To expect MoH to refund hen accommodation after we were refused access?

[Hennightmare]

I attended a hen party at the weekend - Friday to Sunday, staying close to a seaside resort in a private accommodation. I paid my share in advance - nearly £300.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the owner who refused entry on the basis that hen parties (and same sex groups/stags) are not allowed and this is stated in the booking terms and conditions and elsewhere on the website. Despite reasoning, the owner was not backing down, and said there’d been an incident with a same sex group two weekends ago which required costly repairs.

MoH said she was aware of other hens who had stayed and this is how she found the place on instagram. She was told no refund would be given as there wouldn’t be time to let it again for the weekend.

We managed to find budget hotel rooms in the area but this scuppered the plans which were in place for the house - games etc.

I have looked myself and it is prominent on the website about the rules around hen parties etc. It is clear there has been inconsistent approaches in the past though.

Should the MoH cover us for her mistake? I am out of pocket after the hotel booking.

YABU - suck it up, it happened
YANBU - her mistake, she should offer to cover it

Strongly agree! A good solution from what is a complete mess of a situation.

Also mention you didn’t send your bank details because you didn’t want to be part of this.

This.

Then pool the refunds and hand them out evenly.

Completely agree @Franpie

The owner is going to blow the whole gaff by responding to that unfair review (which, if there’s an email trail that proves she gave adequate notice and offered refunds, she can ask to be removed). And then Milly/Sarah/Becky will get pissed at the wedding and tell everyone on her/their tables the full story and it’ll all come out anyway. So you should probably be thinking about damage limitation for yourself here. £130 vs being on The Wrong Side of The Hen Drama.

I don’t think they know each other beyond being invited to the hen, OP hasn’t said anything about it.

I would certainly be messaging the others privately (away from the group chat that the MoH is in) and coming clean and suggesting they band together to try and get their money back.

You need to be more explicit about how annoyed you all are.

Just saying "Oooh noo, I don't want to get involved" is not conveying more than that.

I really struggle to believe she is making suggestions of taking herself off for a spa day or worrying about her ratings if she really realises the rest of you are livid.

You need to a) say her communications are tone deaf and b) propose the pool and split of funds.

If I were the bride, I'd be horrified that the 10% refund was spent on me and the MOH (the one who caused the fuck up in the first place).

I cannot believe you haven't told the bride of MOH's plan to spend the 10% refund instead of reimbursing you.

I'm disappointed that you didn't speak up in the group to disagree with the refund being used for the spa day, that was really poor form from you considering you've received £130 refund yourself.

Your hands are not tied at all and you've made this situation worse by saying nothing. So many people here supported you but now you're losing support by your inaction and passiveness.

You need to speak up in the group to disagree with the spa day. You need to tell the MOH privately that you are still awaiting the final £170 she owes you and that she still owes all of the others £300 each too. Then make it clear you had not agreed to her bribe, hence why you had not provided her with your bank details.

I'd also be telling the bride, that she should not have shared your bank details with the MOH, whilst telling her of the spa day that her & the MOH will be enjoying at the hens further expense.

This wedding is going to have such an atmosphere now, I wouldn't be surprised if some of the hens no longer go. The MOH is an utter cheeky fucker.

Why are your hands tied ?

you have screwed all the hens over by accepting the £300 and quite frankly makes you a shit selfish friend

You didn’t need to “start WW3”, you could have just supported the girl who wants to recover at least some of the money she is out of pocket. As you hadn’t even responded to the bribe message, absolutely nothing to stop you saying “I agree that as people have spent an extra £130 each on inferior accommodation, it would be nice to recover at least some of that amount back”. I was with you up until this I’m afraid.

Though I’ve seen it happen with “leftover” money from hen weekends before (not saying I agree with that!), it is absolutely unbelievable that MOH is going to use the refund for a spa weekend in these circumstances.

I agree. I've also supported you previously, OP, but I agree with others - I think you should return the £130 to the MoH and tell her to add it to the £300 refund, to be distributed equally among eight hens (i.e. everyone except MoH and bride-to-be).

Your hands are not tied. You could send back the £130. That doesn’t mean you have to disclose being offered the money if you don’t want to cause drama, but nothing seems to be stopping you sending it back. You can send money by PayPal if you don’t have MOH’s bank details. That way you wouldn’t be being dishonest to your friends.

You haven’t been put in an impossible situation OP. Do the right thing and think of the other people. Remember how annoyed your were at the time/when you wrote this post and now you’re silence has been bought

And if you consider that on many hens the bride’s cost (ie her £300 towards accommodation) would be split by the whole group instead of just the MOH covering it, you’re reducing the £76 to £43.

Splitting all the refunds is the fairest thing to do. You don’t know other people’s situations. It will also come out at some point you received a part refund, and will reflect very badly on you should you keep quiet now.

Yes that's a good point.

They need to pool the funds, share them out and all move on.

Agree. It’ll be much easier for them to all move on if ALL the hens get something back, and that will ultimately make the wedding better for the bride / everyone. £54 each is a lot better than £0 (for everyone but OP)

If £300 pounds is enough for a Spa trip for two I’d tell the MoH (took me a while to realise this does not mean Mother of Hen) that you think your £130 ‘refund’ would also be best spent on joining them for the spa day. MoH will know this will be an awkward as fuck trip and try her best to shake you off, agree to any date and time she suggests, and relish the problem you’ve created for MoH. This should hopefully be the end of the spa plan - and we can all look forward to hearing about MoH’s new self serving plan for the partial refund.

Often that wording is to discourage bucks nights and football trips but they word it as such because they could be accused of being discriminatory. It’s a lot of money for the MoH and I think it’s frustrating and disappointing but I wouldn’t expect her to reimburse you all.

It’s a very common condition of hire for rental properties, I wouldn’t want hen or stag groups in any house I rented out

No.

I was on your side until you took the bribe and kept quiet.

Your hands are not tied at all, you just dont want to be the person who says "No, this is shit. MOH has fucked up five ways from Friday and when I found out, she tried to buy me off. She owes all the hens a £300 refund asap."

MOH and the bride are "besties" so would it really matter if you binned off the bride too?

This coming across a bit Charlotte Dobre to be honest.

Exactly this.

I agree. Storms and teacups come to mind.

But what’s the difference between a group of same sex friends and a hen/ stag group? How would you know?

If they have said no to same sex groups, then find somewhere else. The owners have the right to choose.

Its not a new thing at all. In fact if anything, its not as strict as it was in the 90's/2000's.

You do realise that if this blows up more, it could come out that you had that £130 back, knew it was MOHs fault and said nothing and they will all think you’re an awful person?

How fucking rude are you 🤯🤯 That is all!