

[Hennightmare]

I attended a hen party at the weekend - Friday to Sunday, staying close to a seaside resort in a private accommodation. I paid my share in advance - nearly £300.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the owner who refused entry on the basis that hen parties (and same sex groups/stags) are not allowed and this is stated in the booking terms and conditions and elsewhere on the website. Despite reasoning, the owner was not backing down, and said there’d been an incident with a same sex group two weekends ago which required costly repairs.

MoH said she was aware of other hens who had stayed and this is how she found the place on instagram. She was told no refund would be given as there wouldn’t be time to let it again for the weekend.

We managed to find budget hotel rooms in the area but this scuppered the plans which were in place for the house - games etc.

I have looked myself and it is prominent on the website about the rules around hen parties etc. It is clear there has been inconsistent approaches in the past though.

Should the MoH cover us for her mistake? I am out of pocket after the hotel booking.

YABU - suck it up, it happened
YANBU - her mistake, she should offer to cover it

I thought it would be TripAdvisor for that reason.
Only then the landlord can reply publicly and the refund of £300 will definitely be mentioned .

The Bride is definitely going to have a bad atmosphere at her wedding now. How do any of you know that MoH has not also partially reimbursed anyone else in the group that she is close to? She sounds manipulative enough.
The original error is clearly hers - but the actions since by her, the Bride (sharing the bank details), you and the person who left the bad review have all made it worse.
Either MoH should cover everyone’s hotel cost as it is her fault these were incurred- or all ‘refunds’ are pooled so that everyone apart from MoH is equally out of pocket and can reduce reduce their gift to the bride if they really want to break even.
Definitely no spa day. I can’t see that most of the Hens will be speaking to the MoH on the day as it is and to suggest she finesses a treat out of this mess is appalling.
Speak up now OP - as I expect it will all come out eventually and could reflect badly on you further down the line.

It's the updates that have me flummoxed: the MOH seemingly getting worse and worse.

This, its gonna happen, you need to start damage limitation now and not allowing MOH run rings around you because you are now morally in the dark zone but you can recover if you do it now.

But only right now. The time is ticking.

They weren't though, you should have told everyone about the offer if the refund.

I agree with everyone else that you have options here.
The best option is to own up to getting the £130, maybe message everyone else privately to say you got this and did they get any they haven't owned up to.
Then add up the total and say no, you do not agree that the £300 should go on a spa day for the Maid of Dishonour as she messed up the booking, it should be refunded to everyone equally.

The other complication you have OP is a MN thread.

If any of them find it, and you are not stepping up, it's going to look even worse.

I'm with some of the other pp here and was with you right up until the point you've decided to keep schtum about getting your refund. Is your integrity only worth a measly £130? Shame on you.
The MoH and bride-to-be are reprehensible.

you’re all as bad as each other. maybe you can use your bribe to join them in the spa.

MoH has left the group now, as have a couple of others.

I am drawing a line under the matter - I’ve accepted I won’t be seeing the £300 so will just cut my losses.

The small amount MoH did transfer to me I will put towards my dress shopping tomorrow and a bit of lunch, so that makes the best of a bad situation.

Thanks to those who have supported.

You made the best of the situation by being bribed. Too bad you don't care enough about your "friends" to tell them and allow them to get some money too. Enjoy spending your bribe.

You should have done more and by not doing so this will eventually blow up. Both you, the bride and MoH are behaving really badly and if I was one of the other people on the hen do I would reconsider my friendships and whether to go to the wedding.

So you’re keeping the bribe amd keeping quiet. And buying yourself a dress and lunch with it.
Shame on you. I hope the truth of this comes out to the other hens who have had the facts deliberately kept from them for the financial gain of others.

I’m sure there are some decent people in the hen party group who deserve better than this, although you, the MoH and the bride certainly aren’t the decent ones.
Some people just astound me with their shitty behaviour, you should be ashamed of yourself and your silence being bought for £130.

Maybe this thread isn’t real as I can’t believe people really behave like this.

You should pitch this ‘MOH creates chaos then secretly does off-chat deals with individual hens’ concept to the BBC. Call it The Wedding Traitors. Claudia could present it in a fascinator. I’d watch.

Op you need to tell the others about the refund you have received. Start a different group chat and just let the others know. You haven’t done anything wrong at this point as the refund was transferred into your account without your consent. But if you hid it from the them you will look as bad as the MOH and the b2b.

Hahahaha brilliant.

enjoy your ill-gotten gains, OP. If there was ever a thread that needed picking up by the media it’s this one!!

That would be a nice come uppance for the appalling way she’s behaved.

She can’t do anything, her hands are tied, they’ve probably left the group and she doesn’t have their contact details…there’ll be more excuses.

As I said before, no attempt to take any accountability whatsoever.

Any purchases made with the bribe will be tainted anyway- no amount of material can disguise an ugly personality trait.

You actually had support from some others throughout this but your dishonesty and participation in the deception of all the other party members is awful. Now you just appear self serving and carry as much blame as the woman you started this thread over.

I’m now thinking this is a wind up.

The MOH was bang out of order with the spa suggestion. Even £30 is better than nothing.

That said, I’m an MOH and I am utterly dreading planning the hen do as it feels like it’s inevitably stressful bringing together different friendship groups. I’m also unemployed at the moment so I simply don’t have the money to put up a deposit for bookings etc. This has prompted me to talk to the bride about plans…

It really has got out of hand. My hen do was simply a night out with my mates and mums. That was it. No weekend away, no stress. Everyone had a good night. I think all these expensive weekends are ridiculous. You shouldn’t have to front any money at all.

Now 130 is a "small amount"? If it's such a small amount why were you so bothered about having to pay the extra in the first place?

@Hennightmare Well have a lovely day spending your bribe money 🙄😬

Please know that you have acted as poorly as MOH by being a passive bystander.
Shame on the MOH, the bride and you for not acting with integrity and honesty.

I really hope the other hens aren't as poor as I was when I was at this phase of my life. £50 would really have made a difference to me