To expect MoH to refund hen accommodation after we were refused access?

[Hennightmare]

I attended a hen party at the weekend - Friday to Sunday, staying close to a seaside resort in a private accommodation. I paid my share in advance - nearly £300.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the owner who refused entry on the basis that hen parties (and same sex groups/stags) are not allowed and this is stated in the booking terms and conditions and elsewhere on the website. Despite reasoning, the owner was not backing down, and said there’d been an incident with a same sex group two weekends ago which required costly repairs.

MoH said she was aware of other hens who had stayed and this is how she found the place on instagram. She was told no refund would be given as there wouldn’t be time to let it again for the weekend.

We managed to find budget hotel rooms in the area but this scuppered the plans which were in place for the house - games etc.

I have looked myself and it is prominent on the website about the rules around hen parties etc. It is clear there has been inconsistent approaches in the past though.

Should the MoH cover us for her mistake? I am out of pocket after the hotel booking.

YABU - suck it up, it happened
YANBU - her mistake, she should offer to cover it

Was completely on your side until you took the money and said you were now in an ‘impossible position’.

You are not.

By sending the money, MoH has essentially admitted that it’s completely on her. So, there’s 7 other women there who at the very least deserve to know what’s actually happened with their money.

But cos you got £130 back it’s alright now?! I wouldn’t sell my integrity for £130.

Send it back, tell her it’s made you uncomfortable and tell everyone what happened. Be honest. You’re taking ownership of their money just as much as she has been.

And I’m sorry, but in reality, even if you fell out with MoH, it won’t ruin the brides day at all - there might be some slight awkwardness but you’re all in different groups and as adults are capable of staying away from each other/being civil.

And as for the the ‘I am down south, thankfully’ (I am paraphrasing) - don’t be a tit.

My hands are tied

That’s the most feeble excuse ever in this situation.
You have implicated yourself by remaining silent.

All the hens paid £430 and only got £130 worth.
They each deserve a full explanation of their missing £300, not just you.
They each deserve an equal part of any refund available, not just you.
You are preventing that happening because you are too feeble to speak up.
You are enabling the hens to be cheated.

Do the right thing and speak up OP.
And help your good friend the bride do the right thing too, so that she can enjoy her wedding, guilt free and knowing she took no part in an unjust cover up with her best friends as her victims.
Speak up now, so that you can all move on happily towards the wedding.

The minute you were told ….we are giving you this so that you don’t tell anyone, is the minute you should have rejected it and spoken up against such conduct in order to uphold your own integrity.

The longer you leave it the worse the injustice becomes.

You are part-perpetrator of the injustice until you speak out against it.

.

No one is going to be friendly after all this any way so it’s a bit of a bs fallacy to claim you’re not speaking out to prevent further conflict.
I think it is unreasonable for moh to take the spa trip and for bride to be to accept it. I’m willing to bet a lot of these friendships will not survive long after the wedding…

This!!!

That the bride and the MoH cooked up this plan to buy your silence at the expense of everyone else is bad.

That you are going along with it and pocketing £130 whilst everyone else gets nothing is despicable.

That the MoH is planning to use the £300 refund from the Airbnb to take herself and the bride to a spa is appalling.

That you reject every attempt on this thread to get you to behave with a modicum of honour (saying something, anything in the group chat; not keeping the £130 if you don't plan to tell the others) as a "pile on", "pointless", "unhelpful" is disappointing.

Frankly you are all really awful people and I feel so sorry for the other hens who have somehow found themselves within this terrible extended friendship group.

She is - but then look at her actions too. So so dishonourable from start to finish. She's keeping the £130 because her "hands are tied". Uh huh.

Can you imagine being the bride, cooking up with the MOH to conceal the truth of how the MOH disregarded the venue's warning from the other hens and sharing bank details without asking.

If this is the bride, the whole thing is rotten.

Did she not send the place to everyone to confirm they were happy with it before booking?

I’m in a very awkward position given I’ve been given a refund of sorts. I do think MoH is being a CF to use the money on a spa though!

You’re only in an awkward position because you’ve received YOUR refund and have decided to keep quiet about it.

I realise the original message was not your fault, but you’re now being deceitful

That does cover my question. She sent you a link to the place. You're just as responsible as her for the mistake.

What yoy could do is message the one women who has apoken up and ask her to create a poll. That would get people’s opinions. And also message the bride and tell her it hasn't gone down well that moh is keeping the refund for herself.

They've basically bribed you to keep your mouth shut, haven't they?

Yes, that’s exactly it.

Op you are as bad as the MoH.

Oh to be a fly on the wall at the wedding reception when a few drinks have been consumed and this is talked about 🤣

@Bigreddog25 Yes a few of us have said this. Giving £300 to someone for a random room, just because they have the temporary MoH title is daft.
Apparently the MoH didn’t discuss a recent email which offered a refund on any single sex parties as the landlord wouldn’t accept them. Previously they would be accepted with discretion.
As MoH had not asked the landlord had not for permission in the first place, the MoH assumed he wouldn’t find out (or possibly not eligible for refund) and carried on.

The Maid of Honour isn't showing any honour at all

Neither is the OP.

We should refer to her as the Dismayed of Dishonour.

I think if you were a same sex group of say gran, you and your wife and 2 daughters, you’d email the owner and explain and ask for them to allow you, before booking.

same if you are a bunch of 70 year olds on a trip to a knitting exhibition.

so you’d ask permission upfront. And not book if refused.

I agree.
I've been on her side up to keeping quiet about the 130

Ah well OP, at least you have found out how much your own moral code is worth.

£130 it would seem.

I don't understand how someone who wasn't the person who booked the house was able to leave a review, assuming it was Airbnb.

You can say in the group chat

we should share the £300 amongst us all. I have just been sent £130 by the moh so I’ll also share that across everyone too. (Give them £20 or £15 each at the wedding if easiest and can be done discreetly)
then you can move on but also not out moh more or bride.

Spa day! I'd be fuming!!

OP I don't know how you can take that money. You're as bad as her now!