To expect MoH to refund hen accommodation after we were refused access?

[Hennightmare]

I attended a hen party at the weekend - Friday to Sunday, staying close to a seaside resort in a private accommodation. I paid my share in advance - nearly £300.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the owner who refused entry on the basis that hen parties (and same sex groups/stags) are not allowed and this is stated in the booking terms and conditions and elsewhere on the website. Despite reasoning, the owner was not backing down, and said there’d been an incident with a same sex group two weekends ago which required costly repairs.

MoH said she was aware of other hens who had stayed and this is how she found the place on instagram. She was told no refund would be given as there wouldn’t be time to let it again for the weekend.

We managed to find budget hotel rooms in the area but this scuppered the plans which were in place for the house - games etc.

I have looked myself and it is prominent on the website about the rules around hen parties etc. It is clear there has been inconsistent approaches in the past though.

Should the MoH cover us for her mistake? I am out of pocket after the hotel booking.

YABU - suck it up, it happened
YANBU - her mistake, she should offer to cover it

WTF

a small 10% refund and none of you get it anyway as moh think the bride is stressed and can use on a spa

crazy

wonder who she spoke to if any. Notice no names

and if one of the hens leaves a bad review all the owner has to do is say , they lied. Didn’t say it was a hen. I offered full refund before the weekend and group refused

Well FFS say something then!

I’m talking about the bride. Are you going to maintain a friendship with someone happy to spend other peoples money and to not say anything to the MoH (who she is very good friends with)?

She isn’t in the group chat, for all I know she’s unaware of the spa plan.

If you had a shred of integrity you would return the money MOH paid you and say you want everyone to have a £30 refund. The other girl is also being nasty writing a scathing review about the property when the owner has done nothing wrong. You all deserve each other!

This is starting to feel like a bit of a pile on. I have explained why my hands are tied with this.

She has left a review not knowing the full circumstances, in her defence. I’ve just read it and it’s not particularly scathing.

This!

"My hands are tied"

They really aren't. Grow a backbone.

I’m not quite sure this is real. If it is I really do wonder, do people really go on like this?
It’s so self serving and awful.

This is just getting messier and messier and it’s all the MOH fault.
B2B is complicit with regard to the cover up so they’re as bad as each other.
The spa idea is just a whole other level of “fuck you” by MoH to everyone whether the B2B knows or not.

The girl threatening to write reviews needs telling the truth before she
makes a dick of herself- the LL did nothing wrong.
*cross posted… too late 🫣 it’s the gift that keeps on giving

The amount you received is a moot point. You haven’t acknowledged it (that we know of) and to show some integrity should just return it and vouch for a refund of £2400 for the other hens y saying what’s happened in the WAG.
The wedding is going to be a frosty shit show anyway and it won’t be your fault.
What a mess

This is not a pile on, you started this post with the moral high ground and now you are showing you are available at a price and nuts to the morals of the situation. You are letting yourself down and that is the truth of the matter.

No wonder people like the MOH say what they say and people like you let her.

The bride was complicit in getting you the refund and so she has also crossed to the dark side.

I am sure that if more hens knew the truth about what went on, more would be asking for the money and it will come out in time, maybe not now, but at some point it will and you will look really sly.

I think I'd contact the MoH and say you are not sure if she realises how cross everyone is , but that you suggest she allows someone else to take the bride for the spa weekend if that is how the refund is to be used, and not split.

Her being the one to go is rubbing salt into the wound.

You might as well be upfront about that.

You were happy with the pile on when it was directed at the MoH

Look tell the bride about the £300. Add yours to the pot. £430 between 8 of you is £54 each. Something at least and then draw a line under it.

£430 between 8 of you is £54 each. Something at least and then draw a line under it.

Yup. This is the correct way forward from this point.

I think in your position, I would tell her you're not happy to accept the cash above everyone else. I would also think about whether to agree to not cause anything else on the run up to the wedding, but that you would be sharing details with the rest of the group afterwards. I would also publicly disagree with the decision for the MOH to use a refund to go to a spa.

FFS @Hennightmare your hands are not tied.
It's a pile on because you're being so passive.
You have agency, particularly as you know the context.

This is what you should do:
Inform the bride of the MOH batshit, insulting and Tone deaf spa idea. Tell her you think MOH has handled this poorly.

Tell MOH that you don't accept her refund and you think she should come clean and reimburse the group. Give her a deadline of 24 hours if not you will tell the group what has happened.

To repeat YOUR HANDS ARE NOT TIED

I’d be sending something along the lines of this to the MoH:
“Hey MoH, after causing a shit storm on Mumsnet all day about the f up over our friends hen do- I really think it’s all a messed up situation and clearly we are awful at communicating like adults. Maybe, just maybe, we should all be honest in the group chat, I’ll transfer you back the bribe money I have and we should agree to give people back the small amount of money that’s been refunded, and is rightly theirs. Then we should make a pact never again to agree to planning a friend’s hen do or attending without ensuring we are fully aware of all t & c’s. Let’s just hope she only ever gets married the once eh! See you at the wedding, Hennightmare” …or words to that effect 🤣Anything else at this point is just going to create more drama.

Then go to the wedding and forget the whole bloody thing. Everyone is implicated at this point, even the bride! Share out all the remaining money and draw a line under it, it’s already been and gone anyway.

Also, the £54 each is even more worthwhile when you remember that the extra they have paid above what was budgeted is in fact £130.

That takes it to £76 out of pocket. Lop £50 off the bride's gift each and you are near enough to break even.

MoH has messaged me and asked if I can try to rein in the girl who posted about the review. I have said no, I don’t want to get involved. She has messaged her privately to request she removes it as she is worried that the owner may leave a negative review on her own account as the booker which could prevent her from staying at other venues in the future.

So she is happy for moh to pay the 300 for her accommodation then another 130 for her emergency hotel and now it looks like she'd be happy for moh to pay for a spa as well?
Is that normal? For someone to accept such a large amount spent by one person?

@Hennightmare
How many shitty things does the MOH have to do before you do something?

Of course she's asked you - you took her bribe

All the MOH is bothered about is her rating on Airbnb. She gives zero fucks about anyone else.
She's a complete bitch and you are facilitating her

How? I’ve said no to trying to ‘rein in’ the other girl.

This is the perfect opportunity for you to tell her that she is handling this terribly.

the original fuck up is one thing and possibly forgivable with the right amount of contrition.

everything since that fuck up has been one disaster after another.

as she has messaged you directly, I think you should just be honest with her at this point. Tell her that keeping the £300 is completely tone deaf. That people who are silent aren’t silent because they agree, it’s because they don’t want to rock the boat. That giving you and you alone a refund of £130 is out of order, makes you complicit and puts you in a terrible situation.

you don’t need to go in all guns blazing. You can word it all nicely. But you should definitely tell her your take on this whole mess and what you think she should do to put it right.

@Hennightmare
You are facilitating her by:
Not returning the bribe
Not publicly supporting the brave hen
Not publicly saying the spa idea is batshit crazy
By not challenging her entitled behaviour when it was her fuck up

Why are you being so passive in the face of this woman taking the piss out of good women - financially and morally?

Why?